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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and disregarding boundaries

217 replies

TTCagain85 · 29/01/2025 14:48

RANT INCOMING- AIBU?

What would you do if your MIL consistently oversteps boundaries and your husband won't speak to her about it as he has been brought up emotionally emeshed and parentified by her.

For context, he is an only child. She is married and has stepchildren.

Me and husband have agreed to have a weekend free of visitors before the arrival of our second child next week. MIL was supposed to visit last weekend but cancelled due to weather. She lives an hour away, and i don't blame her for not travelling when the weather wasn't pleasant. Cut to today, announces she is visiting on Sunday, and I had responded to say this doesn't suit that we have plans Saturday and Sunday, but offered an alternative day. Her response was that she will be dropping stuff off to our house on Sunday anyway.

😡😡😡😡😡 we will most likely be in the house as we want to relax, and if she arrives, we will have to host her against our wishes. She isn't one for stopping by for a quick cuppa, it's always a 5/6hr visit.

Husband refused to address this with her.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Orders76 · 02/02/2025 23:56

Loving your last update, sounds like a wonderful day to yourselves before the joy and upheaval!
Very best of luck this week!

Imisschampagne · 03/02/2025 04:45

ArtTheClown · 02/02/2025 22:12

She’s his MOTHER. I wonder if you’ll feel different once you have your own child and you imagine your future daughter in law complaining and restricting access to your son and telling you you can’t come round.

The woman is about to give birth, ffs! Is she not entitled to one day chilling in her own house? "Restricting access to her son", he's a grown man! What if they wanted to spend the day shagging or something?

Don’t even try to entertain the poster… obviously @Flipflop223 does not have empathy as in understanding for OP‘s situation and is set in her ways. We can’t teach someone empathy.

@TTCagain85 Again, good for you for understanding that our children are their own individual beings and that later involvement should come and be based on love, voluntary will and mutual respect rather than because of unhealthy family dynamics and anachronistic beliefs that family comes first no matter how bad it makes one feel.

all the best for your birth and new addition to the family! Continue doing what’s best for you and your chosen family. Sounds like you’re on a great path to create a healthier family dynamic with your husband for your children than what he experienced :)

MyLimeGuide · 03/02/2025 05:42

Imisschampagne · 03/02/2025 04:45

Don’t even try to entertain the poster… obviously @Flipflop223 does not have empathy as in understanding for OP‘s situation and is set in her ways. We can’t teach someone empathy.

@TTCagain85 Again, good for you for understanding that our children are their own individual beings and that later involvement should come and be based on love, voluntary will and mutual respect rather than because of unhealthy family dynamics and anachronistic beliefs that family comes first no matter how bad it makes one feel.

all the best for your birth and new addition to the family! Continue doing what’s best for you and your chosen family. Sounds like you’re on a great path to create a healthier family dynamic with your husband for your children than what he experienced :)

Edited
Show quote history

Excellent post all round.😍

Imisschampagne · 03/02/2025 05:59

MyLimeGuide · 03/02/2025 05:42

Excellent post all round.😍

Show quote history

Thank you ❤️

LookItsMeAgain · 03/02/2025 19:08

TTCagain85 · 02/02/2025 22:51

No she wasn't sat there waiting on us :) we had a lovely day. Hubby lay in till noon, whilst I got up with DS. We chilled, had a lovely afternoon out, then I got some rest (naps are life!) whilst DS and DH played football. Finished the day with a lovely walk on the beach with the dog.

We are all looking forward to Thursday and are starting our week thoroughly relaxed and refreshed.

DH shared some photos of our day with MIL and let her know we are all excited to see her later this week.

Sounds like you had the perfect day for you!

Best of luck on Thursday.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/02/2025 05:00

Thinking of you today OP. Hope all goes well x

Original poster
TTCagain85 · 06/02/2025 23:57

Baby here late afternoon safe and sound! MIL looking forward to meeting her tomorrow and all is well in the world of us!

OP posts:
Tavimama · 07/02/2025 00:24

Congratulations 💐

Imisschampagne · 07/02/2025 04:06

Congratulations 🥂

SparkleFly · 07/02/2025 05:58

Congratulations! 🥰

Skodacool · 07/02/2025 06:41

Flipflop223 · 02/02/2025 21:49

Sorry but as a mother with sons (and daughters), it feels really sad to me that you’re trying to come between him and his mum. What are you trying to achieve here? She brought him into this world.. Just as you are about to do that for another human. How will you feel in 20 years when you try to go and see him and drop off some things for his baby and the daughter in law starts huffing about it? I think this is really quite sad 😞

Show quote history

Says the future mother in law from hell!

Sugargliderwombat · 07/02/2025 06:42

So lovely - congratulations and glad everything has worked out!

pelargoniums · 07/02/2025 08:05

Congratulations! Well done 🎉

Cabinqueen · 07/02/2025 08:44

Congratulations! 🎉💐

LookItsMeAgain · 07/02/2025 14:05

TTCagain85 · 06/02/2025 23:57

Baby here late afternoon safe and sound! MIL looking forward to meeting her tomorrow and all is well in the world of us!

Congratulations to you @TTCagain85 and welcome to the mad house little one! 💐Flowers

comedycentral · 07/02/2025 23:45

Lovely news, congratulations!!

CountryMouse22 · 30/01/2026 11:06

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