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Original poster

To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

233 replies

lolo9 · 29/01/2025 23:16

My toddler is due to have a small procedure done tomorrow. Only a day case but first time under GA and I'm terrified.

The letter says 2 adults only. No siblings due to lack of space. I have a 1 month old baby who's currently breastfed. Don't have any childcare anyway but if I did I couldn't leave him as he won't take a bottle..

The plan was just to send DH with toddler, but the closer it's getting to it the more anxious I am. DH is brilliant but I can't shake the feeling my toddler needs their mum after something like that. I'd go on my own with newborn but I think it'd be too much to handle, having to hold toddler whilst put under with a newborn in tow.

Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn and DH? Baby in a carrier maybe? No pram to save space? Would they just send me away do you think? I probably should just listen to the letter and send toddler with DH. I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going 😭

OP posts:
snowmichael · 30/01/2025 12:21

lolo9 · 29/01/2025 23:16

My toddler is due to have a small procedure done tomorrow. Only a day case but first time under GA and I'm terrified.

The letter says 2 adults only. No siblings due to lack of space. I have a 1 month old baby who's currently breastfed. Don't have any childcare anyway but if I did I couldn't leave him as he won't take a bottle..

The plan was just to send DH with toddler, but the closer it's getting to it the more anxious I am. DH is brilliant but I can't shake the feeling my toddler needs their mum after something like that. I'd go on my own with newborn but I think it'd be too much to handle, having to hold toddler whilst put under with a newborn in tow.

Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn and DH? Baby in a carrier maybe? No pram to save space? Would they just send me away do you think? I probably should just listen to the letter and send toddler with DH. I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going 😭

> Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn
Yes
Ignorant and unreasonable
Either let their dad go, or dad takes the newborn and you go

Ceramiq · 30/01/2025 15:57

Ramblethroughthebrambles · 30/01/2025 11:37

What you state as fact is highly contested, and based on evolutionary theory applied in questionable ways rather than empirical research. There is indeed evidence pointing to the opposite (see below) though I'll admit it is difficult to measure all possible outcomes, and research is very limited in this area.

https://medicine.yale.edu/news/yale-medicine-magazine/article/children-thrive-when-fathers-stay-at-home/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4091994/

A number of studies, not surprisingly, do identify differences in parenting styles between men and women. However, it would take many years of shifting socially accepted gender roles before we could begin to unpick what is due to biology and what is due to learned social norms. Given that many other mammals show male / female differences in care of offspring, I would agree it's not unreasonable to assume some hard wired sex differences. However, humans are much more complex and self reflective and able to learn and adapt. It seems risky (for the well-being of all of us) to overstate differences and see these as inevitable, unchangeable, and due to fixed biologically determined 'functions'.

To me it seems implausible that a 'brilliant' and involved father wouldn't be able to comfort their toddler in this situation. Interestingly, it would have seemed much more plausible 50 yrs ago. Who knows what we will think fathers capable of in another 50 yrs.

Show quote history

The fundamental differences between mothers and fathers are settled science, however much sociologists, psychologists and other left-wing globalist loons would have it otherwise.

Needspaceforlego · 30/01/2025 16:28

Hwi · 30/01/2025 07:46

No, you should go and be with your little one, don't leave him on his own. Your baby will take the bottle if hungry enough.

I honestly would never guarantee that a BF baby would take a bottle.
Mine was 5mths completely refused. My mum resorted to water off a spoon. Babies can be fickle.

Needspaceforlego · 30/01/2025 16:30

@lolo9 what did you eventually do?

Original poster
lolo9 · 30/01/2025 16:47

Thanks for everyone's replies! Turned out fine in the end. Toddler is totally fine and wasn't phased. One of my good friends (who doesn't live too far from the hospital!) messaged me last week asking to catch up and meet baby so I messaged her this morning asking if she wanted a visitor as we were up that way. She offered for us to come and visit for the day and watched babe for an hour whilst I went to be with my toddler after the surgery. All very quick and DH is now on his way home with my bigger baby 🙌🏼xx

There were also some wildddd replies 🫣 everyone does things differently which is why I asked for advice! But being accused of 'me making it about me' is a crazy take on it 😅 I knew toddler would need me after it- that's all! X

OP posts:
Original poster
lolo9 · 30/01/2025 16:49

Overall I'm glad I didn't have to take newborn into the hospital as granted there are soooo many bugs going around. But if I hadn't got the offer from my friend last minute I was going to go and wait in the cafe/hang around surrounding area And do swapsies with DH ☺️

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 30/01/2025 16:59

KittenPause · 29/01/2025 23:21

It's not about you though

You should stay at home and look after your other child

Be a responsible adult

For a start you're anxious about it so being there helps no one especially when you've been specifically told to not go with siblings

Your DS will be fine with his dad

This. 👍

nc43214321 · 30/01/2025 17:15

Glad it all went well 👍

EdithBond · 30/01/2025 17:36

lolo9 · 30/01/2025 16:47

Thanks for everyone's replies! Turned out fine in the end. Toddler is totally fine and wasn't phased. One of my good friends (who doesn't live too far from the hospital!) messaged me last week asking to catch up and meet baby so I messaged her this morning asking if she wanted a visitor as we were up that way. She offered for us to come and visit for the day and watched babe for an hour whilst I went to be with my toddler after the surgery. All very quick and DH is now on his way home with my bigger baby 🙌🏼xx

There were also some wildddd replies 🫣 everyone does things differently which is why I asked for advice! But being accused of 'me making it about me' is a crazy take on it 😅 I knew toddler would need me after it- that's all! X

Really glad it all went well.

What a lovely friend! Looking after someone else’s newborn, even for an hour, can be quite daunting, even for family members.

Needspaceforlego · 30/01/2025 18:10

Lovely Op glad it all worked out. Good friend you have there.

HoraceCope · 30/01/2025 18:18

happy it went well op @lolo9

Destiny123 · 30/01/2025 20:02

AnxietyLevelMax · 30/01/2025 09:17

This is just crazy. Thank God no hospitals in my area have this rule. my child needed me and i needed my husband because ds didnt want to get off me for couple of hours, which was hard in a second trimester.

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I'm working in my 10th anaesthetic dept and not yet found one that baby siblings to come to recovery with the parents, paeds recovery is full of screaming kids at the best of times. Parents are only normally there for about 10min before returning to the ward. The other parent can cope for 10mins

TaggieO · 30/01/2025 20:08

Destiny123 · 30/01/2025 20:02

I'm working in my 10th anaesthetic dept and not yet found one that baby siblings to come to recovery with the parents, paeds recovery is full of screaming kids at the best of times. Parents are only normally there for about 10min before returning to the ward. The other parent can cope for 10mins

Show quote history

None I ever worked in have allowed it either.

Needspaceforlego · 30/01/2025 22:01

Destiny123 · 30/01/2025 20:02

I'm working in my 10th anaesthetic dept and not yet found one that baby siblings to come to recovery with the parents, paeds recovery is full of screaming kids at the best of times. Parents are only normally there for about 10min before returning to the ward. The other parent can cope for 10mins

Show quote history

You have unwittingly just answered a question.
When DS 3 at the time had a minor op I took him to theatre, was swiftly removed from there and given an approximate time to be back at his bed on the ward for.

I wasn't allowed near recovery. Many other bits of those couple of days are clear as yesterday. Them bringing him back and waking up is very wooly.

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

lolo9 · 30/01/2025 16:47

Thanks for everyone's replies! Turned out fine in the end. Toddler is totally fine and wasn't phased. One of my good friends (who doesn't live too far from the hospital!) messaged me last week asking to catch up and meet baby so I messaged her this morning asking if she wanted a visitor as we were up that way. She offered for us to come and visit for the day and watched babe for an hour whilst I went to be with my toddler after the surgery. All very quick and DH is now on his way home with my bigger baby 🙌🏼xx

There were also some wildddd replies 🫣 everyone does things differently which is why I asked for advice! But being accused of 'me making it about me' is a crazy take on it 😅 I knew toddler would need me after it- that's all! X

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

nocoolnamesleft · 31/01/2025 00:48

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

Show quote history

I am a paediatrician. On our children's ward this week we have had respiratory syncitio virus, metapneumovirus, flu A, flu B, and norovirus. This winter we have also seen pertussis and measles (due to dropping immunisation rates), strep A, chicken pox, enterovirus (causes meningitis in babies) ...well, you get the idea. We do try to isolate the more obviously infectious cases, but the open bays are still full of older wheezing children with stonking colds. And we don't have a day case unit, so that is where the surgical cases would go, as the side rooms are absolutely needed for the inpatient babies and the most contagious cases. Frankly I don't walk on the ward without a face mask, in winter.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/01/2025 01:30

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

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You...know that germs are invisible, right?

HipToTheHopDontStop · 31/01/2025 02:26

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

Show quote history

Jesus Christ. You think a ward designed for sick children has LESS germs than anywhere else? You might as well rub you babies face in a giant petri dish of rsv, chicken pox, pneumonia, bacterial meningitis....

Destiny123 · 31/01/2025 08:47

AnotherCleftMum · 30/01/2025 22:42

That's a lovely update. I'm glad it went well for you all.

I would say though that I don't recognise most of what other posters are saying about infection risks at hospitals. I've found the general areas of hospitals and the wards I have visited to be clean and I feel that I (or a newborn baby) am less at risk of catching an infection there than in most public places. If I needed to take a baby with me to a hospital I would. The only exception would be if I was visiting someone with a contagious disease and in that case I would leave baby elsewhere.

Show quote history

I wouldn't if I had a choice in general! I spend my life ill from bugs from work, and I'm relatively protected as most of my time is in theatre and unwell people get cancelled. There's so much flu and norovirus around to the point my trust is reimplementing face masks for all patient contact

But as an anaesthetist I'm well aware of how petrifying your child having an anaesthetic is and that would want to be there if can

lemming40 · 31/01/2025 18:05

It will be fine, just take your newborn. I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid. Worst case your DH can take your newborn outside? Realistically once your toddler is under you will be leaving the operating theater anyway.

Sickdissapointed · 31/01/2025 18:12

I’d be concerned about a new born in a hospital environment with the amount of bugs rife at the moment. It’s also a quiet environment in recovery post op and other patients won’t want to wake up to a crying baby. Agree all go and swap with dad when child wakes post op. Lots of luck.

CrimbleCrumbleCream · 31/01/2025 18:36

StormInaDcup99 · 29/01/2025 23:20

You all go but your husband takes baby somewhere else

When baby needs fed you n your husband swap so only one adult with toddler at any time

Would that work?

This! Baby goes with DH and swap if needed.

Mumof2girls2121 · 31/01/2025 18:37

They won’t turn away a baby that small

ScartlettSole · 31/01/2025 18:41

Our youngest has had many major ops before. The two people thing (at our hospital) is in the theatre while they give them the mask for anesthetic, they will not allow a baby there.

Honestly a hospital to quote a previous comment is a viral soup, its not a place id take a newborn unless absolutely necessary.

Also if its day surgery/minor surgery you often dont get a bed in a ward so youre basically hanging about corridors or waiting areas.

Id let their dad take them or if you feel you must go, take baby and sit in the cafe area if there is one.

hcee19 · 31/01/2025 18:45

I work on a surgical ward and trust me, a newborn will be no problem. They stipulate these regulations as some people will bring alot of children all running around, playing etc, doing what kids do ,but unfortunately there are sick children around. Some people have no regard for others , but take your baby with you, it will be OK, you are stressed enough. Hope all goes well