To not want to pay this much for a hen do

[Brooomhilda]

A family member is having a hen do. It's at a friends house and is cocktail themed. They have asked for a £50 contribution per head. I'm pregnant and won't be able to drink. I'd love to go and celebrate but £50 is steep considering all I'll be able to have is the nibbles. But I feel a bit cheeky/stingey asking for a discount. What would you do?

OP I see where you're coming from. To avoid any awkwardness re £ I'd prob send a message simething aling these lines.

"Really looking forward to hen do on xx date

Baby is due in eg July so unfortunately am a bit restricted on what I can eat or drink.......would you like me to bring along my own soft drinks and nibbles (as I'm not able to drink alcohol or eat soft cheeses deli meats etc) until baby is born......or will suitable refreshments for the non drinkers/other pregnant ones all be in hand?

Thanks again....looking forward to the night!'

I think it really depends what the £50 covers. Can you find out more details? If it's going to be a catered party or perhaps a cocktail making class with a bartender then yes, I would pay it. If the latter than can make some pretty awesome mocktails.
if they are doing more a DIY set up, buying in food/drinks then I would discuss further.
Remember included in the price will be decorations, potentially games and gifts.

I wouldn't want to pay £50 for that but would also feel awkward trying to negotiate a discount. I probably just wouldn't go.

I'd ask what the £50 is contributing too as you wont be drinking, then go from there.

This is so cheap! I would happily pay it and I don’t drink alcohol xx

Sounds to me like there’s some kind of activity … butler or cocktail making class. If that’s the case I’d pay it. You can still partake in entertainment.

I think this is a good message. And it may prompt them to ask you to contribute less.

I get the principle that you should pay less as not drinking, but tbh, if the bride is someone I cared about, and I could afford the £50, I'd just pay it. I'm sure the money is also covering food, decorations, games/entertainment and paying for the bride.

£50 is not bad for a night out and it's very reasonable for a hen do. How many posts do we see where people are being asked to fork out hundreds (or more!) for a hen do.

My DD is organising a hen atm.
She's worked so hard -she has personalised pjs for everyone and engraved martini glasses with names for the evening (she's very creative). The guests will get to keep all the personalised goodies. She's made posters, banners and menus. She's asked for £60 a hen for bottomless brunch, then cocktails, nibbles and karaoke at her flat in the evening ( I've said I will pick up the bill for those as my wedding gift to the hen who I've known since she was a baby). For the two non drinkers she's asked for £40. That's fantastic value , 2 meals and unlimited drinks for £60 each - in London.

People are still quibbling. I get it if money is tight but these are professional women in their late twenties (no children yet).

I think you need to do a breezy reply about qhta the £50 is for as you can't drink so won't be doing cocktail making or anything.

I thought this was going to be ‘My BFF is having a hen do in Ibiza and we are getting a helicopter there and going to a club to see Fat Boy Slim and it’s £5,500 each.’

If I was pregnant I would be delighted it doesn’t involve coaches, hotels, pole dancing lessons etc. I think £50 for a family hen in someone’s house sounds lovely.

But if you're skint or don't know the bride THAT well then you wouldn't want all the personalised stuff?

Exactly. Either go and pay the £50 or make an excuse and say you can't make it. Don't quibble over a few quid because you're not drinking.

This is a small hen - just 10 guests so they all know the bride very well and the items are personalised with their names not hers!

I disagree - the cost difference between alcohol and non-alcohol will be significant. You would never spend £25 on soft drinks if you go out, let alone £50. £25 would cover a significant portion of the decorations on top of the soft drinks which I suspect will total £1!

I think it’s absolutely fine to say as you aren’t drinking and are pregnant and need to keep money aside for maternity that you can’t contribute; and either offer the £25 or just ask if you can contribute less and see what they say. If the response is a bit unreasonable you can say you have thought about it and have decided you won’t be able to come.

£1500 for a house party? Are they having it redecorated?

Usually everybody would have to (and be expected to) take their own gift

i pai less tan that a a cocktail making hen do in an atual bar

theyre taking the piss

Ask them to get some alcohol free gin etc so you can have mocktails.

£50 for some fizzy pop and nibbles at someone’s house is shit.

I wouldn’t start trying to negotiate how much I paid though. Pay and go or decide it’s a piss take and don’t pay or go.

Fucking hell!!! Just read that part.
I hosted NYE at mine, admittedly only 12 people. But I put on a huge feast (though not officially dinner), a few bowls of very alcoholic punch and some other booze though we did ask people if they wanted to contribute something then some booze would be handy. We had enough food to feed 2 of us for the rest of the week, and as everybody also brought a bottle we still also have loads of alcohol left! We also sent a few people home with doggie bags!
We spent £175 on that food and drink shop. Id love to know exactly what this £1500 for only 2.5 times the amount of people I had at mine will cover!!!

You could go out and have a couple of cocktails and nibbles for less than £50.

I'd be interested in what they're actually doing for that amount of money. A few drinks and nibbles at a friend's house is surely no more than £20 a head?

Perhaps message the organiser and say you're pregnant so not drinking and you just wondered what exactly was planned in case it's not really suitable for you.

The people saying it's cheeky to ask for money for a house party clearly have no idea how a hen do works! Either everyone pays for themselves, including the hen, or the guests also cover the hens portion. That's what normally happens.

£50 is a lot though, to essentially sit in someone's house and watch the others get pissed and cackle at things that aren't funny. I wouldn't ask for a discount, but I'd just decide if I wanted to go or not.

Personally, I detest house parties and would rather go out, even if it cost more.

I think it's fine to ask to pay half. I expect it's just a rough costing and they will probably spend more on alchohol than drinks. I wouldn't want to spend £50 on a house party. I'd rather take a bottle and a dish or put in money for pizza.

Over £1500 for a Hen do that’s a house party???

I spent much less on my entire wedding and afternoon tea reception for 12. 😳

In your shoes, I’d decline. I can’t stand other people trying to spend my money for me. 🤨

Well no of course she can just decline the invite entirely! I only meant often hen nights now are in a big city which ends up a much bigger cost than £50.