Differences between Brits and Americans

[Opull]

Dh and I moved to the US for his work post brexit.
I knew there would be differences but I would say that I have come to learn that those differences are far more pronounced than I had anticipated. And in ways I had never imagined or predicted. We moved to Connecticut. Its only as I have come back to the UK has it really got me thinking.

Im curious if you have experience of both cultures. And what less obvious things did you pick up on.

One that stands out for me is that in general discussions and debates are often shut down very quickly. Even over low stake issues. I remember pointing out something very obvious once and the people around me just started playing dumb. In the UK I would have no problem talking about middle aged women and how our sex lives become more comfortable and less exciting. The Americans kept trying to make out that this wasn’t necessarily the case for everyone. I guess it stems from Americans being quite optimistic and Brits being more on the cynical side. I just found it meant conversations and connections could never really go beyond a superficial level. I missed group bonding by sharing the less perfect aspects of our lives.

Has anyone else had similar less obvious observations?

I have 2 American DIL's who both live here, my BIL (although brought up in London) is now an Amercan citizen, we have been to the US a lot! It is a vast, vast country with a vast population, whose habits and behaviours vary depending where they live.
A bit like the UK, people who live in London have a different lifestyle and because of life experience different attitudes to those who have lived their whole lives in rural Devon.
In the US it's far more pronounced because of its size.
They do seem less interested in world affairs than Europeans but again I think this is due to the size of the US.
I take as I find, and like anywhere they are a mixed bunch, and we often discuss cultural differences as we do with my Polish DIL we embrace any difference!!

I've only been once and I found them to be very polite overall and a lot less brash than the stereotype.

I've met more in my line of work in the UK and mostly found them to be very pushy , but that is probably due to my line of work and their expectations.

Americans are so varied that it is a bit like asking what Europeans are like. If you take random examples from across the States such as Utah, Massachusetts and Mississippi they are a like different countries.

On the whole I think Americans take more responsibility for themselves and their communities, religion is a much bigger deal and gardening is all about a neat lawn.

I stayed with my American friend and her husband. They were fascinated about the UK and we had loads of fun with the differences in our languages. They taught me to shoot guns (Montana). Apparently baked beans aren’t a breakfast food and they don’t do malt vinegar as standard on a table. They are very literal with their use of English compared to us, I had many variants of the same word in comparison. However I do have very deep and meaningful conversations with her and we’ve been friends since 2003 when we first met online in a early forum.

Er, no. I'm referring to friends on my course who I was with for 5 years.

Differences I've noticed:

When they say Asian they think East Asian/Chinese/Vietnamese but we think Pakistani/Indian.

There is very little fresh food in their supermarkets. They think making a cake is using a packet!

But given size they will drive 2 hours to a restaurant for dinner.

Getting taxis home isn't in their mindset unless they are in a very urban area. They drink much much less alcohol. And are quite puritanical about it. There is definitely a hangover from the puritan founders. Much more 'slut shaming', no sex before marriage etc. marriage seems more default than cohabitation I think due to health insurance?

Birth is much more patriarchal and women seem much more expected to submit to men for regular vaginal exams all their life. No wonder they don't like sex!

They seem much more comfortable with same sex nudity eg big gaps in public loo cubicle doors, communal naked showers at school & in gyms, shared bedrooms at uni.

• All of this would horrify me!

They seem to think parents should have much more control over kids eg lack of children's rights, eg health care decisions, stricter on no drinking until age 21. But then often vaccinations are compulsory to start school so it feels like much more government control which they say they are against.

There seem to be more SAHM there. Relationships seems to be more sex stereotyped.

They value veterans more.

You don't get the women/mums who don't drive the way you do in the uk.

Unlike 20/30/40 years ago I think if you have a decent professional job & are in good health it's a much better life in USA compared to the UK.

I’m friends with a big group of American women – 25 or so of them. We have a snap chat group, a facebook group and also meet up in person whenever the opportunity arises. There is one Canadian in there and one woman from Germany. I’m the only Brit. They come from all over the world– west coast to east coast and in between.

In general, in comparison to my British friends, I find them to talk a lot. By which I mean, the aren’t afraid of self conscious to have long, sweeping monologues about themselves – this isn’t a criticism, and it doesn’t come across as self involved. I think the confidence and unabashed way of speaking about themselves and their lives is just on a different level. I also find them to have a real talent for passionately pep talking other women. They will rally loudly and fervently around each other, which is quite lovely. They also seem to have much more self reflection and more drive to make meaningful self improvements. This probably all boils down to having more outspoken confidence.

Well, puritanism was why the Pilgrim Fathers emigrated there. Apparently our churches/religions were too easy-going.
And look what they've ended up with. Women subjugated, abortions pretty much banned and no agency if you are anything other than a white male born in the USA. Then they've voted in Trump...
It's a country that is regressing
Yuk, yuk and thrice yuk.

That's an interesting question @Notsosure1 and I'm not sure I have a simple answer. I think overall it's a less cohesive country than it appears from outside and has been for a long time. While I think Trump and the age of Trumpism has exposed a lot of division, these very polarised differences between states didn't suddenly spring up from nothing and, like everywhere else, we tend to exist in our own worlds to some extent.

My great grandparents were all immigrants (fleeing Russia) and were tradesmen. As for many immigrants, America really was a land of opportunity, and all the children in my grandparents' generation were university educated. My parents are a doctor and a science professor, I grew up in NYC and my siblings and I are all educated past degree level and we all stayed in the Northeast for our educations. Which is a long-winded way of saying that I've lived the vast majority of my life in a certain bubble where the prevailing belief was that while it was a country of vast opportunity, blind patriotism wasn't really part of the prevailing atmosphere. Some years in school we didn't say the pledge and some years we did, but it wasn't something that was taken particularly seriously (there was a lot of mucking around) and lots of kids just didn't participate. It was actually quite similar in tone to morning prayers in assembly in my kids' London primary- some said them, some didn't (their school in NY did not do the pledge).

I think due to my background, I've probably been more at home living in London than I would in a lot of states in the US, so I'm not sure how much patriotism really unites us.

Nebraska is in the Mid west

I'm saying this with goodwill, but if you're as confusing in real life as you were in this post, I can kinda understand why people had a weird reaction?

I wasn't passive aggressive then or now.

I have travelled and lived in America 30 years ago, and what shocked me was how "unfree" it really is as a country. We were travelling around, and we slept in our car one night, only to be awoken by armed police surrounding our car, pointing guns at us. Some busybody had reported us, and apparently, it's illegal to sleep in your car.

I saw police officers literally sweeping homeless people off the streets. It was quite upsetting.

I also did Camp America and in the first week, one of the American counsellors, who was in his twenties, stormed off and left his post because some of the English counsellors were drinking alcohol and they were only 19. It was so shocking that somebody so young could be uptight about other young people having a couple of beers - it was literally 2 beers each.

My friend lives there now and she told me that she got shouted at somewhere because her 3 year old daughter was "topless" at a swimming pool.

I also got shouted at by people in cars on lots of occasions if I wasn't wearing a cycle helmet. I know it's unsafe , but nobody in the UK has ever shouted at me for that.
It just all felt quite controlling and oppressive.. And yet, I would see severely mentally ill people walking around with large weapons/ knives on display.

It's like they have told themselves this lie, on repeat, that they are the land of the free when they are actually really uptight and puritanical (unless it comes to weapons- which actually makes other people feel unfree to walk he streets)

Um, that was my point? That I'd never heard anyone pronounce the Ls until I moved to the UK. It was in reply to someone mentioning the American pronunciation of twat.

So much for that much vaunted British dry sense of humour that we stupid Americans just don't get...

Oh yes, and the bloody flagpole on Camp. We had to all gather round and sing the anthem. Every. Single. Morning. It was sooo weird to us Europeans.

One big difference I noticed was hosting or hospitality in the home.
when we go to a friends for dinner we would take a bottle of wine. When our American friends come they bring nibbles and snack, soft drinks, alcoholic drinks, a side salad and a pudding! Basically almost everything for the bbq!!! I couldn’t believe the generosity.
I feel bad for all the times I just took 1-2 item to their house for a meal. She said it’s normal for them to be generous.
They don’t have much moneh and are always dropping around gifts for the kids at birthday, Christmas, halloweeen! Everything!!
often freshly baked cookies arrive too! I feel terribly guilty and try to reciprocate as much as possible.

definitely huge difference in expectations and giving

Totally agree with this about the monologues and pep talks!!

Oops, sorry! That teaches me to reply to a post whilst half asleep🤦‍♀️. As you were 😬.

I'm American but have lived in the UK for decades, dh is British.

To generalise: Americans' attitude tends to be sure, yes, that'll be great, we can do that, why not.
Brits: oh no, I couldn't possibly, that won't work, no, never, just no.

Americans are happier to talk about money and there is much less stigma showing off your wealth. I think the feeling is that in America anyone could possibly be rich one day so if you have it, enjoy it and flaunt it. An American sees an expensive car and thinks wow, look at that, that's great and I'm going to have one of those one day. Brit just thinks "twat".

Brits think it's distasteful to show wealth, cringe. Although people obviously do have fancy cars, etc so it's complex.

Religion is so much more part of life in America as well.

And think we are like them but we are actually more like the Europeans. I wish we were more like the Europeans.

British people are Europeans, Brexit notwithstanding.

I knew what you meant. Unfortunately since Trump was voted in, I will always be wondering whether I’m speaking with a Trump voter. The little differences have become less relevant.

Yes to this ......I lived in Dunwoody (opposite Perimeter Mall #happy days) for 6 months about 10 years ago. Always went out for a quiet leisurely breakfast on a Sunday morning 'before the churches kicked out.

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I’ll just leave it there. I’m not watching the thread.

I'm Scottish and hate the C word more than I hate the F word.
Everyone I know also hates the C word and never use it( some are quite liberal with the F word though).
Maybe it depends where in Scotland you live.