To not want to pay this much for a hen do

[Brooomhilda]

A family member is having a hen do. It's at a friends house and is cocktail themed. They have asked for a £50 contribution per head. I'm pregnant and won't be able to drink. I'd love to go and celebrate but £50 is steep considering all I'll be able to have is the nibbles. But I feel a bit cheeky/stingey asking for a discount. What would you do?

Yes but the difference is that those people who drink less cocktails are still drinking the cocktails.

if the OP turns up and there isn’t even one drink she can have other than maybe a glass of lemonade then I do think that’s a pistake.
its not even clear if the organisers have hired a mobile bar and waiter or are just planning on buying loads of booze and following some recipes.

Cheeky when its at somebody's house. A nice little earner for them. Don't go if you think it's too dear.

Ask if you can just contribute to food instead and you could bring your own soft drinks?

I think I'd be jokey about it (but prepared to pay full whack anyway) with something like "Looking forward to the hens on x date. Hey is there any discount for preggers and TTs at all lol"

I think I’d want a breakdown of what that’s covering as it’s steep for a house party. If it includes a contribution for a gift, entertainment and then food. Maybe around £30 would be ok. But if the majority is covering expensive cocktails that you can’t drink..

Cringey

Its not just the drinks you can't have, but lots of the soft cheese, canapes, deli meats which will be sitting out all day!

Even if each person drank an entire bottle of vodka, that is still alot per head for a house party! Yes, cheaper than a hens abroad, but its not- its at home!

This would be my answer.

£50 to drink alcohol at someone's house is not a bargain though.

Or I’d just not go and arrange afternoon tea or something you could enjoy with the hen. A cocktail party as a hen do wouldn’t be that much fun if you’re pregnant.

Have they got some surprises, decorations, bespoke cupcakes, catered food like a comoany that does grazing boards, games, or eve one of those people that come to your house and do it all for you etc that the funds are contributing to? Maybe ask and say you arent drinking but happy to contribute to the other costs. Although, when I have been on hen dos costs also cover the brides drinks.

Agreed. How many people are going? It's extortionate

Thinking of it as £50 for cocktails you can't drink is oversimplifying it. Do you like this girl enough to contribute £50 to throwing her a good hen? I assume so. Now, is it worth the hassle/potential fall out to haggle over £15/20?

Now you've posted the full amount of people and price, it actually seems more reasonable to me- £1500 quid for 31 people would probably get you some nice catering and maybe even a cocktail bar, some entertainment, gifts etc. It would certainly get you more for less than doing the equivalent at an external venue.

I might ask what it included but ultimately I'd probably just pay up.

This, basically.

I'd definitely moan to myself about that amount to (not be able to) have a few drinks at my friends house. So I dont think YABU. But I'd probably just pay it tbh.

I think we need to know - is it full catering company (and it may be with that many people)? With a cocktail bar, staff etc. Or are they buying it all from the supermarket and doing it themselves?

If it is the first then £50 is ok. You make a call on whether you’d enjoy the night and yes you won’t get as good value for money as others but you still need to cover the costs catering, staff and a gift. Or you opt out.

just decline the invitation

no need to pay to watch others get drunk on cocktails

Nah!

OP, unless you really, REALLY want to go then I would give it a swerve.

Although I'm probably biased as it sounds like my idea of hell.☹️ 😂

I feel like if you're having a party in your house, it's just wrong to ask people to pay. Our neighbours did this once. Asked us round for their anniversary party, and then asked us for £10 per head for the catering. We didn't go, out of principal.

I would never, ever, ever charge anyone anything when invited to my house. We don't have much money at all, but when we entertain, we save money for food and drink, and pay for it all. It's not extravagant by any means, but it's nice, and we have a good time.

If you can't afford to host, you shouldn't host.

OR another way round it if it's cocktail themed is perhaps to have a lucky dip of cocktails, everyone picks one, and then brings the ingredients for that cocktail. That sits better with me than being asked to pay.

I wouldn't go, it's no fun watching other people get pissed.

But then I hated my hen do, afternoon tea at a really really quiet restaurant (we were the only people there), then on to a comedy club (I wouldn't have minded it but it was just so flat after the afternoon tea).

I actually wanted a day at the races, where I could enjoy myself.

I’m guessing the hen is your friend. Just go and support her. I’m sure there’s more to it than just booze as others have said. Have you ever organised an event like this? It’s such a nightmare when people get really rigid about everything. Imagine the poor organiser if 30 people start texting her to negotiate £10 off here and there because they don’t want to eat the snacks or won’t wear a penis shaped head band etc etc

Really weird to ask for people to pay to come to your house for a party.

I think £50 even when drinking is crazy. And you say there are 30 people coming. WTAF.

I think it's a bit gauche to throw a party you can't afford and then ask your guests to pay.

I think this is the sort of thing where the host should have said BYOB and a dish. Then everyone has something they like and can spend as much or little as they like.

I assume that they have estimated costs ie £50 and then will spend to what they get-extra drinks or present for hen if they have a surplus. I doubt they are trying to make a profit.