To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

[lolo9]

My toddler is due to have a small procedure done tomorrow. Only a day case but first time under GA and I'm terrified.

The letter says 2 adults only. No siblings due to lack of space. I have a 1 month old baby who's currently breastfed. Don't have any childcare anyway but if I did I couldn't leave him as he won't take a bottle..

The plan was just to send DH with toddler, but the closer it's getting to it the more anxious I am. DH is brilliant but I can't shake the feeling my toddler needs their mum after something like that. I'd go on my own with newborn but I think it'd be too much to handle, having to hold toddler whilst put under with a newborn in tow.

Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn and DH? Baby in a carrier maybe? No pram to save space? Would they just send me away do you think? I probably should just listen to the letter and send toddler with DH. I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going 😭

Also if you all go and then staff send you away, will that upset your toddler?
your DH will be fine. I would stay home.

Do they then sit in the children's ward and wander around the hospital, full of sick people?

I expect they'd allow a tiny babe in arms but it would be far better for you toddler to just go with dad. They get one to one attention rather than sharing it with a potentially fussy baby.

It’s likely to be fine, as when they say siblings they will be meaning walking/talking children that need a chair, might mess around, upset/distract child that needs the procedure. Not a literal breastfed baby. Your baby is basically a loaf of bread that poops and cries. Just be ready to go out if baby is crying and unsettled.

Anaesthetist. You'll probably be fine, it's more meaningful siblings that are of an age of running around causing chaos not one in a carrier. If you're going with to theatre then dad will have to keep baby,as only 1 parent comes into theatre and you can't look after 2 kids at once. Good luck they'll be fine

This. I agree that the hospital is unlikely to include a breastfed newborn in their definition of siblings that aren’t allowed. I would turn up with DH and baby and see if they turn you away. I’m a massive stickler for the rules and I really think you’re ok here

Your 3yo needs your undivided attention. This is a time that they need to know sometimes they will come first with a baby sibling.

It's hard. Dd2's first A&E trip was with dh, because ds was a baby, and he didn't contact (no mobile back then) at all so I spent the night worrying.

But today's about your 3yo, not your worry.

I'm sorry I don't understand why DH is considered not good enough on his own?
I'd say turn up with the baby and if they say no then you go home and leave DH to it

i think that would be worse for the toddler

Why should it be when dad can go on his own? What a waste of a slot.

Having been through this a few times when my son was receiving laser treatments on a facial birthmark, I’d say leave your husband to go with your son. The anaesthetist and whole team are just brilliant with kids, blowing bubbles to distract them, and put on a small mask where they got him to count to ten and he was out really quickly. A bit confused on waking up, but totally fine.

Then it’s total focus from one parent on the child undergoing the procedure, with the benefit of not exposing the baby to the hospital full of sick people.

Our hospital is full of norovirus. I would trust the dad to parent his son and keep the baby away.

I was in this exact position. Husband took toddler and I stayed home with baby. Hope all goes ok xx

While you are absolutely right that parenting is of course easier to have someone else beside you to pick up the slack, this isn't the issue. OP wants to be there for both of her children and it sounds like both of them need her and she should take the baby with her

Only 1 parent in recovery and no baby. Paeds leave recovery v quickly tho

In your position I would stay home with the baby and let dad deal with the hospital. It's better for him to have one parent who is totally focused on him there rather than two trying to divide their attention and deal with a crying/feeding/needing changed baby as well.

I don't think the staff would object to you taking the baby as it's more extended family and older children running around that causes issues, but if you have the option to keep the baby at home it might be calmer and less stressful for your toddler.

Your toddler needs a parent.

I'd stay at home with the new baby due to infection risk. There's a lot of it about at the moment and people on paediatric wards will be exposed to illnesses more harmful to young babies than older children and adults. (Bronchiolitis leading to mastitis was not fun at 7m and would have killed off beast feeding in the early days).

Mums do not have to do everything.
DH is no less of a parent because I took DS2 to A&E where he ended up with emergency surgery. I'm no less of a parent because after discharge, I got DH up to speed on DS2's needs and picked up my original plans leaving DS2 in the loving care of his father. DH was needed at home at surgery time/ over night for DS1.

If DH wasn't avaliable, it would be a different matter, but there is a parent avaliable to meet DC1's needs without adding in potential comolications of baby's needs and health.

Yea pls don't postpone at this late notice it's really irritating as we can't slot fill at under 2d notice

Stay home with the baby. Your toddler will be fine. It's mostly waiting around anyway.

We’ve had a lot of hospital surgeries and stays and in my experience a baby will be fine. My DD had several procedures and we often had her twin with us and was never problem. However, I’d be really wary of taking a newborn to hospital at the moment, winter bugs are high at the moment! It’s really horrible leaving them to surgery and waiting around, I’ve sat at home before whilst DD has gone and it’s awful. But she was fine with her Dad, it was worse for me than her. Just let Dad go, it will be ok.

No, you should go and be with your little one, don't leave him on his own. Your baby will take the bottle if hungry enough.

@hwi dad will be with them, won’t be in their own

Emotions will be running so high for you and I understand why you’d want to be there but it’s probably best that you’re not. It’s going to be better for some undivided attention for the toddler and I’d be worried about infection risk with a newborn that young.

The children’s wards will be full of rsv and other nasty viruses that you don’t want a newborn getting. It was bad enough when one of mine got bronchiolitis at 11m and then had a secondary lung infection. The ward was full of babies being suctioned, getting oxygen etc. I was broken as she didn’t sleep for a month, threw up multiple times a day for ages and then came down with another infection. The same at 1 month would have been horrific and very dangerous.

This.

I wouldn't take a baby to any part of a hospital unless they were the patient.

To be honest you should trust your DH to handle this. You don't need to be there for your toddler and it sounds like you want to be there more for your own peace of mind. That's your anxiety talking. They will be fine without you, children have procedures every day with one parent present.

I would be more worried about taking a tiny baby who hasn't had their vaccinations into a hospital, especially when there are so many nasty viruses around. Stay home and get DH to phone or FaceTime as soon as it's over.