DH wants me to go part time at work …

[Pinkflowerpower]

DH and I both work full time. He earns (£70k) which is double my wage. We have 2 children under 3 who are in nursery full time.

My role means that I often don’t get back for nursery pick ups at 6 and DH has to cover these which is effecting his role as he has to leave work early. His role is the main source of income.

We have been in our situation a year and it is stressful as we are both rushing around.

Whilst my role isn’t hugely well paid I get a decent pension scheme. I do however find it stressful at times and this spills over into our personal life .

A week day is - wake up , get the children to nursery - run to work , rush to collect children , cook dinner , get the children to bed , then do the washing and cleaning etc. It feels like we are on a treadmill and I do worry the children are always being rushed about !

I am aware our set up will get harder when the children go to school and we don’t have access to nursery from 8-6pm.

Last night DH said he would like me to consider going part time or working around school hours even if meant I earnt a lot less as his job is suffering , we are both exhausted and he feels like we never see each other or the children during the week.

Deep down I think DH is right .I wouldn’t be sad to work part time but I am 37 and wonder if this is an awfulIdea ? I am worried that I won’t be able to pay much into a pension at all and that if I do this until the children start secondary I will never get a carer started!

The other part of me would love to be less stressed as my role is extremely emotional and I would love to see the children more and have some days at home.

DH is kind , supportive and we split the house work equally. We have shared finances. We don’t have massive amounts of savings but no debts and have a small Mortgage.

AIBU to go part time at 37?

Also if you're paid around 70k, dropping to 4.5 or 4 days a week doesn't reduce your take home pay by as much as you think because that bit is all higher rate taxed. I did it for a while in the nursery years in that salary and with two, given the saving in nursery costs, it didn't even really cost anything to drop the half day

Can anyone else collect your child from nursery in a paid for capacity? As kids a neighbour collected us plus their own and then our parents collected us from there. I would be really reluctant to go part-time if you can help it. However do whatever works for your family.

You can find a holiday club in school holidays plus annual leave is meant for spending with your kids. There's also unpaid parental leave which is I think 2 weeks per child a year? So between them 8 weeks un paid leave available

The DH is doing the pick ups as OP often cannot do it. Looks like OP needs flex working.

Exactly he's only going to be reducing the part of his pay that is taxed so it's not going to be that huge an imapct

The trouble is from a purely financial view if there is spare money to pay into a pension it makes more sense to pay it into DHs as he’d get higher rate tax relief. So if they paid £10k into his pension the pension company would claim back basic rate and dh could claim back higher rate from hmrc which works out to £2.5k. If £10k paid into op pension there is no higher rate relief to come back so it costs £2.5k more to end up with same amount in the pension

Could he go part time? He'd still be making a decent amount on. A few less hours!

Are you doing the morning drop offs? If yes, is your husband getting into work early to get a good chunk of work done before others arrive? That's what I do, I earn very well and the time I leave does not impact my career as everyone knows this is how I work.

Yes if you are happy to reduce your hours. Going part-time is nowhere near as risky as being an SAHM without a job or income. IMHO.

Another bonus would be that they may qualify for child benefit if his income dropped to below £60k.

Because it shouldnt be a man's job?!

If you work part time you will still be rushing around, just at different times. I work part time and mornings are still a faff.

I also think you need to ge careful to not go part time to clean and cook. It's fine to put the children first but a lot of people sleep walk into actually being off for housework.

I wouldn't, personally. I value my financial independence.

Also much more tax efficient for the higher earner to drop some hours. I say that as the higher earner who has gone slightly part time. Sounds like a happy marriage, so the conversation should at least consider either of you dropping some hours.

I'd be wary of damaging my career. However, working part-time wouldn't be my first choice. I'd think about a different more flexible job or different childcare first.

Do what is right for your family. You can always go back full time later on.

Not all jobs are condusive to pay time working. And being able to drop an hour a day is even less likely to be offered by an employer.

We don't know what job each parent does, and how each career and promotion possibilities would be impacted by going past ting, so it's a bit daft to jump to 'well he needs to go part time instead'

I am always bemused when people tell posters that the DH should reduce his hours even though the pay is twice as much and the have 2 DC in nursery. People don't even know what the DH does for work, nor if he wants to and if it is possible at all .

They are OK financially on 105k combined income. For each day OP drops, their income will go down my 7k. For each day he drops, their income will go down by 14k. So if he drops two days at work, they will effectively be living on one salary. I don't know how financially OK they are. Maybe one salary is enough, in which case, sure. He can drop two days a week.
Feminism is all well and good but sometimes it comes down to simple maths.

If you are struggling then I don't see why you wouldn't.

But I'd make sure your pension is topped up. Is your career something that can be easily increased to full time again in the future?

i would imagine if you became part time, your DP wouldn’t split the domestic chores anymore!

There must be other options than this? Can either of you look for a jobs closer to home or with more flexibility?

If you each dropped to 4 days a week with flexi time, you'd be able to cover it all between you and your career wouldn't suffer as badly.

We don't know what OP does either...

Has he put in a flexible working request to move his core hours earlier so he can get in early and finish early?
Have you looked for a local childminder who would do nursery / school pick ups in the afternoon?
Is he proposing to pay into your pension?
Do you have equal access to household money?
How much damage would it do to your career prospects?
Do you both batch cook etc on the weekend for the week?
Prep a weeks worth of clothes. I used to set up 5 bundles of clothes including underwear and socks for the DC so I could just grab Mondays pile in the morning.

I would look at options that allow you to keep your career on track.

Also it seems that OP 's job is very stressful and difficult. Going part time for a few years might give her a breather.

OP if you do go part time, I'd use that time to research child minders and after school care, so that you can plan a future where you are full time again, in this or another role.