To think DP is being selfish

[kiana2015]

We've just moved home, I would like to get a couple of bits for the house, new rug, curtains etc, the bits I've picked doesn't amount to more than £200. I was about to buy and my DP insisted I wait until payday which is 2 weeks away, baring in mind he had just spend 400 on a new gaming set up and spends about 200 every 2 weeks on pints after work.
Aibu to think he's being selfish

And really, he does not help you more than most men do - he does not clean, he does not pay his way within the home for a start.

Ask yourself why does he deserve gaming equipment, drinks after work and so on and you can’t even buy a pair of curtains ??

what a pointless thread

That's called child maintenance and he should be paying it regularly.

Stop bailing him out and yes he should be paying towards food too.

Spend your money on what you want. If he runs out then that's on him. Why are you bailing him out when it's just frivolous crap he is spending on. (Why are you even with him?)

Oh OP your updates make me so sad for you!

As previous posters have said. He sees all the money as his to say what to do with.
so he gets the say over the majority of the money (you have to strictly budget the only bit you have control of whereas he gets to drink it/game it away), he also gets lots of free time but you don’t!

if your friend told you this was their relationship what would you say to them?!
be as kind to yourself as you would be to them.

You are not a team though. You do it all save and bail him out he drinks and spends

if you didn’t lend him money what would happen he would have to stop drinking those nights? Stop mothering him and let him fail

Bullshit, I don’t think you realise most men are decent dads!! He doesn’t pay for his child, and he sponges off you to have his hobbies. I think you should tell him since he’s vetoed some basics for the house but buying himself gaming equipment and plenty of drinks at the pub, and doesn’t buy anything for his child or food, you’ve decided 2025 is the year you give him not a penny. And if he wants to kick up a stink about not getting to sponge off you anymore he had better start paying in for food first.

someone needs to look after your child. Parents who can afford it have money aside as savings for a sudden expense. Start prioritising your child knowing your husband isn’t so there is only you. For what it’s worth I’d be divorced in your shoes, long ago. My dh and I share finances and the parenting load, he doesn’t piss it away at the pub or buy himself expensive things unless we as a family can afford it, and by afford it I mean have similar money for me.

His CMS should be coming from HIS money AFTER you've split the bills, food, child expenses etc. It is not equivalent to you buying the shopping. It's not a house expense. It's a his expense.

Stop bailing him out, it's not about being nice. It's about him having no respect for you and blowing money up the wall cos he knows he can while you go without.

You aren't a team because you can't even buy curtains without being second guessed. Stop bailing him out and buy what you want with your wages.

If he's regularly spending £100 a week on booze then he's not just a lazy selfish arse, he's a lazy selfish arse with an alcohol problem.

So why are you funding his frivolous behaviour?

Honestly, he sounds like a lazy, selfish, man child. What exactly does he bring to the table?

To answer your AIBU, yes, I think he's selfish.

To expand on that, I think he's probably got a borderline alcohol dependency if he's spending £100 a week on beer and a complete lack of respect for the mother of his child, whom he allows to 'budget carefully' while he spaffs money up the wall on whatever he wants.

You obviously love him very much to defend him, which is fine, but bear this thread in mind as the years go by because I feel like his behaviour is going to become less and less bearable the older your DD gets.

If you weren’t subsidizing his drinking and his other child you could be saving that very amount each month . Before long you would have a nice nest egg for your child.

I mean he is a good father to our child, he helps me a lot more than I think most men would, it's not all bad
Help? She's HIS child! He should be pulling his weight not 'helping'.
I bet the reason he split up from his child's mother is the gaming, drinking and being crap with money.

You are on here all fired up and angry yet you are the one who has allowed this man to leech off you and your child/ren

Go and direct your anger at him and take a long hard look in the mirror and take responsibility for allowing him to control your finances

But why is this your problem? He either needs to earn more money or stop spending so much down the pub.

Spend your money on what you want, what you can afford and DON'T bail him out. He needs to learn that if he blows £400 that HE needs to fund it and not expect you to waste your money bailing him out.

@kiana2015 so if he says to you that your ‘money shouldn’t be yours, it should be ours’ have you asked him why that doesn’t apply also to HIS money? Seems he can do what he likes but you think you’re a team….

Don’t bail him out. Just tell him he shouldn’t have bought all his gaming stuff and beer if he couldn’t afford it. Sadly he’ll have to short til payday.

In that case you just ignore him and buy what you want, and tell him you can’t bail him out. I assume he pays back the bail outs

Does he pay you back the money you "lend" him when he has spent all his on beer and gaming equipment?

While there are no consequences for his overspending, it will continue, I'm afraid. What happens when you say no to him?

What do you mean helps you? Do you think your house and child are your responsibility that he helps you with? Responsibility financial and otherwise should be shared in a partnership. Why do you think it's a mothers place to shoulder everything whilst Daddy lives his best life?

Stop doing it then! If you are building a life together you need to sort out your finances properly. You need a joint account for money spent on joint things like food, holidays and stuff for the house, and separate "spending money" each where you don’t need to consult first. If he chooses to spend his spending money you shouldn’t be subbing him or he'll keep doing it. You’re in danger of falling into permanent roles of Sensible Responsible Mummy and Irresponsible, Naughty but he hopes Lovable Child.

Sorry, who pays the piper? If you pay the piper, you buy whatever shit you want, any time you want without asking anyone. If he pays the piper, he decides. If you are 50-50 contributors, I am afraid it is negotiations, with all the spreadsheets, i.e. maybe it was a bargain for him to buy this shitty station at 400 quid, i.e. he would say 'no birthday/Christmas presents/Holidays for me - we don't know how your circus is run. Ages ago when dh and i were 50-50 I bought, without consulting him, 5K worth of stuff, but said 'no birthday/Christmas presents/holidays for me for several years - and stuck to that - he went on fishing trips with his mates, I stayed home and worked - so it all worked out very well. We do not know your circumstances.

Sweet fucking Jesus - what happened that there are so many women with such low standards?