To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

[lolo9]

My toddler is due to have a small procedure done tomorrow. Only a day case but first time under GA and I'm terrified.

The letter says 2 adults only. No siblings due to lack of space. I have a 1 month old baby who's currently breastfed. Don't have any childcare anyway but if I did I couldn't leave him as he won't take a bottle..

The plan was just to send DH with toddler, but the closer it's getting to it the more anxious I am. DH is brilliant but I can't shake the feeling my toddler needs their mum after something like that. I'd go on my own with newborn but I think it'd be too much to handle, having to hold toddler whilst put under with a newborn in tow.

Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn and DH? Baby in a carrier maybe? No pram to save space? Would they just send me away do you think? I probably should just listen to the letter and send toddler with DH. I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going 😭

Sorry, must have said it wrong, meant - pump the milk, dad will bottle-feed (baby will bottlefeed if hungry), go with the toddler for his procedure.

I would all go, but have DH wait in the cafe / hallway with baby, so that I can be with the baby if needed, but I’m also there with my toddler.

Could you both go to the hospital but one of you stay downstairs in the cafe with the baby while the other is with your toddler? You could by there when she goes to sleep and wakes up but your DH could check her in and be close at hand during the procedure.

To be fair, in a medical day surgery unit the children are more likely than average to be free of colds and bugs as they don't like to give general anaesthetic to ill children.

I think you'd be fine w a baby in a carrier OP, it's lots of small children running round they're trying to avoid.

YABU - just let your husband take the toddler as per the original plan!

Your child needs a loving sensible parent. This is their first time in this situation. I recall a hospital trip aged about 4 with my dad. My dad was great but useless. However I found the whole thing really exciting since I got rewarded by a BOX (unheard of) of smarties. Basically, as mums we might not have enough distance or insight on what our kids end up feeling or needing. I think let your husband go. Ensure he’s super calm and confident and loving with her. You need to be with the baby. Your daughter knows you love her. You’ll be there on her return. Maybe with an unexpected something special (lots of extra hugs and stories, if not a box of smarties!). Good luck op.

Your dh can be there. He is the child’s father and able to care for his child. You need to look after your newborn. Your newborn needs you more than your toddler, who will have his caring dad with him, needs you.

I’d ignore all the posters who are being unsympathetic & behaving as though they know exactly what your toddler can cope with. I can’t imagine the hospital will count a baby in arms as a “sibling” they don’t have room for in this case. I’d go with your partner and hope for the best. I hope it all goes well.

I understand where you're coming from but I'd avoid taking newborn to a hospital filled with sick kids and germs if at all possible!

All I would say is that I would avoid taking a 1 month old to a general children's ward if at all possible due to the risk of exposure to respiratory infections. There may also be a real problem with physical space, it is unlikely your son will have a private room, so no space for a pram etc.

Honestly send your DH- it will be fine.

I would go along.

A 1 month old baby is different than an older child.

And you and your DH can always swap around if needed.

this

I hear that you are struggling with this, but if you are anxious your toddler will
pick up on this -so please don’t go. It will be an unsettling experience for them and they need a calm parent with them.
And please don’t tell them to be brave-that suggests something not very nice is going to happen and can ramp up their anxiety

I would go too, and take the baby in a sling/carrier, with a small backpack for the changing gear (not an enormous overpacked messenger bag with a long floppy strap that will get in the way!).

If they really don't want baby there, then either you or husband can take baby away and take turns according to the needs of your baby and your toddler. There are loads of places to hide out in a hospital while you're waiting - canteen, chapel, outside space, costa, shop.

There's normally a team of helpful volunteers near the main entrance during the day - they'll point you to somewhere quiet / food / toilets with changing facilities etc.

Don't overthink it or unnerve your toddler by turning up apologising etc. Just do it and then work it out if they say baby can't be bedside.

You’re making this about you and your needs.

Think of your child’s needs and the fact that this procedure is something they need for better quality of life.

Let your husband take them and you stay home with the baby.

It’s not fair on your child to prolong this by cancelling again and you’re messing the hospital around by doing so and wasting valuable time that could be used on other patients.

Agree with pp one of you stays in cafe with baby and you switch in and out

I would want to go on the journey to and from the hospital but I hear what others are saying about infection control. I think I’d send DH in with the toddler but I’d stay nearby in the cafe or car.
If Ds was really desperate for me then I could swap with DH briefly without worrying about the baby feeding.

Disagree. This is about the children's needs and they both need their mother. There is going to be a compromise situation and that probably means DH staying nearby with the baby while OP is with toddler undergoing the procedure.

Could you both go and take it in turns to be with your toddler? One of you wait in the canteen while the other stays with your toddler?
I understand how you feel and why you would want to be there.

Your ds will be fine with your dh. He needs some one on one time which you wouldn't provide with baby too. You say you're anxious, don't let him pick up on that.

Personally I'd only take a new baby to the hospital if they were the patient.

A child doesn’t need their mother in these circumstances if their father is a decent parent. Surely your husband is equally able to take care of and comfort your child as you are?

This solution. Or you stay home. Your child needs the procedure. Put that first.

The hospital have rules for a reason. Could you go and be nearby, so maybe DH stays with him for pre-op, when he's under you swap and you're there for recovery or the other way around.

Obviously it's different for a toddler, but my elderly Mum needs an operation soon. She's been told, I'll have to phone from outside and they'll come down and get her, I'm not allowed in the hospital.

Totally agree

That's not true.