To think DP is being selfish

[kiana2015]

We've just moved home, I would like to get a couple of bits for the house, new rug, curtains etc, the bits I've picked doesn't amount to more than £200. I was about to buy and my DP insisted I wait until payday which is 2 weeks away, baring in mind he had just spend 400 on a new gaming set up and spends about 200 every 2 weeks on pints after work.
Aibu to think he's being selfish

@kiana2015 I've read your posts. God, you've got such a low bar for what a good partner and father are.

You KNOW he's being selfish. You don't need Mumsnet to tell you this. So now that you've articulated it, what changes are you going to make?

Do what you want & buy the stuff & then tell him he will have to budget better because you aren’t an ATM. & stick to it or he will continue to use you as such. Divide the bills, make a schedule & show him then sit back & watch him pout! Enough of pandering to “ what I want I get & you will pay for it” You have a child ffs & he’s supposedly an Adult!

Why have you moved to another house with him when he's useless with money and spending is so unequal?

But you're facilitating it to the detriment of your DC and you!

Why are you doing it? Why are you carrying him?

A good father would pay towards both his children. What does he do for both his DC to show what a good father he is?

"Helps you out"

FGS, he's your kids father, not a friend who kindly lends a hand when you need it! Parenting should be equal. And it's literally his responsibility.

It's like when women say "DP is babysitting". Umm, it's not babysitting when it's your kid! Women don't "babysit" their own children!

I can't believe he spends that much money getting pissed every month (while leaving you to parent alone, I might add - Where's your fun and downtime?), expects you to pay for your DC's costs, plus food, plus bailing him out and insists you can't order some nice house bits.

In the nicest way possible - WTF is wrong with you?! Your being de-lulu. He is taking the piss.

As he doesn't see the point in making a home nice, counter that by saying you don't see the point in literally pissing away £400 a month on beer, but that doesn't stop HIM. And then order everything in your basket. F him. You deserve better.

How much time does he spend at the pub OP?
If he regularly spends that amount on drink then it does sound as though he has an alcohol dependency.

@MrsJHernandez I do get what you're saying and I do admit he does take me for granted but I'm not unhappy

He does have a couple every day

@Nanny0gg well I could t afford the bills and rent myself. And we're together I couldn't move by myself either

Of course he should but you are enabling him by not objecting to him spending all his available money on drinking/socialising and then bailing him out with your own money. I have no idea why you would do this. Are you scared of his reaction if you don't?

@thepariscrimefiles no of course I'm not scared but what else can I do, leave him with absolutely nothing until he gets paid, that's not very nice

And?

What’s “not very nice” is drinking away all your own funds so you need bailed out by your partner every month….your partner who also feeds and clothes your child no less!
OP you are not his mum. He can face the consequences of his decisions….if he doesn’t have enough money to drink at the pub every week he doesn’t go to the pub every week-simple!

if it’s not very nice then he shouldn’t leave himself in that “not very nice” situation should he? It’s not your problem. You pay for everything anyway so he’d only need it for drink. He’s acting like a child so treat him like one and teach him about budgeting by not bailing him out every month.

He is an adult and should realise by now that actions have consequences. He spends huge amounts of money on drinking and gaming while you are worrying about buying a few bits for your new home.

He sounds like an irresponsible child but you are enabling this. It's only spending money that he won't have if you don't bail him out. I'm assuming that still has access to food and other necessities.

Maybe he needs to spend less on booze and gaming and contribute more to your family expensive. I wouldn't be giving him money so he can piss it away in the pub or buy computer games.

Thanks for answering some of my questions OP, however you didn't say how you actually split the money when it comes in, ie, whether you each keep your own money, and then just pay half toward the bills, etc. or whether it all goes into a joint account, and then you each take out a certain amount after bills, etc. have been paid. I guess what I'm trying to find out, is whether you both have the same amount of spending money each month, as if this is the case then you should be able to spend your share of the money on whatever you like, and definitely should NEVER be bailing him out because he's overspent.

I also think he should be paying half of the food. The money he pays for his child/children, should also come out of HIS spending money, as YOU shouldn't be contributing to the upkeep of HIS children. So for example if you both got £1,000 spending money, and he contributes £500 to his children, then he should only have £500 spending money, whereas you should have the whole of your £1,000. He's bound to think this is unfair, but if you weren't in a relationship, it is what he would have to do, so the burden of his responsibilities towards his children, should not fall to you.

He's using you OP.
You must be able to see that surely .
I read messages on here all the time and l don't know how ppl can allow themselves to be treated like this .

Stop baling him out! FFS get a backbone. Buy the stuff you wsnt.
And when he comes looking for a handout later in.the month, tell.him to pawn the games system!

Oh well, he’ll figure it out afterwards.

and yes he should be contributing to the food and heating bills his joint child with you needs.
you do realise that you’re not covering it all so he can pay for his other children, you’re covering it all so he can game and drink in the pub to the tune of at least £600.

think how much more comfortable you’d be as a family if he didn’t waste so much money in the pub and what experiences your child could have with that money?

Why would he have no money, is he giving his ex his entire wage?

There's no reason why you should be paying for everything in the house and for your DC.

I think you’d only have to refuse to give him money when he runs out a couple of times before it dawns on him he can’t afford to spend so much on fun stuff.

Why are you even mentioning this to him for such small amounts? Just go out and buy what you need - you don't require his permission.