DH wants me to go part time at work …

[Pinkflowerpower]

DH and I both work full time. He earns (£70k) which is double my wage. We have 2 children under 3 who are in nursery full time.

My role means that I often don’t get back for nursery pick ups at 6 and DH has to cover these which is effecting his role as he has to leave work early. His role is the main source of income.

We have been in our situation a year and it is stressful as we are both rushing around.

Whilst my role isn’t hugely well paid I get a decent pension scheme. I do however find it stressful at times and this spills over into our personal life .

A week day is - wake up , get the children to nursery - run to work , rush to collect children , cook dinner , get the children to bed , then do the washing and cleaning etc. It feels like we are on a treadmill and I do worry the children are always being rushed about !

I am aware our set up will get harder when the children go to school and we don’t have access to nursery from 8-6pm.

Last night DH said he would like me to consider going part time or working around school hours even if meant I earnt a lot less as his job is suffering , we are both exhausted and he feels like we never see each other or the children during the week.

Deep down I think DH is right .I wouldn’t be sad to work part time but I am 37 and wonder if this is an awfulIdea ? I am worried that I won’t be able to pay much into a pension at all and that if I do this until the children start secondary I will never get a carer started!

The other part of me would love to be less stressed as my role is extremely emotional and I would love to see the children more and have some days at home.

DH is kind , supportive and we split the house work equally. We have shared finances. We don’t have massive amounts of savings but no debts and have a small Mortgage.

AIBU to go part time at 37?

You could do part time till they go to primary school. Choose a primary school that has breakfast clubs and after school clubs or use a childminder to do pick up which will be cheaper that nursery fees and enable you to work full time.

OP, deoends on how much do you value quality of life and whether this is long term or permanent arrangement. If it works out financially then go for it and enjoy the release from pressure

No I wouldn’t - I’ve said that upthread.

We were in the same situation last year and I decided to go part time for now. Our other options were to use another nursery with better pick up hours or use a child minder. We are financially better off with me going part time than us paying for a childminder. I've found it a lot less stressful as well.

I don't agree that her DH is being loving and supportive.

His only suggestion is the one that will mean he loses nothing, gains everything and doesn't even take into account one of the major issues which is that OP does not enjoy her job and it stresses her out. A loving and supportive spouse would be putting in a flexible working request at his job, suggesting that she looks for another job or that he looks for another job that offers flexibility if his current one will not. His response screams that he thinks the kids are her problem to deal with and he is anticipating that he will have to contribute even less to home life because she will be part time and therefore can pick up more of that.

OP Sit down with him and have a lengthy discussion running through all the options. This includes him making substantial changes that involve sacrifice on his part. If he even baulks at that and refuses to consider it then do not go part time. Instead look for another job.

You will be financially poorer. Your career may suffer. His salary isn’t the only contribution if you are earning £35k.

why not pay for some help with school pick ups. Oh ask for flexibility. At the very least he should make up for pension shortfall (I made that mistake and lost 10 years of contributions and my salary is less than it was when I stopped work 15 years ago).

I work part time. It does affect your career prospects (I'm sure there may be exceptions, but generally top roles and promotions aren't done on part time hours, and more full on/interesting projects are given to full timers and shorter/administration projects get given to part timers.

That said, I live being part time and am in no rush to go back to full time hours. If you have concerns about your pension contributions, can you set up a private pension that your husband pays into while your hours are reduced?

When my DS was younger, I negotiated a 34 hour a week contract, hardly any loss in pay, but this mean't I could finish an hour earlier (I did work longer days so I also had a day off in the week too) but this really helped with pick ups. Part time doesn't have to mean a drastic reduction in hours, maybe a slight reduction would be a compromise without to much sacrifice to your career or income

Is this what you did with your partner?

Is this what you did with your partner?

I'd consider reorganisation of your life tbh. For example. Get a cleaner, organise a weekly food delivery and stick to your planned meals so no top up shopping needed, wash less often - it takes as long to put away 7 pairs of socks as it does 2! Maybe it won't make a difference but it's worth a try. I've always worked around my children who are now grown up but am now suffering from having a small pension.

Your career is not second best and the one to sacrifice. It is your only career, your only means of independent income. This is a very tempting trap of going part-time, especially when much of the reason is dissatisfaction with your current role.

I hear you that you do not like this job, so search for another that will advance your career.

Buy in help via childminders, clubs, camps, cleaners, etc. But don't subsidise his career by giving up yours.

I am sure that your dh is being lovely in suggesting this - he's tired and stressed, you're tired and stressed. It seems like an easy choice.

It's a choice with real consequences for you, though. That he has not even considered facing.

Yet that is what your telling OP to so instead of saying find a better job.

I think a lot of people are overthinking this and making out your husband to be some kind of rogue for suggesting it. I'm sure his intentions are to genuinely make things easier for you both. I worked part time until my daughters started primary school and it was the perfect balance. I could keep the house in order, the washing and admin under control which meant weekends were free for leisure and i loved the extra time i had with the girls, taking them to various activities and doing things with them in the home. Working part time for those few years didn't hinder my career at all. It kept my CV live and I easily found a full time role afterwards. I would do it. It makes sense and you won't regret it.

I went part time at 34. Best thing ever. No issues with school drop off/pick up, much more quality time together, children able to have friends over straight from school, no stress about finding time to cook decent meals. Finished work completely at 53. Still get a decent pension, as does my DH, mortgage is paid off. I never wanted a career, however, I was happy with just a job, so it depends on what you really want.

Whst is the point of carrying in a role you don't even like, while your kids are basically living the most part of their lives in a nursery?

It's not a drama to go part-time for a few years. As if anyone stays in the same role for their entire life anyway. Get your DH to pay your pension and live your life, rather than just existing.

You mean not a high earner, not a high flyer. We don't have a clue as to what she does. She could be working in a lab on a cure for cancer for all we know!

@Panham not sure its really relevant to the thread but yes we both dropped a day and as he is a contractor we budgeted so that he could take a month to provide care over the summer break. I was able to work additional hours over that time and use that leave to cover easter etc.

Hi all,

Previously I was a HOD in a secondary school earning around 48k - this was quite a few years ago so seemed a lot at the time.

After 10 years I left and I vowed I would never return as I had no work life balance and was suffering with my mental health .

I now work in a new carer and I earn 35k but have my sanity l hope if I can push on I can earn 50k by the time I am 48!!! I know that if I want to do that being part time might get in the way but I’m so exhausted right now I don’t think I’m able to work hard enough and do the necessary out of hours work needed to be promoted!!!

Also , I don’t think I’d cope with a bigger work load if I was promoted !!! Plus , my children are my focus right now and they won’t be small forever.

I would love to earn more so we can get the mortgage paid off by the time I am 60
and have some savings ( currently all
of our money is going on child care !)

I would absolutely love to be able to have a little bit of money to help the children with driving lessons , wedding or traveling/ university. Plus I would like add to my pension as I only have 13 years paid in .

There Is more to life than money but I grew up with none so I do worry a lot !

Could you do a flexible working request and just go for a slightly shorter working week e.g. dropping from 40 hours to 35 hours so you get to rave an hour earlier. Or negotiating a 30minute lunch instead of an hour and using the time saved to leave earlier? Aim for just enough time to reduce stress...
When I returned to work after my first child was born I reduced to 3 days a week but spread the hours over 4 days so I could commute to London and still do nursery hours. It worked well.

You certainly have options. And if it came to it you could consider returning to teaching at least gives you the school holidays off. Which is a biggy once your kids are school age. Even early secondary years when holiday care is non existent, but you have no choice but go to work and leave them in charge of the telly for 8hrs.

But depending on the industry you moved into my experience of salaried positions are 'you work the hours required to do the job' which is a killer for trying to do nursery or school pick up.

Consider all options. Your kids are only little once.

Different reasons for me but I’m 39 with a 2 year old. In October I went from a day time manager to an overnight team leader and just do 2, 7 hour shifts.

We do still need my wage and because it’s overnight it’s a good rate.

The main difference is I wanted to be at home with my daughter as I felt I was missing out on too much. My mental health with being away from her was awful.

I think you’ve misunderstood.

OP I understand your worries. I think as a parent that’s all you ever do.

The fact that 42% of marriages end up in divorce, I think this would be a terrible idea. It’s always the woman who is left in financial shit die yo sacrificing their careers.