To not want to pay this much for a hen do

[Brooomhilda]

A family member is having a hen do. It's at a friends house and is cocktail themed. They have asked for a £50 contribution per head. I'm pregnant and won't be able to drink. I'd love to go and celebrate but £50 is steep considering all I'll be able to have is the nibbles. But I feel a bit cheeky/stingey asking for a discount. What would you do?

I would decline and if the family member had been in receipt of any hospitality from me I would send them an invoice for it.

I would start by trying to find out how they are organizing the food and drink. If they are hiring a bartender who will be able to keep you in wonderful mocktails all evening, I would just pay the fee.

That is a lot, we hired a mobile bar for 1/3 of that for around the same number, with a guy making cocktails and providing all kinds of other alcoholic drinks. Included glass hire and mixers as well.

I would just pay it, if you ask for half price - £25 for example, it is still costing you £25 so is it worth the £25 embarrassment of asking for a discount?

I think it’s time to say you won’t be drinking as you are pregnant and to ask how much you should contribute towards food and decorations?

£50 for a cocktail party at a house is ridiculous

Honestly I would be so grateful for a hen party that only cost £50 I would pay it like a shot. I've never got off that lightly.

It is shocking bad manners to host and ask for any sort of contribution - be it alcohol, money or food. If you can't afford it, don't host. There is always an option of going to a place where everybody would pay for themselves. (Obviously, those who are invited should bring alcohol or food or gifts, but to be asked (!!!!) - so awful - like a hotel calling paying clients 'guests' whom the hotel 'hosts'.

Oh don't be ridiculous. First of all, it's the family member's friend (presumably bridesmaid) who is organising. Are they supposed to absorb the whole cost? Where does it end? Will OP give a wedding gift that costs exactly the same as what she eats and drinks at the wedding, to make sure she gets her money's worth?

I normally agree with this. However it’s a hen do - so they are hosting 31 people (many who they probably don’t know) in their house as a favour to the hen. Otherwise everyone would be abroad or in a hotel..

I love my friends but I wouldn’t fork out £1500 of my own money to host that many people in my house for food and a cocktail party. It’s not the same as a birthday party or Christmas party.

You either pay the £50 and go or not pay and not go.

There will be others who aren’t drinking, or aren’t eating, or can only pop in for a short amount of time.

It’s a pain in the arse organising a large do for a wide range of people. You can’t do different contributions for different people’s circumstances.

I would just pay. That money will likely be covering other things than booze and food

I would just pay it, ( if you can afford it) it doesn’t seem like a huge ammount compared to other hen parties that cost hundreds

It is the cheapest hen party I have seen recently. I would suck it up and be grateful you are not being asked to spend hundreds on a weekend away

I wouldn't go, because being the only sober one in a big crowd of raucous drinkers is my idea of a nightmare. Also, does the bride have a very big house? Because 30 people crammed into one living room ( for games, etc) will be a tight squeeze.

Can you ask if there will be non alcoholic cocktails too?

Goodness me.

Perhaps I'm a bit "old school", but if I'm hosting a party then I'm footing the bill.

I agree usually charging people to come to your house for a party is wrong BUT I don’t think one girl should be massively out of pocket for hosting 30 people in her home!!! That’s a few hundred quid for food and drink even if you’re getting everything from Sainsbury’s. Agree for that price there is likely more involved - if I were hosting that many I would be looking to outsource catering or bar & tbh probably a cleaner for the morning after!!

You might be getting taken for a ride but £50 is cheaper than a meal out and transport home even if you’re not drinking - I would pay it and be glad it’s not a big fancy do in a different city with hotel and travel costs.

I'd imagine nowadays if the hen party is at home and this could be age range dependent but I'd have said if bride 2 be is under 35ish a lot of this will go to decorations maybe those light up letters they are pricey to hire but very instagrammable.

Helium balloons/gifts and games? Maybe a marquee/table and chair hire? A DJ? Lots of hens do party or favour bags now. Sweet table. There's lots more than just cocktails and nibbles it could be spent on. Could be getting a catering van in or doing whole buffet from M&S.

It's poor form though for the people organising it not to give at least a rough break down as people like to know where their money is going especially if it's an at home do.

You say 'be glad' as though OP's in some way obliged to attend the hen do... she isn't.

Are they hiring someone to do the cocktails? Perhaps clarify.

If theybare, I'd suck it up. If they are doing a tesco run they'd be better off asking for £20 and bringing what they want to drink.

I think £50 is very good value for a hen do.

I'd pay.

I'm so curious to know where the money is going and if they're making a profit even if it's just keeping all the partly emptied bottles of alcohol.

In your shoes I wouldn't go but I also wouldn't ask for a discount

Although quite frankly someone is making out like a bank robber if they are charging £50 a head for cocktails at home

Too right!!!

I would guess they're paying for entertainment, caterers, a bar, gifts ... £50 a head isn't someone buying a few bottles and snacks from the supermarket.