To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

[123dontcomeatme]

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

FFS she doesn’t NEED one, but a great big hairy bruiser turning up on his doorstep and telling him to lay off, or else! - might just help a bit.

Seriously, you need to look at why you think this is an appropriate thing to say to anyone, especially given the circumstances.

I am not complaining that the outcome was not as I expected. It was exactly as I expected! I updated so that if anyone is reading this now or in the future, they have a more balanced understanding and do not feel huge pressure to do something that they do not have to. No woman should be put under that amount of pressure or guilt, her needs come first.

I'm going to check out now because some people are quite unhinged and don't seem to realise we are real people going through massive trauma right now.

You be rude all you like.

I feel for your daughter but I think you've handled this less than the best for her future well being.

No one put pressure on you. People made suggestions. You choose what to do. No one forced you.

Sweet fucking Christ.

Are you okay? I think she's handled very well. At least she has the bravery to confront him and tell people. Unlike you hiding behind your screen you should be ashamed of yourself.

The op is in the real world with her daughter you're behind a screen. The only advice I gave to the op is to shut down the thread. Her daughter needs proper support. You can't give advice it's not your place to say anything. Offer a support group don't bully the op her daughter is going through enough.

What is wrong with you?

Just to add, in his social circles it might be pretty routine to take on a younger trophy wife. This young woman may absolutely have a group of women in a similar situation to befriend. If he is a senior banker, for example, it's not that unusual. I used to work in a City bank and loads of the senior guys had much younger second wives. It was like a club!

Disgusting

Don’t ’threaten’ the police, take it seriously and actually do tell them about his behaviour and tell him you’ve informed the police.

@123dontcomeatme

I'm so sorry your dd is going through this

What an utterly frightening situation for her at such a young age.

I personally think you've handled it like a worried concerned parent and have dealt and are dealing with it putting your dd wants and needs first.

Don't listen to any of the rude responses you're getting.

If you read through posts on here you will see there's always some that feel the need to dig.

I'm sending thoughts to you both

She has been to police.

The posts saying "tell the police" came before anyone knew about the rape. The motivation was concern about her physical safety because the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you are escaping it. The concerns were reasonable given the long list of well-publicised murders of women and girls by their ex-boyfriends.

What?!

Don't block him! Keep the lines of communication open from his end. To keep ss proof. And to also stop him finding other methods of communication

Read the OP’s posts before commenting!!

She might have to change her number and delete her socials. Any response your DD gives him, he'll respond 10 x harder. You could probably get away with blocking him. Having said that if you report him to the police for harassment they should take it seriously and mark as domestic abuse (I know you and him or DD and him aren't living together it's just the police terms.)

I was answering the first post so I get your point.

If this is in England or Wales then he has committed the offence of harassment, he has likely committed other offences as well (stalking, malicious communications, etc.)
If the victim wants to report it to police and support a prosecution (willing to provide a statement and go to court) then it will be investigated by Police. If the victim is not willing to do these things then don't report it or expect the Police to do anything.

Hope you and your daughter are doing ok.

Thanks for asking.

It's been a week I'd rather never repeat.

My poor dd, for being so brave has also now lost friends who say they don't believe her.
So, she's left her relationship, having to face the sexual assult and cohersive control that went on their entire relationship and lost most of her friends and social life at a time where she really needs people around her.

I am struggling to know what I can do to make this better for her. Currently want to just take her away and protect her from everyone and everything.

Wow why don’t they believe her? Are they friends of his and have taken his side?