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Original poster

Would you have your kids again?

348 replies

Flowers665 · 31/01/2025 20:26

I don't have any and I don't know if I want any. I like having my nephew or neice for the day but I am EXHAUSTED by the end of the day and happy to hand them back. I can find it hard to fill the time with them. Also always really look forward to going back to having time to myself. I don't know if people will be honest but if you could go back would you have kids? I love being able to be selfish, spend all my time and money on myself.

OP posts:
Gowlett · 01/02/2025 00:49

Feel like I’ve had the best of both worlds.
Had DS at 44. I was ready for it by then.

theprincessthepea · 01/02/2025 00:50

I would have had them all at once instead of the massive 10+ year age gap. But I wonder if I would have been as fulfilled if I didn’t have them, or if I would hit a point in life where I craved them.

I think that there is a narrative that you can’t look after yourself as a mum (for example be selfish). I had my daughter in my 20s and I also travelled, worked, invested in me - but just like some of us have partners and friends, as a mum I bring my child into my life. I have amazing memories with my DD

You don’t have to pause all of you when you become a mum (the first few years, yes) - but in order to balance motherhood and self investment you need an amazing support network that you trust to take your children. I’ve realised the women around me, my friends with kids are inspiring - they have hobbies, businesses, and they don’t see children as a burden but part of life, they travel sometimes with and sometimes without kids. Then I come on MN and the woman carries absolutely everything! The outlook on parenting on this platform can be so depressing.

I appreciate it isn’t for everyone. I agree with everyone that says you have to want kids - but even so - you can’t predict who you will get and how easy or difficult they could make life for you.

cherish123 · 01/02/2025 01:01

Yes

LondonLawyer · 01/02/2025 01:51

Every time. I have two sons, aged 19 and 10, and I'm mid 40s now. They are both utterly wonderful people given to me to care for and love, and I can't imagine either not being here. I hope to give them roots and wings.

JandamiHash · 01/02/2025 01:58

I’d only have kids again if they were definitely gonna be MY kids that I have now. Call me mad but I’d love to re-live the days when they were babies and toddlers (not every day just the nice/funny ones😂). Otherwise no, I would rather not. I’ve no tolerance for anything else

Dita73 · 01/02/2025 01:58

I really can’t answer that question as I genuinely don’t know

staybyyou · 01/02/2025 02:27

In a heartbeat. I've always wanted children, and at one point never thought I'd have them. I think about how lucky I am every single day.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/02/2025 02:37

Yes, it isn't always easy, it is difficult but I adore the two of them.

Tallyrand · 01/02/2025 03:10

You never love anything or anyone the way you love your kids.

I still recall so vividly the moment my son was born and he looked up at me, cried for 5 seconds then settled right down. He's nearly 4 now and such a cool little dude to be around.

My DD followed not long after and just yesterday walked to me for the first time.

It's not easy raising kids, probably the hardest thing you will ever do so I can understand people without kids underestimating it. I say this as someone who was very involved with all 4 DNs although I never did personal care for them.

YankSplaining · 01/02/2025 03:24

Yes, in an instant.

Brooomhilda · 01/02/2025 03:30

Yes, I would. But it depends on your personally type. I love my independence and miss it but I always knew that I needed more than that- I needed to be challenged beyond that. And boy are kids a challenge. They make me really grateful for the stolen moments I do get to myself, which I never really appreciated before having kids. And I'm grateful every day for their presence, I'm very aware this is a brief period of my life and afterwards I'll get my freedom back but for now I get to be this tiny persons everything.

BruFord · 01/02/2025 03:31

My two are teenagers now and they’re brilliant. No regrets at all.

Yalta · 01/02/2025 03:32

Absolutely

Only thing I would alter is I would start earlier and have more

I have had friends who don’t have children who are in their 50s and 60s and whilst their lifestyle looked great and interesting in their 30s and 40s, by the time they reached 50+ it all looked very boring

Dc have varying interests and have introduced me to different experiences that I would never in a million years have ever thought I would be doing

Marchitectmummy · 01/02/2025 03:41

Yep would 100% have my children again, nothing in life compares to helping your children grow and navigate life.

YoucancallmeBettyDraper · 01/02/2025 03:55

I would. My child may never live independently (not meeting milestones). I have been so worried, and there are days where I wonder what I have signed up for. It certainly would have been easier to have not become a mother. Or would it? I would have been so sad.

Despite the fear and some sadness when I look at other families whose kids are “normal”, I have only ever wanted my own child, I would not trade them for any other, and I would do it again. Loving and being loved this much is an honour like nothing I have experienced. I can’t imagine my life without feeling that. It feels like a miracle really and a dream come true. I still sometimes can’t believe that I wanted this child so much and I got to have them, just like that, there they were, a whole, beautiful person who gives the best cuddles in the world.

RickiRaccoon · 01/02/2025 04:04

I struggle with my 2 toddlers. I need along time and space and suspect they're changed my personality -- not all for the better as I'm stressed and grumpy. I'd do it again though. I love them so much and think they're so sweet and hilarious and they do give me a greater sense of purpose in life. My heart melts when they hold my hand or kiss me.

TheAirfryerQueen · 01/02/2025 04:41

I really don't know.

Maybe if I'd chosen a better partner and also got myself in better shape physically and mentally beforehand.

But if I chose my daughter's dad again, then no.

But thrn again, I am not very maternal, and felt I was fulfilling a societal norm, so, that increases my chances of saying no if I could re-run things. I would have got dogs, instead

(No disrespect to DD, she's the centre of my world. But I acknowledge my shortcomings)

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 01/02/2025 04:42

Yes. I would but I'd choose a better father for her. I'm a single mum and it's hard work alone. But I guess if she had a different father she wouldn't be her... and I like her!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 01/02/2025 05:10

blueshoes · 31/01/2025 23:41

@ThisFluentBiscuit the dinkie childfree lifestyle is very seductive. What parent knee deep in childcare and relentless toil has not envied you. If dh and I did not have children, we would be retired by now mortgage-free with healthy savings and investments, fun experiences and lavish holidays.

I comfort myself that although I will retire later, dh and I will still have the opportunities to look outside ourselves, as you describe it, to volunteer and take up hobbies and pursue our interests. Once my youngest ds leaves home in September for university, I already have various projects planned.

Sounds good, @blueshoes! Then you'll have (had) it all: kids and time to focus on other things, too. I do wish I had wanted babies more; I'd be significantly less lonely now, and it would have made my parents so happy. But you can't really go ahead and have a baby that you don't really want, so....On the other hand, if I'd just gone for it, I'm sure I would have loved the baby. What I really needed was a crystal ball to show me both endings!!!

farmlife2 · 01/02/2025 05:24

I'll admit it. There is one I would seriously consider not having, if I could go back in time.

Before you jump on me, she was a few years old when she became very sick, suffered for years, then died. I'm not sorry I had her but I'm not sure that the pain she suffered, or the pain and ongoing issues her death caused to my other children, makes it better to spare them all from it.

cramptramp · 01/02/2025 05:26

Yes. But I had mine in my 20's. I don't know how people do it who have them in their 40's. I'd have been absolutely knackered.

Sprogonthetyne · 01/02/2025 06:24

I would, but if it was possible for it to still be them but have a different farther, I'd have them with someone who pulls their weight so it's nor all on me.

Fuckitydoodah · 01/02/2025 07:12

Yes, absolutely. I adore my two DC (most of the time) and enjoy being with them.

There have been stages I found really hard, such as when DC1 was colicky and would cry for hours on end. But it is just a stage.

I cannot imagine my life without them in it.

EdithBond · 01/02/2025 07:34

Absolutely. Can’t imagine life without them. And they grow up so quickly!

The bit I loved most was when they were babies. But I went from all night parties to kids, so being wide awake at 4am and surviving on very little sleep was quite normal. It is tiring when they’re young. But no pain, no gain.

lavenderlou · 01/02/2025 09:35

I think a lot of people don't understand how long-term a commitment it is and think of having children as a few hard years until they are 5. It depends on the child of course but in my experience things have been harder as they got older. Many kids these days will need to live at home until they are well onto their 20s and require emotional and perhaps financial support as young adults. My DC have some additional needs and may be dependent on me forever.