Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

[Runrabbit123]

Just want to see if the way I’m feeling is fair or not.

Friend has asked 7 of us to be bridesmaids for her in June.

Now for some reason I always thought it was the done thing for the bride to pay for bridemaid dresses, hair, make up and bouquet. Which is what I did for my bridesmaids 6 years. Especially as let’s be honest most bridesmaid dresses you couldn’t wear again.

Friend asked us to be bridemaids last year which I agreed too. We’ve just booked the hen, I could only attend one day of the weekend due to costs (new mum just returned back to work last month from mat leave)

So was a bit shocked to be asked about paying for our dresses and hair to be done. I said I’d do my own make up. I really don’t want to let friend down but I don’t have a spare £150-200 for dress and hair. I’m happy to do my make up and buy a pair of shoes. Just don’t want to look like a bad friend.

AIBU - bridesmaid should pay
YANBU - bride pays

Nine bridesmaids, my goodness.

Yh 9 bridesmaid no F-ing way that's affordable

When I got married 9 years ago I paid for my bridesmaid's dresses and hair as I chose the dress and hairstyle. The girls could then choose their shoes and whether they wanted to pay to get their makeup done or do it their selves

I've been a bridesmaid 6 times and never paid for anything other than my make up (optional) and shoes (chose our own in a neutral colour so could wear again).

I couldn't have afforded all my own dresses, I had 3 in a month once!

Bride should definitely pay.

Yes, the bride should pay! I only had 3 bridesmaids (including my daughter) but paid for their dresses, hair and make up.

I'm bridesmaid for a friend in March, she's bought our dresses and is paying for our hair but we are paying for our own make up.

Well done!
You seemed like you handled it well.

I would nearly think of deleting this post now as you wouldn’t want her or some of the brides family to see it

I would decline being her bridesmaid; she clearly wants the Hollywood style flash wedding without paying for it herself. It would be advisable for her to have less bridesmaids so she can then cover the costs herself. It seems cheeky to ask the bridesmaids to pay for dresses that they'd only wear once.

Nine bridesmaids will just look ridiculous. But of course she needs to pay.

Bridesmaids paying for their own dress is a ghastly Americanism that’s creeping in. I HATE it. It’s cheap, tacky, gauche and smacks of champagne lifestyle on beer money. If you can’t afford a bridesmaid, don’t have one.

Nine bridesmaids ???

That's ridiculous.

A bridesmaid is there to help the bride on the day. How are 9 people going to do that ? (Or 7, in truth).
I don't think I'd want to be one of 9 bridesmaids anyway, but I certainly wouldn't be paying for the pleasure.

2 nights in a hotel, 5am start-I'd be going as a guest or not at all.

I would still be looking to drop out. I can't see beyond asking a bridesmaid to pay for her own bouquet, it's a new level of stinginess that I have never heard of that before. Makes sense though with 9 bridesmaids which is extremely tacky.

Good on you for raising it. Fiancé sounds a bit of an idiot.

Glad you spoke to her OP.

More than anything because the costs would have only escalated if left unchallenged. Next it would have been matching satin pyjamas to get ready in. It never ends with CF brides who think they can get away with spending other people's money.

Best of all, after making people pay hundreds to be on their wedding, they still expect a gift on top.

Might we have our first Groom-zilla here if you think that he's had a word with her about involving a moxy load of cousins in the bridal party?

Cousins can usually be ushers on the day and help see relatives to their seats etc. They would usually get named in the order of service too. They don't however get to stand at the top with the bride & groom.

She's 'avin a larf!!!

I would agree the bride should pay. I asked my bridesmaids to be there for me so I paid for everything. Dresses, 2 lots of alterations, accessories, flowers, hair, makeup. If the bride genuinely can't afford it then she needs to speak to you all individually, explain and see if you can agree a way forward.

Although I paid for ours if I was asked and knew the bride couldn't afford it then I'd offer if I was in a position to.

The bride should definitely pay for the dresses, hair if wanted it done professionally and bouquets for bridesmaids. Some bridesmaids buy their own shoes and do their own make up. 7 bridesmaids is a lot. Most people manage with 1, 2 or 3 for cost reasons. It seems this bride can't afford 7 so should scale back to 2 or 3 and pay for them herself.

My daughter is getting married next year - we will be paying for everything the bridesmaids need
just to add you can get lovely bridesmaid dresses now for under £100

@Runrabbit123 ummm I paid for dresses, flowers etc and gave them option for hair and make u some of them wanted to do it themselves and if they wanted it done they paid for it, I was young though I’d pay for hair and make up now. I also helped pay for their accodation. YANBU.

The bride is a CF

She is having 9 bridesmaids? Is she insane?

I would drop out. Surely she won't mind? can't you just be a day guest

Also, good luck finding a dress for £25 ....its not the 90s anymore

Kate Middleton had 4 BMs

This woman is delusional

I have been a bridesmaid 3 times as an adult

Not once did i ever buy the dress. For one wedding i bought shoes...never worn them since. They had to be a specific colour

There's perhaps also a degree of how specific she's being if she's like wear any long dress in peach so you can pick one suitable in your budget maybe she could ask you to pay.

But defo not if she wants you all in matching specific £100+ one