To not want to pay this much for a hen do

[Brooomhilda]

A family member is having a hen do. It's at a friends house and is cocktail themed. They have asked for a £50 contribution per head. I'm pregnant and won't be able to drink. I'd love to go and celebrate but £50 is steep considering all I'll be able to have is the nibbles. But I feel a bit cheeky/stingey asking for a discount. What would you do?

It is way to much: for a house party. Ask to pay half

I presume she’s a good friend if it’s a hen party, so just ask. Sounds reasonable to me.

Suggest to pay half since you’ll not be partaking in the cocktails and offer to bring your own non-alcoholic drink option(s).

Sorry folks, I can’t really justify the £50 a I am unable to join in due to my pregnancy -looking forward to seeing you at the wedding! Have a great night all

I think it's ok to ask for a little discount but half is too much - your not drinking won't make that much of a dent in the overall cost of alcohol and I imagine they're buying food and some nice decorations as well. Maybe 35-40?

I'd go back and say "Thanks so much for organising, I'm pregnant at the moment so wont be drinking, shall we say I contribute towards the food £20 and just bring my own non-alcoholic options and then that's one less thing for you to have to worry about"

Although quite frankly someone is making out like a bank robber if they are charging £50 a head for cocktails at home

£50 for drinks in someone's house is outrageous, however I can't imagine any hen do that would cost much less these days. I'd probably just pay up and be grateful it's not some several hundred quid abroad affair.

Yes you won't be drinking but the money covers more than booze I assume.

I would just pay it. There will be none alcoholic drinks too, you can have mocktails and then there’s the food/snacks.

£50 for a hen is a bargain.

My guess is they have just totted everything up and divided it equally so if you ask for a discount everyone else will pay more. You probably won't be the only one not drinking, or at least, the only one not drinking a lot. I imagine the budget doesn't relate only to alcohol but also to food, decorations, games, any entertainment etc.

It does sound steep for a house party but then again it's cheap for a hen do!

I'm starting to wonder if people are trying to make a profit from their friends. I will start to charge people 50£ each everytime they are invited for dinner. And this is just drink and nibbles? It better be champagne and caviar!!!

Blimey what’s going to be in these cocktails, Bollinger and gold leaf?!

But nuts for what is essentially some friends getting together at someone’s house.

Pay the money
eat as much as you can
take a Tupperware box with you and cram £40 worth of food to take home!

How many people are going? If it's just a few I can see how it's that much to pay for the bar, but they would be better off having it as a pay bar and they pay any difference.

£50 to go round to someone's house to have non alcoholic drinks and a few nibbles is whatever the opposite of a bargain to me

Just because it's cheaper than a weekend in Benidorm doesn't make it a bargain

I dont think it’s OPs issue if it puts the cost up for others.
surely they should expect to pay their fair share and not have a pregnant non drinker subsidise them?

OP, I’d message and ask does the £50 include non alcoholic cocktails and if so what are? (bet they think you’ll make do with some schloer for £50) Or should you just transfer £20 for your food / nibbles and you’ll bring your own drink?

YANBU

Show them the meaning of eating for two!

@MimiSunshine there'll always be some element of subsiding though won't there? Some people will drink a lot, some not at all. Some will eat a lot etc. I don't think it works to just come up with some arbitrary amount that you'll pay. She'd need an itemised bill to take into account of all the elements she's paying for and that sounds like too much of a faff for me!

Yes, that's why I feel stingy asking for a discount because it might also include gifts or entertainment, like you say, which I will be equally part of.

Just ask. I doubt the £50 is just food and drinks .. probably games on there, maybe something for the bride, things like sashes, or crowns or other stuff people have at Hen’s etc etc

I've just had a look and there are 31 people on the group chat. So 31 x £50 = £1,550. I suppose that's probably not that much if they're getting a bar and some entertainment?

Be careful OP!

My friend is going on a hen so and was asked to pay £60 towards cocktails and food. Turns out there wasn't even a bottle of lemonade on the drinks list! And the food was a lot of fancy cheeses, which she also couldn't eat.

I'd message back and say you won't be able to contribute towards alcohol so you will bring some nice non-alcoholic drinks (but watch out as others may drink them!) and ask if £20 towards food is ok - but even £20 for presumably nibbles is a lot!

I'd say £50 for a hen do is a bargain tbh

That’s a large hen party! At least she’s not expecting people to fork out £££ To go abroad.