DP hasn’t invited me

[Bigredchair]

so I know this is silly and I just want some perspective if I am being unreasonable so do tell me if I am so I can get over it and not cause an issue over it.

So DP and I met 5 years ago working at the same company, I worked there for 5 years, he has worked there about 15 years, I left 2 years ago, he still works there.

one of our former colleagues has just retired, DP is his boss and I worked with him often and we still see him occasionally outside of work.

now DP has organised a big retirement do for this colleague, he has invited all sorts of people who we used to work with, current colleagues, ex colleagues, clients etc, arranged a quiz and done a speech, food money behind the bar etc, alls sounds great. However my issue is that DP has not invited me!

we have a blended family and he has his kids this night and he has just gone and arranged this do on this night he has his kids, not invited me and just assumes I’ll be home watching the kids.

now I have no issue with having them but I just feel like he has invited everyone our colleague used to work with and not me even though I know this colleague well and worked with him myself and maybe it would have been nice if he had considered me and said to me I know you would have liked to have come but it’s the only date that works so would you mind having the kids for me as I really need to be there instead of just assuming I’ll be at home minding the kids. I still speak to other ex colleagues from the same company who have been texting me asking if I’m coming and I feel quite hurt that I wasn’t even invited.

AIBU to be a bit miffed by this?

Tbh that's not ops problem, not her zoo not her monkeys.

This tells you all you need to know.
He does not see you as his partner. He does not respect you. This likely isn't the first incident, but his actions definitely say he is not particularly attached.

And your reply is, your right you have the kids not me, have a great night sitting in, I have made plans with friends don't wait up.

I did ask him about it and he just said I have the kids so you can’t come

WHAT?! I had to read that twice. So because HE has HIS children, YOU can't go to the do?

Fuck that shit.

He's totally taking you for granted, the cheeky bastard.

I’d be wondering if there’s anyone going that he wants to keep you away from?

And why would op be sorting a babysitter out not her problem.

Huh? Surely if he has his kids then he can't go? Not you.

Well he can pay a babysitter in that case

Even if you aren't invited to the party, why would he just assume you'd not make your own plans and would just stay in watching his kids? They aren't your responsibility. His kids, his problem to solve.

Do you usually let him walk all over you?

I would be really mad

Do you usually let him walk all over you?

You can see from OPs replies this is exactly what she does - I don’t mind having his kids - well you should - you have raised 2 already. He needs to organize his kids - you need to put your foot down - he’s a part time parent who swans around doing as he pleases - whilst you stay home like to good wife.

Yes, I was going to say it sounds like he’s let OP assume she’s going order to keep her diary clear and dropped at the last moment that’s she’s looking after his kids before she can arrange a night out herself- that’s pretty calculated and deceitful. Why can’t he arrange a babysitter FFS? He’s had plenty of time to do so.

This

This situation is symbolic of the cliche that men get involved with other women after a breakup to find a mother for their kids while they have them stay over. They can’t possibly, nor should be expected to look after their own children. They don’t want their ex to have them full time bc she’d win, also the bigger factor probably is 50-50 = reduced child support so they have best of both worlds when they find a mug woman willing to parent their kids for them while they maintain their childless lifestyle, even when they are supposedly looking after their own kids. Its the fucking assumption that a woman will always put kids first even when they’re not her own so they can rely on this or kick off when they are questioned, like OP’s partner.

Go out somewhere else OP - don’t let him mug you off.

i did ask him about it and he just said I have the kids so you can’t come

Does he often just allocate you as looking after his much-younger children so he can go out on his own? Maybe for hobbies? Other work nights? Seeing his mates for piss-ups on weekends his children are there?

I’d not push for an invitation any more, but I sure as fuck would not be looking after his kids. It’s his problem, he can rearrange that.

Totally agree.

He's a real sneaky bastard too who obviously knows the OP is a complete mug.

Lead her to believe she's going so she's free, then drop on her she's his childcare.

Such spectacular presumptuousness and cheeky fxxkery...

This is what women get when men know they're desperate for any man.

Really sad.
You can imagine what the ex colleagues will think when she's not there and hear she's his childcare for the night🙄

Oh and not to mind how fxxking controlling it is to tell here where she can and cannot go 'cos she is his childcare.

That's controlling and abusive in my book.
Unbelievable.
Only on MN!

Of course you should be going as you used to work there too. It will be a good chance to catch up with ex colleagues that you haven’t seen for a while. Your ‘D’P has made a big assumption that you are on hand to look after his kids whenever he wants to go out. He just arranged this and didn’t talk it through with you first? They’re his kids so it’s his responsibility to arrange the childcare.

My teen wouldn’t babysit and I think it’s unfair to ask or expect them too. They have their own lives these days.

Hell would freeze over before I stayed home and looked after his kids that night op. I’d go, see friends, and consider staying out / going to a friends after. The nerve of him planning a big night because he can just not invite you so you are free to look after his kids.

I was reading thinking he was out of order then you said about his kids. .Just wow! Your updates keep getting better and I haven’t read them all.
OP you tell him he has to sort childcare for his kids and you would like to go to the avent!

Also of course he arranged stuff and deals with the consequences after as there aren't any , as everyone else gets him out the shit and they deal with it instead of him.

Id say no to the babysitting and I’d have a chat and make it clear your kids are grown up enough that you have your life back some what. You are no longer available for childcare.

Sorry if you answered this but why can't the older kids mind the younger ones and you just got a couple of hours?

I think what the person commenting means op is …. What are you going to do about it ?

Honestly the more I read I don’t think he wants you there and the perfect way not to invite you is keep you home with his kids I wouldn’t trust him at this point.
Please stand up for yourself.
Don’t babysit and go to the party .

Sod that he’s taking you for a mug! If he had other dates to choose from he should have picked a weekend he didn’t have his kids!

Why can't the kids father arrange a babysitter and he goes just for a couple of hours?

Because she already said he is the boss and need to be there? Arguing for the sake of arguing, so funny 😊 never mentioned babysitters,said the older kids mind the 2 younger kids, no arranging anything