To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

[lolo9]

My toddler is due to have a small procedure done tomorrow. Only a day case but first time under GA and I'm terrified.

The letter says 2 adults only. No siblings due to lack of space. I have a 1 month old baby who's currently breastfed. Don't have any childcare anyway but if I did I couldn't leave him as he won't take a bottle..

The plan was just to send DH with toddler, but the closer it's getting to it the more anxious I am. DH is brilliant but I can't shake the feeling my toddler needs their mum after something like that. I'd go on my own with newborn but I think it'd be too much to handle, having to hold toddler whilst put under with a newborn in tow.

Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn and DH? Baby in a carrier maybe? No pram to save space? Would they just send me away do you think? I probably should just listen to the letter and send toddler with DH. I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going 😭

Take the baby in a sling, and the DH.
don’t postpone.

I wouldn't take a tiny baby anywhere near a hospital atm. Flu and noro virus everywhere. Has the baby had any jabs ?

You may think your toddler needs their mum but they don't need you if you're going to be overly anxious and will be absolutely fine just with dad. Also if newborn is unsettled or needs feeding etc you're going to be distracted from focusing on your toddler anyway whereas dad could have 100% focus. Let dad do this one.

I am assume this is partly down to infection control (both ways) and space.

If you are anxious probably best to be at home so don’t worry your toddler

Agree with others. Don’t take a newborn into a hospital, particularly a children area, if it can be avoided (which in this case it can be). Hospitals, in particular children’s areas, are a cesspool of virus especially in winter, you’d be putting your newborn at risk of flu, RSV, bronchiolitis all other which could be deadly for a newborn.

I think you’ll be fine taking a new born but for me it would be the germs and illnesses that the new born could pick up that would be my concern.

Talk to the ward and see what they suggest. My 2nd youngest has had 23 GA's and his younger brother is only a year younger than him. Up until my youngest was 18 months old he was frequently at the hospital with me and his brother, including being in his pram in the anaesthetic room.

This.
I do wonder by two adults only it means don’t bring grandparents, your sister and your second cousin along too.
Im sure they’ll understand about baby.

I’d go an hour or two after he goes in, even if they are being fairly strict they’ll probably allow you to switch out with your husband so he gets to see his mum. Then go home once he has seen you post op.

Of course you cannot take a month old baby into that environment - it would be totally incorrect for the baby unless they needed emergency treatment. Stay at home - it will be fine.

You stay home - your baby doesn’t have the immune system to be anywhere near a hospital unless needed for themselves. You have 2 children to care for so you need to stay home to keep your youngest safe. Lots of cuddles on the sofa with you once elder DC is back home

My experience of a similar situation is that they needed someone to be there to calm my dc as they were being out to sleep, to focus, hold their hands, talk to them and keep them from being scared. As soon as he was asleep I was quickly ejected into the corridor. Likewise they wanted me back again for recovery when dc was waking up until the point where they left hospital. I was there for a purpose to help them. Perhaps your other half can do that, or hold the baby if you have to.

On what grounds? The child needs his op.
This is exactly why mothers need to get babies used to bottles from day 1, especially if they have more than one child. Otherwise your older child needs you and you are being kept away by your boobs.
Send him with his dad.

You're putting you're newborn at risk in that environment

In fact to everyone on this thread

Most nurses hate when people bring in their snotty germ ridden DC onto wards

Babies are an exception as they're fairly safe from infection unless of course you willingly take them to places filled by people full of germs

For the love of god, don’t bring an unvaccinated baby to a hospital if not clinically necessary. It’s germ soup in there this time of year. The reason we don’t allow siblings on our wards, and yes we would say you’d need to wait in the cafe, is for infection control.

We also have apprehensive children about to undergo procedures, and chidlren trying to recover from procedures so a screaming newborn isn’t going to be very conducive to that process. Equally, if your baby is only a month old, you aren’t going to be focussing your attention on your toddler either and he deserves quiet and calm and to be the sole focus, so let your DH take him or do cafe swaps.

My DS had a procedure under anaesthetic as a day case last week. The ward in our hospital was a dedicated day case ward, but had very little space - baby in a carry would have fitted but no room for even a car seat on our ward. Only one adult could go down to procedure where they gave anaesthetic for us and one in recovery room - so potentially you might not be able to do this anyway if baby was feeding when your DC was called? I think PP's suggestion of going along but not on the ward and swapping in with DH (one on the ward with your child, one with the baby off the ward) potentially sounds like it would work.

I will also say DS and I have both come down with an awful virus since which I think we must have caught there!

I really feel for you, it's a worrying time but for us the staff were great and my DS (who is school age) declared it much better than school and wanted to go again. It's really worrying as a parent but the kids all seemed fine with it.

I think the toddler can cope with being with just his dad. You could always wait round the corner in a cafe with the baby, then the toddler could see you pretty much as soon as it's finished. But I'd say just trust he'll be alright with his dad. He'll need to be used to being alone with his dad in future surely? If he's groggy afterwards he probably won't be that with it to realise who exactly sees him first anyway.

This is a shitty comment. She's not making it about her. She's a mum who wants to be there when her toddler goes under GA because he needs his mum. Try a little empathy.

Absolutely this!

I wouldn't take a month-old baby onto a paediatric ward unnecessarily - it wouldn't be good for them. What you could do is have one parent with your child having the GA and the other parent in the hospital café with the baby, then swap as needed. That way you're both near.

In your shoes, I would take the baby in a sling and just see what the situation is when you get there. Worst case scenario, dad can take the baby and go for a walk or wait in the café and you are close by to swap over if the baby needs a feed.

I don't think there's anything unusual about feeling split between your children in circumstances like this with a tiny baby and another child undergoing surgery. It's very understandable. My eldest was hospitalised when her sibling was a breastfeeding baby (during COVID too, fun times) and we had to do similar, swapping in and out and DH looking after the baby on hospital grounds so I could swap over and take him for feeds. If your DC is just a day case then hopefully it will be manageable for a few hours.

I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going

As the mother of a 34 year old DS who has his first surgery at 6 months and his most recent a year ago.......you will always feel like this!

But....it doesnt matter if you are at home with your baby or sitting on uncomfortable chairs in a corridor waiting for an update, you wont know how its going. The first update you will get is when he is in recovery and as soon as your DH gets that update he will call you.

Better to be at home and comfy with the baby as the baby will feed better that way.

My husband is currently on a post-surgery ward.

The signs up all over the place are quite stern but staff are great and make allowances. I honestly don’t think you taking your tiny one in will cause any problems at all.

Hope your little one makes a speedy recovery.

Op I'd take the baby with you.
When they say 2 adults it's because you'd get whole families rocking up, Mum Dad, Granny's, Aunties.

And they won't want other kids running around getting in the way. Newborns don't do that.

The day my toddler had an Op one of the Nursing Assistants ended up wandering round the ward with a baby sibling, maybe 12 mths. For whatever reason Mum was alone, couldn't get a babysitter, she took other child to theatre, and Nursing Assistant ended up wandering around with the baby who was getting called Baby the NA hadn't asked the name!

I don’t think I would for this op but if you decide to I was once admitted to hospital with a kidney infection which I get quite often.
My DH was in a conference so I get my mum to come with me which meant I had no one to look after DD who was 3 at the time.

The staff said my mum had to leave with DD, but when I pointed out that every time I had been in hospital and had a seizure I was treated horribly so there was not a cat in hells chance I was being left alone. They backed down

if anyone is interested this is what I have had to endure from hospital care

including having diazepam stuck up my arse for a 2 minute seizure!!!!. I

an internal when I was in labour which my mum tried to stop as I was only out for a minute and came too with a doctors fingers shoved up me. Having been digitally raped in the past that was a huge trigger and I had actually told them I was worried about this happening and was assured it wouldn’t unless the seizure when on more then 5 minutes. I was hooked up to monitors at the time so they knew baby was fine. I had also been checked 10 minutes before with consent and was told I was at 4cm.

I have also ended up with a cracked rib when a student doctor pressed too hard to see how deep I was (you are meant to rub the sternum not press on the rib).

I also had a paramedic accuse me of being drunk in to front of my boss!!!!

sorry just hijacked the thread