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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP hasn’t invited me

317 replies

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:41

so I know this is silly and I just want some perspective if I am being unreasonable so do tell me if I am so I can get over it and not cause an issue over it.

So DP and I met 5 years ago working at the same company, I worked there for 5 years, he has worked there about 15 years, I left 2 years ago, he still works there.

one of our former colleagues has just retired, DP is his boss and I worked with him often and we still see him occasionally outside of work.

now DP has organised a big retirement do for this colleague, he has invited all sorts of people who we used to work with, current colleagues, ex colleagues, clients etc, arranged a quiz and done a speech, food money behind the bar etc, alls sounds great. However my issue is that DP has not invited me!

we have a blended family and he has his kids this night and he has just gone and arranged this do on this night he has his kids, not invited me and just assumes I’ll be home watching the kids.

now I have no issue with having them but I just feel like he has invited everyone our colleague used to work with and not me even though I know this colleague well and worked with him myself and maybe it would have been nice if he had considered me and said to me I know you would have liked to have come but it’s the only date that works so would you mind having the kids for me as I really need to be there instead of just assuming I’ll be at home minding the kids. I still speak to other ex colleagues from the same company who have been texting me asking if I’m coming and I feel quite hurt that I wasn’t even invited.

AIBU to be a bit miffed by this?

OP posts:
Monvelo · 30/01/2025 18:42

Yanbu assuming he had the pick of the dates.

Hopelesscase32 · 30/01/2025 18:42

Have you not asked him about it?

Samung · 30/01/2025 18:43

I'd be more than miffed.

WompWompBoom · 30/01/2025 18:44

I'd be telling him I'm going, I've been invited by other colleagues. His kids his problem.

Fidgety31 · 30/01/2025 18:44

Tell him to get a babysitter for his kids - instead of letting him make all the decisions .
Take some action .

Pinkpanther111 · 30/01/2025 18:44

I would be pissed off!

SpringBunnyHopHop · 30/01/2025 18:45

Were you close to the person retiring? I don’t think you should be automatically invited because you worked there a few years ago.

Maybe he wants to keep his private life away from work.

LostittoBostik · 30/01/2025 18:45

Get a babysitter. Gross that he thinks you'll just stay in when this is your friend and former colleague too - and they're not even your kids!

Original poster
Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:46

I think 3 dates were thrown around but this particular date was chosen, I will say in he is one of those people who doesn’t check and just commits then deals with the consequences.

i did ask him about it and he just said I have the kids so you can’t come

my office is a 10 minute walk away, I haven’t even had a why don’t you call in for an hour on your way home if you want (I work flexi so can finish early, the do starts at 4)

OP posts:
NovemberMorn · 30/01/2025 18:48

It's a mean way to act, can you not get a child sitter and go anyway?

WompWompBoom · 30/01/2025 18:48

He has the kids, so you can't come. Absolutely no way would I accept that. Tell him you're going and if he's adamant you're not, then you're off to a friends overnight instead and will be back the following day. Do not stay in with his kids.

Original poster
Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:48

he Absolutely should attend over me but I just think it would have been nice to have been considered.

i get he might want to keep it separate but he invited me on his Christmas night and I know a lot of the people who are going quite well

OP posts:
Truth25 · 30/01/2025 18:49

Unacceptable. There is no way I would look after his kids on this night. He has basically put you in your place on a very public level. Don't just do this as you will set the tone for how to be treated

BBQPete · 30/01/2025 18:49

i did ask him about it and he just said I have the kids so you can’t come

I'd pick up on that.
"You have your dc, who, when I'm not doing anything else, I don't mind looking after occasionally as you know, but on this occasion I am not available, as I'm going to the do. So, you need to arrange a babysitter".

strawberrysea · 30/01/2025 18:49

If you marry him this is the life you're signing up for. Babysitting children that aren't yours while he lives life as he pleases.

Does he do this often?

FOJN · 30/01/2025 18:49

I wouldn't assume responsibility for his children on that night. You have been left out to provide childcare and you haven't even been asked if you mind.

I'd be pretty pissed off and would make arrangements to go anyway, tell him to sort his own kids out and not to take you for granted in future.

It sounds like he's put a lot of effort into arranging this party but couldn't be bothered to sort a babysitter so you could enjoy a night out too.

CoraPirbright · 30/01/2025 18:50

“I did ask him about it and he just said I have the kids so you can’t come”

He said what???!!! FUCK THAT!! How dare he dictate your time like that!! He can bloody well sort a baby sitter out. Is he usually such an arrogant, selfish bastard?

Original poster
Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:50

I honestly don’t mind having the kids and he should absolutely be going over me but I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable before I said something

OP posts:
pictoosh · 30/01/2025 18:50

No this would cheese me right off. I think you ought to tell him what you think.
Be calm and matter of fact, don't give him anything he can turn into you starting an argument because he'll just use that to avoid addressing you. Be upfront but not confrontational. Tell him you're embarrassed to admit he hasn't invited you.

He assumed you'd miss out to take care of his kids. Hmm. I think he owes you an apology. He has been pretty clumsy.

FOJN · 30/01/2025 18:51

....so I know this is silly....

NO IT ISN'T SILLY. Your husband is being a selfish arse.

Original poster
Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:52

usually for things like this he will swap with his ex or ask his mum but his ex is away and his dad has been unwell (he’s ok) so he didn’t want to add to his mums burden which is all fine, just am I being unreasonable to have expected him to speak to me about it rather than just not inviting me

OP posts:
Nephthys21 · 30/01/2025 18:53

The kids are his problem. He needs to find childcare and not just assume that you'll do it. Why should they even visit if they can't spend time with their dad?

Waterlooville · 30/01/2025 18:53

I wouldn't look after his kids that night. He takes you for granted.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 30/01/2025 18:54

Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:52

usually for things like this he will swap with his ex or ask his mum but his ex is away and his dad has been unwell (he’s ok) so he didn’t want to add to his mums burden which is all fine, just am I being unreasonable to have expected him to speak to me about it rather than just not inviting me

In that case he doesn’t really have a lot of choice does he? It’s not all about when your partner is available. He probably had to pick the date the majority could attend.

Original poster
Bigredchair · 30/01/2025 18:54

probably should add that my kids are also here but they are 16 and 15 so I would have went if it was just them as they don’t really need looking after, his are 10 and 8

OP posts: