DP hasn’t invited me

[Bigredchair]

so I know this is silly and I just want some perspective if I am being unreasonable so do tell me if I am so I can get over it and not cause an issue over it.

So DP and I met 5 years ago working at the same company, I worked there for 5 years, he has worked there about 15 years, I left 2 years ago, he still works there.

one of our former colleagues has just retired, DP is his boss and I worked with him often and we still see him occasionally outside of work.

now DP has organised a big retirement do for this colleague, he has invited all sorts of people who we used to work with, current colleagues, ex colleagues, clients etc, arranged a quiz and done a speech, food money behind the bar etc, alls sounds great. However my issue is that DP has not invited me!

we have a blended family and he has his kids this night and he has just gone and arranged this do on this night he has his kids, not invited me and just assumes I’ll be home watching the kids.

now I have no issue with having them but I just feel like he has invited everyone our colleague used to work with and not me even though I know this colleague well and worked with him myself and maybe it would have been nice if he had considered me and said to me I know you would have liked to have come but it’s the only date that works so would you mind having the kids for me as I really need to be there instead of just assuming I’ll be at home minding the kids. I still speak to other ex colleagues from the same company who have been texting me asking if I’m coming and I feel quite hurt that I wasn’t even invited.

AIBU to be a bit miffed by this?

It's absolutely one reason women don't get promoted as easily. He'll be there networking, without worrying about his kids, while OP missing out on the same opportunities despite being past the stage of her own kids needing babysitting

I would be miffed and say “oh, what are you doing with dsc that night?” And if he’s assuming you will have then you pretend you assumed their mum would so you’ve made plans.

However, I don’t really understand why you haven’t had a conversation about it. The fact you’re not able to just speak up makes me question the relationship as it shouldn’t be like that.

This is a huge big point too.

Have you got either set of parents to babysit? Or a friend you can return the favour with? Babysitter? Can partners ex swap weekends?

You should go, your kids are fine. He needs to arrange cover for his kids.

He is making a fool out of you.

It also pissed me off that its been getting arranged for weeks, I’ve constantly heard the ins and outs of every detail, he equally shown me the invite which said 4-8pm, has gone on about some people just dropping in till 8 and the bar tab should last till then and then today (the day before) revealed that he was actually going on a big night out afterwards.

I must be so lovely to make decisions about things that are happening in the evening without even giving his children a second thought. When questioned, a surprised "Oh she'll look after my kids..." is all he needs. ("She" meaning either the OP, his ex or his mother.) FFS.

I wouldn’t have his dc on principal.
He should have sorted their care out.
id be furious.

Yes this as well OP. Why haven’t you felt able to raise this with him. Will he get angry? Belittle you? Make excuses?

Or does he respect and listen to you like a decent partner would?

If you saw the invite did you not ask then if you were invited?

First of all: it's strange you were not invited. This would have made me slightly suspicious tbh.
Secondly, how can he just assume that you are available to babysit his kids? What if you had plans? As you said your kids are old enough to be left alone at home so if he wants to go out then he needs to ASK you to babysit his kids. He sounds very entitled and you seem way too nice for him.

You honestly should mind.

Tell him you have plans and won’t be able to watch his kids so he has to have them somewhere else.

So wait he tells you today that you’ve got to stay in tomorrow night and baby sit the kids.

When did you see the invite? Surely if you saw it a few days ago / weeks ago you would have said oh I’m going too.

He could easily pay the older ones to look after his kids - it’s perfectly normal to have babysitting jobs at 15 and 16. I’d be worried there’s some other reason he doesn’t want you to go. Say ‘No worries. My kids are happy to babysit’, and watch his face.

To be honest hadn’t really thought about it and assumed I was invited until I realised yesterday I wasn’t when I asked him about it and he said I was welcome but I know he has the kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

He is a git. That is as polite as I can be.

As it's only 4-8pm can his DC not be left with your DC so you can attend for a couple of hours?

I wouldn't be happy and would try and find a suitable solution.

Did you not ask at the time when you saw the invite that’s your night you’ve got your kids isn’t it?

@BlueMum16 As it's only 4-8pm can his DC not be left with your DC so you can attend for a couple of hours?

I would suggest so that HE can attend for a couple of hours - OP doesn't have children that need childcare so can stay later if she likes

You do know he has the kids. So the next thing you should have said is "who have you arranged to have your kids? Because I'm obviously not available, I'll be at the party".

Most of AIBU is people spectacularly failing to communicate with their nearest and dearest.

He would usually swap or ask him mum so wrongly of me I just assumed that’s what would happen but no it didn’t

This is what I can’t get my head around not one of them have mentioned who’s looking after the kids that night then? Obviously dad should be the one to think about it but I am confused as well as why OP suddenly only realised this today

He has his children to think of. Typically though, he's just organised the whole thing without taking them into consideration, and assumed the OP will look after them for him without even having the decency to ask her first.

Bloody entitled git if you ask me. I'd be livid.

Ok then fair enough, he is really out of order expecting you to be the childcare. Waving the invite in your face discussing the plans then saying “you’re not invited you’re staying at home looking after my kids”

why should I have to check weeks in advance if he has his kids? Surely that for him to check and then check with me if I am ok having them?