To not want to pay this much for a hen do

[Brooomhilda]

A family member is having a hen do. It's at a friends house and is cocktail themed. They have asked for a £50 contribution per head. I'm pregnant and won't be able to drink. I'd love to go and celebrate but £50 is steep considering all I'll be able to have is the nibbles. But I feel a bit cheeky/stingey asking for a discount. What would you do?

50 is not a few quid to us all, particularly when OP cannot partake in any of it.
If I were the bride I would be more than happy for her to just come along and enjoy the company, or sit it out, as she felt most comfortable, but I certainly wouldn't expect her to throw 50 away when she is likely spending money on being at the wedding too.

Op was talking about a reduction in costs, not suggesting she pay nothing. I personally don’t think that 10-15 quid is equal to the value of a friendship or multiple ones. Objecting as suggested (I’m not drinking so I should pay less) looks objectionable. The idea is you are all contributing to the hen having a fab time, not splitting a bill. Saying ‘I’m not consuming x or y’ so reduce my contribution, when we’re talking about a tenner, is petty unless you really are struggling financially. Op seems to be objecting to paying the same as drinkers - that is very different from not being able to afford it full stop.

🤣🤣🤣

How tines change my hen do was drinks at a pub followed by the wedding at the local church married by a former teacher turned from DH primary school. Reception at the local theatre function room so everyone could walk from one to the other meant guests could mi gle Yes evryone has different ideas considering my giests and their budgets friends from abroad where given my home to save on accomodation costs. Simple, intimate with guests needs considered - and fun!

A. Can you afford it? If yes, go to B. If no, go to D
B. Do you want to go? If yes, go to C. If no, go to D.
C. Go
D. Don't go.

We still dont know what the 50e covers @@Brooomhilda have you reached out and asked what it covers ?

If it's a one off, I'd just take the hit and pay.

£50 for drinks in someone's house!? Er... Nope!

But it’s the type of cost that isn’t worth falling out over. Come on OP, £50 is fine, that barely gets you a big standard meal out for two these days.

Agreed.

It's not £50 for a handful of crisps and water.

It will be for entertainment, there will most likely be non-alcoholic cocktails, decorations, they might have hired some butler in the buff type waiters!

£50 is a bargain for a hen! And I've spent that on two bottles of wine and a bunch of flowers to take to a dinner party for the evening.

@BBQPete what? Of course she's going to join in on the entertainment, fun, the decorations, the food, the non-alcoholic drinks.

She's PREGNANT, not 5 years old tagging along to stand next to her Mum.

The only thing she can't do is drink a mountain of booze. And these days non-alcoholic cocktails aren't far off the price of alcoholic ones. Have you seen how much a bottle of seed lip costs?

Insist that they supply a few delicious mocktail choices for the ones, like you, who prefer to drink no alcohol.

People thinking it's a bargain 🤣 are them doors banging again 😂
I'd sit it out. You'll end up the babysitter

I've decided to just pay and enjoy myself. Weddings/hen dos are stressful enough to organise without people asking for special allowances. And I do want to celebrate, it's a shame there's a price tag to celebrating but that's ultimately the bridal party's decision, not mine. It's a one off cost and somehow I've managed to save a bit extra in January so I'm trying to think of it as a "treat". This thread has at least validated my thinking that this is unusually expensive for a party at someone's house - I thought I was just being tight, so thanks for your contributions and validation.

You’ve made exactly the right decision. If you’d all gone out for a meal it would have cost about that. Time and fun with friends is very precious and worth more than money x

You are being perfectly reasonable.
They don't have to tell everyone you're paying less/nothing.
I don't move in these sort of circles so I don't really understand the whole inviting someone to do something and then expecting them to pay for it.
Why not just ho to a cocktail bar and all pay for what you like?

Are you the host? I wouldn't go.

Is the £50 contribution for drinks only? If it's for decorations, food etc then ask if you can pay towards that & explain you'll bring your own drinks so will only pay xx amount. Don't let them tell you how much you need to be paying. If they're true friends they'll understand & not pressure you or make you feel bad for not coughing up the total £50.