To tell my friend why we don't want to come to the swanky members club

[hursty900]

I have a big birthday coming up and one of my friends has invited me and OH to the swanky members club they belong to, for dinner. I quite fancy it but my OH is not interested as (we both know) they'll be swanning around the place which will be full of wannabes and showy types and he hates all that that stands for... it makes him physically cringe and he'd hate every minute there. He's said he'd tolerate it if I want to go, but knowing how he'll feel it won't be very enjoyable and I would much rather go somewhere else. Do we just politely decline (and how - they think an invite here is THE pinnacle of an evening out) or should I try to explain - but risk my OH looking like a bit of d**k/or even jealous.. he's really not. It kind of implies we think they're the worst of the worst for being impressed by it all too...which we don't - different stroke for different folks and all that - AIBU to decline and any tactful advice how to is most welcome!

Your DH sounds like an uptight bore. He can’t just go, enjoy some nice food and being with friends?

How do you know what it's like if you've never been? It sounds like you want to go but your DH's 'not keen' is overriding your preference. If you say you're not available on the proposed date they may suggest the same place another evening and then you're really stuck.

That. For goodness sake. He needs to get a grip on himself. I'm far from the Country Club set but presumably you both like your friends, so not everyone there is snobby.
You're going for a meal, not to some event that involves circulating with the members. He needs to get over his reverse snobbery, go, eat nice food with kind friends, and be polite.

Ah, if I were your friends I'd feel a bit sad if you declined this lovely invitation to go to Wetherspoons (or wherever!).

I think I'd ask your dh to suck it up, it's your birthday, you want to go, you should be able to and he needs to just go and do so graciously and behave himself.

Am I the only one who wants to know which club? The Groucho? Soho House? Somewhere else?!

There's probably no way to politely decline without offending them, so either you offend them by making excuses or your OH grows up and allows you to enjoy this one night despite it not being his cup of tea, like most mature and reasonable partners would do. He's being a twat as others have said and needs to get a grip.

Not my thing either. Why not go for a nice dinner, just the two of you, and give that as a reason for declining the invitation?

”I quite fancy it”

Sounds like your DH is a bit of a prick then for not putting himself second to you on your birthday.

Take someone else or go alone.

Just go if you fancy it. Tell your husband to cop on.

You will probably be very underwhelmed by the whole thing but who cares, it's a night out

Good heavens, this is a nice and generous invitation. Your friend is probably using up some of their guest ‘passes’ in order to host you, let alone paying for the club in the first place.

What is the matter with your partner that he is so pre-disposed to dislike people? Nothing more tedious than someone who has a chip on their shoulder…

It’s a meal in a nice restaurant. What’s the issue?

You should not ask a question like this on a public forum, because the posters are not obliged to have "disclaimers". Women who are bitter hang around other women's forums all day and they really hate other women who are in a happy relationship. I'm just saying: go with YOUR gut feeling and not by posts who leap at any chance to begin with "your husband is a dick". [*]

[*] When did women start talking like this? I presume the phrase is said a lot on Eastenders or Coronation Street?

Why wouldn't you go? Your DH doesn't have to - it's fair enough if he'd hate it and you're right, it would put a downer on things for you...but why don't you go and hopefully have a great time to celebrate your birthday?

This.

irs your YOUR birthday, you quite fancy it, your husband needs to suck it up for one night!

You quite fancy it and it's your birthday so you you should thank them for the kind invitation and go!

Your DH can either graciously accompany you or stay home with a face like a smacked arse. His choice.

😂😂😂😂😂

Sometimes it's hard to know where to start, isn't it.

My dad had a real discomfort about swanky places, he told me eventually that he felt he didn’t feel good enough, and that other people might look down on him.
Swanky members clubs always remind me of Dev from Coronation Street and his gold club full of men all trying to show off and see themselves as big business people.
I think it would be great just to go and people watch and even watch your friend and her DH up their social game, whilst you both get to sit back, take it all in, and then have a good laugh about it when you get home.
But I would never laugh at an invitation - it’s kind of them to invite you. I would go without my other half and have a lovely time!

Your DH sounds unbearable.

‘DH thinks it’s a bit too fancy for him and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable so how about XXX instead? I’d love to check it out though, would be great if the 2 of us went for lunch sometime’

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it seems to apply here. Nothing wrong with trying something a bit different every now and again.

Jeez.. I'd better LTB quick!!! Thanks for all the helpful advice.
It's a nuanced situation that I guess unless you know the real people involved well it's impossible to explain fully or ask for a fair judgement on via a forum like this.

Why can't you go by yourself and your husband make an excuse and stay at home? Seems like the obvious solution.

Watching showy twats swanning around the place is part of the appeal of swanky clubs tbh. I'm not impressed by them and mostly think they're awful phonies, but I am amused by them and it's interesting to watch the social dynamics.

@hursty900 stop pandering to your partner! If you wanna go on YOUR birthday he can suck it up!

I’m astonished that ‘swanky’ is still in use unironically.

Not the point of the thread, I know.

I can understand his pov.....it would be my idea of hell. I'd rather have a pizza and a few drinks down the pub. But it's your day and you want to go, so he needs to sack it up or stay home.