DP hasn’t invited me

[Bigredchair]

so I know this is silly and I just want some perspective if I am being unreasonable so do tell me if I am so I can get over it and not cause an issue over it.

So DP and I met 5 years ago working at the same company, I worked there for 5 years, he has worked there about 15 years, I left 2 years ago, he still works there.

one of our former colleagues has just retired, DP is his boss and I worked with him often and we still see him occasionally outside of work.

now DP has organised a big retirement do for this colleague, he has invited all sorts of people who we used to work with, current colleagues, ex colleagues, clients etc, arranged a quiz and done a speech, food money behind the bar etc, alls sounds great. However my issue is that DP has not invited me!

we have a blended family and he has his kids this night and he has just gone and arranged this do on this night he has his kids, not invited me and just assumes I’ll be home watching the kids.

now I have no issue with having them but I just feel like he has invited everyone our colleague used to work with and not me even though I know this colleague well and worked with him myself and maybe it would have been nice if he had considered me and said to me I know you would have liked to have come but it’s the only date that works so would you mind having the kids for me as I really need to be there instead of just assuming I’ll be at home minding the kids. I still speak to other ex colleagues from the same company who have been texting me asking if I’m coming and I feel quite hurt that I wasn’t even invited.

AIBU to be a bit miffed by this?

I'd be pissed off at the assumption I'd be available to babysit his kids: what if your own work had something on? Or you were doing something with your kids?

I'd be doubly pissed off that he's not invited you because he wants you home to babysit his kids. That's actually pretty shocking.

Do you think you'd have been invited if it hadn't been his night to have his children?

That's a nope from me. Tell him he needs to sort someone to look after HIS kids as you will be going to celebrate with your ex colleague.

Ask him who is babysitting his children since you will both be out that evening.

The fact you are excluded because he expects you to babysit for him would piss me right off. I’d make plans and then ask him what he’s going to do’

...so you'll be miffed but you'll still roll over for this? Does he make a habit of treating you as the bang nanny?

I dunno. If your partner is going to a fun party and they don't want you there spoiling their fun, I'm not sure what that says about your relationship?
Actually I do. It happened to me. Constantly. He didn't actually have anyone else at that time but he didn't want me either.......

Can’t you (or rather DH) pay your 16y old to babysit his kids for a couple of hours?

Ask him who is watching the kids that night because you're going.

@Bigredchair pretty sure your older two can look after the younger two. toss them money for domino pizzas and throw in a £10 each. they will be fine till 8pm

The only way men like this learn is to make it their problem to solve. All it is at the moment is that you're a bit upset about it and you'll probably stay home anyway. He just needs to ride it out and he's quids in on a huge night out.

I'd be going to the party and letting him sort his kids out. I'd also ensure your own kids don't get dumped looking after his kids without discussion either (which seems highly likely).

Then I'd reassess this relationship because it's a really shitty way to treat someone.

YADNBU

Is he usually thoughtless and self-centred?

I would automatically wonder what he is hiding. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this at all. On many levels.

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order.

Absolutely that. They are his kids not yours. He doesn’t have the right to dictate what you do in your own time, without having the respectful conversation with you about this.

This would enrage me. They are not your kids, why is he expecting you to just look after them?

OP ,you really need to put your big girls pants on and make it clear that you are not babysitting! You need to be assertive and refuse to be a mug .

I'm sure they can but it's not the OP's responsibility to ask them or pay them. Her husband should be sorting it all out.

That would be up to the children's father to negotiate with the teens (who might well have their own plans for a Friday night). Also, what about after 8pm when the children's father goes on to the big night out?

At best he is a pig.

At worst he is a pig with an agenda. Any mentionitis lately?

I am sure that the only reason a lot of divorced men with kids start dating or get remarried is so that they can have another women taking care of their children.

That is really mean of him. He is using you.

Tell him a friend has offered you tickets for a show that night and you are going so he better sort something out with babysitting.

I absolutely wouldnt put up with that. Tell him he needs to arrange a sitter as you'll be joining him

Now you know where you stand...the mug that is his au pair.

Unbelievable.
We teach people how to treat us OP and you are his childcare.🙄

Not a chance any woman with self esteem would allow herself be used as a babysitter when her children are beyond that age.

Give your head a wobble OP.

Yes yabu to be miffed. I’d be bloody furious. And embarrassed.

Could he pay either your 16 or 15 year old to look after the kids for a few hours? At 16 and 15 they are old enough to keep an eye on an 8 and 10 year old as long as it’s not overnight.