To ignore the letter and go anyway? Toddler day case procedure

[lolo9]

My toddler is due to have a small procedure done tomorrow. Only a day case but first time under GA and I'm terrified.

The letter says 2 adults only. No siblings due to lack of space. I have a 1 month old baby who's currently breastfed. Don't have any childcare anyway but if I did I couldn't leave him as he won't take a bottle..

The plan was just to send DH with toddler, but the closer it's getting to it the more anxious I am. DH is brilliant but I can't shake the feeling my toddler needs their mum after something like that. I'd go on my own with newborn but I think it'd be too much to handle, having to hold toddler whilst put under with a newborn in tow.

Would it be completely ignorant of me to show up with my newborn and DH? Baby in a carrier maybe? No pram to save space? Would they just send me away do you think? I probably should just listen to the letter and send toddler with DH. I'm just worried and being at home will drive me up the wall not knowing how it's going 😭

If you know he's a good dad, let him dad
You take care of the baby, and each child gets a parent's complete focus

Why would you take a newborn into a hospital full of bugs (particularly at this time of year)?

From my experience the day procedure ward is often busy and cramped

I'd let DH go. If you are anxious it's probably better if you aren't there.

I would not think they would object to a breastfed new-born. Itd be different if were bringing a exuberant very mobile toddler or came trailing three siblings behind you. Id do what other posters have suggested Id bring DH. keep him nearby and do swopsies when needed.

My son now 9 had an accident when he was 3 which required him waiting in hospital until 3am and 5 stitches in his forehead. he had a fall while we were at an event one evening. Before I could think straight my DH rushed off with him to A&E. I had to bring my other 2 children (under 4) and put them to bed, I had no one who could come and sit with them so I couldn't follow them to the hospital.

To this day I regret it. My son has very clear memories of that night and has asked me many times why I didn't go with him. He also still has a largish bump on forehead so noticeable that people remark on it. I think if I had been there I would have more discussion with the doctors about follow up treatment.

As for the GA - Another son had a couple when a toddler. Try not to worry. The staff are brilliant - they have it down to a fine art and are very efficient so you don't get a lot of time to worry. They are brilliant with little ones so there'll be the minimum of annoyance for them.

Best of luck,

Yes, I'd definitely still both of you go with baby in the sling. It's a babe in arms, so it's normal for them to be allowed places that a non-babe in arms wouldn't be. Not the same I know, but my toddler was in the labour room with me and DH, no one said a word. Without going into detail, there was no choice as I was rushed in by ambulance.

Hopefully you don't get unlucky with a jobsworth. Worst case scenario, if they do make an issue out of it, I'd calmly remind them that baby's a newborn. If that doesn't get through to them, and they make baby leave, then get DH to wear baby in a sling for a short time, then you switch over when you need to feed etc.

ETA They can and do make exceptions. They just state no siblings so that they don't have people bringing their other children all the time, but honestly, I'd be very disappointed if they turned a breastfed newborn away.

If you have a tiny newborn in a sling/baby carrier (rather than a massive pram), then they will likely overlook it. Just go.

Are you forgetting that most babies in the UK are born in hospitals? Baby is breastfed, and will be getting antibodies from mum's milk.

I can totally understand why you feel anxious, OP, but I'm not sure the two of you going with DS and a newborn baby is going to help any of you feel better? It will add another complicated if you have to swap over, etc.

My DS is a lot older (he's 10) but had a minor procedure earlier this month under a GA, and I totally understand why you'd like to be there, but there are also the issues about a crying newborn, germs, etc to consider.
DS was unbothered by the GA, I think DH found it a lot more upsetting!

We took our 1 week old along for our toddlers MRI in the same situation. We were prepared for DH to wait outside with the baby and swap for feeds, but ended up being allowed in fine. When she was brought round after a nurse even offered to cuddle him on the ward so that we could both go down to her.

This is a really unhelpful post. The OP thinks her older child will want her (or she wants to be with them) rather than it strictly being a need.

The children's pre-op area is a no food or drink area for everyone in there - so not somewhere to take a bottle fed baby unless it's them having the operation. So I actually thought that being breastfed made it easier to potentially take baby as OP wouldn't be taking any food or drink in with her. Although OP would need to be careful that she was ok to breastfeed while not being able to eat/drink.

Good luck OP! I hope everything goes well for you 🙏

This.

Why undermine his father?

My DS had a general last year and I wouldn't have been able to support him while there was a baby or another child in the mix. I had to hold him while he got his cannula in the anaesthetic room and then be there while he was put to sleep then leave instantly. I'm not sure it would he appropriate to have a baby in that setting/down in theatre. I then waited about for a bit then was taken back down to collect him from recovery and he was quite teary and needing a lot of reassurance then. Again I wouldn't have wanted to have anything else to deal with but him at that point. Once we were back up in his room (he had his own but that wasn't NHS, wouldn't imagine it would be single rooms day case post op) it would have been OK but there were quite a few kids a bit teary and distressed post op. I can totally understand you wanting to be on site, I think I would be the same but I think I would expect to have one parent doing the actual recovery with eldest because it was quite a hands on process and there would definitely be some parts that weren't appropriate with a baby.

I was in the exact position as you, desperately wanted to be with my toddler (felt very natural I wouldn't be there) Ultimately he was absolutely fine with his dad and it would have been unfair on my newborn and the other children on the ward if we had all turned up x

I understand how you feel but I think it might be better just to let Dad handle it, rather than expose baby to germs.

I can't imagine they'd turn you away, no

Let your husband handle this one OP. You've got 2 children now, your son has 2 parents and this is the new normal. Unless your husband is the sort who's never done a bedtime or changed a nappy, your toddler will be absolutely fine and will be better off with one parent's undivided attention than 2 parents juggling changing, feeding, soothing and napping of a newborn. It is very normal and natural for toddlers to spend a bit more time with their dad once a new baby arrives. Trust your husband.

All of you go and bring the baby in the carrier.

You can't stay with them during the procedure anyway, surely? It's just while they go in. Then you would be back when they are waking up. I'd ring and ask if it is a problem.

I understand the desire to be there, but please just let his Dad take him. You won't be able to be there fully for your toddler with a baby in tow and they may not let you be with him till he is asleep if you do take the baby. Is his Dad competent? Then show your DH you trust him to parent and let him take your toddler.

I once had to let my DH take my preschooler to A and E while I stayed home with a breastfed baby. I know it's hard but sometimes, you do what you have to do.

Just show up OP. The letter says lack of space- a newborn doesn’t take up space if you bring a carrier. What’s the worst that can happen? You get sent away and your husband stays with toddler? Then you go to a nearby cafe and wait.

A lot of frothing about adhering to the rules on this thread as usual. Some even suggesting you take up NhS time to phone and ask. Get a grip.

It probably doesn't matter if you all go but I think it would be best if your husband goes on his own. I know you will be worried but it's silly to think your husband couldn't manage. The fewer people hanging around the hospital the better.

This. No need whatsoever to take baby.

This is about you managing your anxiety rather than what’s best for your toddler. Your DS needs calm and rest after surgery, not both parents fussing round him with a newborn. Is a short, minor, procedure and unless his dad is a complete idiot your child will be absolutely fine with him.

If your anxious your toddler will pickup on this so probably be better with DH

How long is the procedure? If it’s going to take hours and hours I would stay home as it’s not really fair on the baby to spend all day in a hospital cafe (presuming baby won’t be allowed on the ward as they’ve said no siblings.)