To not want to pay this much for a hen do

[Brooomhilda]

A family member is having a hen do. It's at a friends house and is cocktail themed. They have asked for a £50 contribution per head. I'm pregnant and won't be able to drink. I'd love to go and celebrate but £50 is steep considering all I'll be able to have is the nibbles. But I feel a bit cheeky/stingey asking for a discount. What would you do?

Presumably you don’t charge people you offer to host in your home though.

I'd just pay up.

Presumably your dinner party includes a special more than one course meal rather than nibbles though

I went on a very low key hen do in my local city last summer. Taxis were £30, meal was £42, £30 in the kitty, £10 towards brides sash, veil, and a present for her. It was about as sensible as you can get so
£50 sounds alright.

Wow whenever I've been to a hen party at someone's house we don't get charged. We all bring a bottle/s and nibbles. Games are easy to lookup on internet and don't cost a fortune. Obviously we offer the host money for anything she's paid for but usually because we are all good friends we all just pitch in. I would definitely let the host know about your situation.

Or they could have gone and got it all from Aldi and be serving it themselves. Wow.

@DreamW3aver perhaps it depends what people mean by nibbles. If I invited people over for nibbles I would mean more like a buffet that could equate to a substantial meal - it would not just be bowls of crisps!

Are they paying a cocktail maker? Is it a lesson? Or just getting drinks in ?

£200 seems a lot to pay for 6 people to eat, when you aren't factoring in staff costs, rent, rates, utilities, etc.
but, even if you do, I'm presuming that is a fancy meal with several courses, not just drinks ?

Are you sure it's not a cocktail class/bartender hire? They are £35+ per person so £50 seems reasonable with food and decorations. They will charge per person whether you drink or not as they do mocktails.

I think if you like your friend enough then you should just pay, think of it as your contribution to her having a good hen do rather than what it covers for you. You'll definitely get talked about if you try and negotiate a discount!

I agree you shouldn't pay for drinks but the outrage on here for 50 quid a head for food and drinks is a bit mad. I mean it's a hen do so i assume the food with be plentiful and probably fancy. If theyve had to get loads of bottles of spirits (even if some are only used for one cocktail) then it adds up. Count yourself lucky it's not a week in an Ibizan villa like most of the threads on here 😂

In your place if money is tight I would politely decline and tell them you will try to drop in much later for an hour if you can, and will bring a mineral for yourself.

Don't ask for a discount, it will put a target on your head with this type.
Simply decline as above.

If you don't pay the full amount, they won't let you watch the stripper !!

Woah that's a lot for a house party! I'm assuming it includes catering, a stripper and games and paraphernalia costs?

If they're hiring a bar and activities or whatever then the 50 is not purely consumables, it is the whole event, decorations etc. I'd just pay it personally, it doesn't seem a ludicrous amount.

I would politely ask what the £50 covers

I do think it's unfair for a pregnant woman to pay for someone else's cocktails

Then again, £50 is a cheap hen do

Nobody can swallow £50 worth of mocktails...you will make yourself sick with all the fruit juice

If I choose to throw a party and invite my friends, then I pay to decorate my own home. Do you chip in for the cost of balloons at friends’ birthday parties?

It's a hen do. The person having the party isn't arranging anything at all.

Have you ever been to a hen do? Surely you're aware of how they work.

Sounds a lot but it’s probably about what you’d pay for a meal and drink in a restaurant and will be a whole evening entertainment. Just go and enjoy it. Once you’ve had the baby it won’t be so easy to go out and have a good time with them

I would just pay it if I could afford to, and suck up that I might not be getting 100% value for money.

Arranging a hen do for 30 people would be a lot of work, and trying to tailor the contribution to consumption is hard (inevitably people who just like a couple of glasses will get a raw deal vs boozehounds, then there are shades in between).

Maybe they were hoping they by saving costs having it at home, they could go for nice extras whilst keeping it more affordable than going out.

I do hope that there are some lovely activities, decorations and posh food, and that the budget isn’t all booze related. But if you end up feeling like you’re 20 quid down, I’d be minded to try and think of it as a contribution towards your friend having a memorable/lavish party.

PS ignore all the above if the organiser has form for being a CF and you suspect she is turning a profit: in which case, make a deduction!

Op I get it, but just swallow the annoyance and pay. It’s not worth the potential upset for a few quid. This is not a hill to die on.

Is it normal to expect your guests to pay for that kind of event?? Going on a trip or to a meal out or something, or buying drinks at a bar would be different, but if if it is in someone's house and you don't have a choice of what food or drink to buy (as you would in a restaurant) then I think demanding a fee is pretty outrageous and grasping personally.
Editing to add- I wouldn't ask for a discount, that would just cause ill feeking all around. I just wouldn't go.

You are in a very priviliged position if you think £50 (for something you aren't going to be able to consume) is "just a few quid"

What is the £50 for?! That's a lot of alcohol and nibbly snacks! Usually £5-10 would cover that if it's at someone's house.