Differences between Brits and Americans

[Opull]

Dh and I moved to the US for his work post brexit.
I knew there would be differences but I would say that I have come to learn that those differences are far more pronounced than I had anticipated. And in ways I had never imagined or predicted. We moved to Connecticut. Its only as I have come back to the UK has it really got me thinking.

Im curious if you have experience of both cultures. And what less obvious things did you pick up on.

One that stands out for me is that in general discussions and debates are often shut down very quickly. Even over low stake issues. I remember pointing out something very obvious once and the people around me just started playing dumb. In the UK I would have no problem talking about middle aged women and how our sex lives become more comfortable and less exciting. The Americans kept trying to make out that this wasn’t necessarily the case for everyone. I guess it stems from Americans being quite optimistic and Brits being more on the cynical side. I just found it meant conversations and connections could never really go beyond a superficial level. I missed group bonding by sharing the less perfect aspects of our lives.

Has anyone else had similar less obvious observations?

An evening wedding, really!

I think most of the weddings I’ve been to have started in the morning, at the latest early afternoon.

(I’m UK, in case it wasn’t obvious!)

Haha yes, I have a very transatlantic family and it's one of the things that really surprises folk on both sides.

It's I think why the concept of the "evening do" makes little sense to Americans because the whole thing is in the evening often, or late afternoon at least

Though I think there are some areas of the US that might also do the afternoon back yard thing

An evening wedding, really!

Yes, that's probably the norm now. So ceremony at 5:00 with cocktails and appetizers immediately following, then food and dancing.

If you want to keep it low-key you might have the ceremony in the late morning followed by brunch.

I eloped and avoided both of the above😅

Funny how you just take things for granted!

In the UK, it normally goes:

Ceremony – morning to early afternoon
Photos – people mill about, maybe have a glass of something, while pics are taken round the grounds
Wedding breakfast (if having one – otherwise a buffet)
Evening reception with drinking and dancing (and possibly a buffet) – more guests might turn up for this bit

Though I think there are some areas of the US that might also do the afternoon back yard thing

That's definitely still a thing. The cost of a full-out wedding reception now is insane. Anyone trying to keep costs down gets my full respect😀😙
People talk about spending 50-60K like it's completely natural! Crazy (IMO)

*ignore my random emojis...fat fingers and I can't seem to delete the little bastards

There is also an annoying thing in the U.S. of wanting an evening wedding but also wanting to get married in a church that only does early afternoon weddings. That means the church is at 2 and the reception at 5 or 6 leaving people with a few hours to kill between the two. Very annoying especially if it isn’t far enough away to justify a hotel for the night but is too far to drive home and go back for the evening. People often just skip the actual wedding as a result which has always seemed weird to me although I was forced to do it once because finding a babysitter for 12 hours was impossible!

DH and I have lived in the US and then a European city where a lot of our friends were American.
One of my best friends is American, we talk on the phone a lot and she totally gets the British sense of humour.

We differed on just a few things. One was road safety - She was a lot more cautious than me - I let DS ride his balance bike by the side of the road when he was 3, I would be with him but she was horrified in case he rode into traffic.

The kids often don't know how to cross a road in a city. It comes of all the traffic stopping for them when they get off a school bus and their jaywalking laws I think.

Letting cats outside.
We let our two cats go out in the States and our neighbours and the vets thought we were cruel.
Whereas here the Cats protection people make you promise they will be let out if you adopt cats from them!

Another annoying trend is what I call "the wedding in the middle of nowhere".

The couple decides it would just be so fab to get married in a barn in rural Vermont surrounded by dairy cows and sunflowers (just think of the photos you can post on social media!).

Unfortunately the guests are stuck driving down a dirt road for two hours, parking in a field of cow shit and hoping they don't have scars from all the black fly bites!

Weirdly, we had the long gap wedding happen here in the UK, also a bit too far from home to leave in between. Wedding and then there was a 'mingling and cocktail hour' while they took photos, did some family stuff and the venue got set up for the evening. We stood around, holding glasses of wine for 3 hours! By the time we sat down to dinner we were almost incapable of making small talk with fellow guest, having used it all up.

Well, it’s not really a separate party as it’s the same location as the earlier drinks and dinner, but a different stage of the day if that makes sense.

It’s way more dangerous to have outdoor cats in America though. Predation and highway accidents are so common, my childhood pets barely lived past the five year mark (usually coyotes or killed by cars)

On the wedding timing thing, historically Anglican churches in the UK were not allowed to conduct weddings between dusk and dawn.

I have no idea if this is still true, and even if it is the plethora of other options for wedding venues these days make it much less relevant. But it may explain why there is no great tradition of evening weddings in England.

Weddings in the Southern US almost always take place in the evening. This tradition began because before air conditioning it was too hot in the summer to have a wedding in the day time.

As previous posters have said, there is just the one reception for US weddings whatever the time of day for the wedding; there are no two-tier invitation lists. But it's a tradition in the US to have a rehearsal dinner (after the rehearsal for the wedding) the night before, traditionally hosted by the groom's family for the wedding party and out-of-town guests, and the guest list for these can often be almost as large as for the wedding itself.

I have only been to a couple of weddings where there was a long break between the wedding and the reception (and it can be a pain to figure out what to do if you are from out of town). These were both Catholic weddings. I think many Catholic churches have regular services on Saturday evenings so weddings take place in the day time. Those couples wanted an evening reception, but most daytime weddings I have attended had the reception immediately following the wedding, with every thing over by 5 or 6 p.m.

Traditionally in England weddings had to be in daylight so not usually beginning much after 3pm because of weak winter sun.
This was for reasons of identity.
So that someone could not be tricked as to who they were marrying also anyone who might recognise them as already married could object.

Well I never knew about the daylight weddings and the reasons, thanks, all!

I’d ditto that. In any case, people’s sex lives would not usually be a suitable topic of conversation, unless you know the people very well.