To think DP is being selfish

[kiana2015]

We've just moved home, I would like to get a couple of bits for the house, new rug, curtains etc, the bits I've picked doesn't amount to more than £200. I was about to buy and my DP insisted I wait until payday which is 2 weeks away, baring in mind he had just spend 400 on a new gaming set up and spends about 200 every 2 weeks on pints after work.
Aibu to think he's being selfish

So you can't even leave your child with her father?

Can't you see how bad this relationship is?

What is the point of staying with a lazy, drunken excuse for a father and partner?

I bet his ex is rubbing her hands together that she's got shot of him

You are his human ATM. A human machine that will always spit out cash no matter what HIS circumstances are. Wake up dear woman.

Why? He must bring more work and worry to your life than without him!

op if he said the sun was shining and it was midnight, would you think how can I tell him it’s not? He’s ’we are a team’ is no less bullshit. Next time he says that say ‘great!! I’d love for us to be a team!! Where’s my 100s of pounds for expensive fun stuff? Where’s my 100s of pounds for pissing away in pubs?? Oh actually, here’s a great one for being a team!!! You tell me when you’ll next pay for something our child needs. Im so excited about the idea of being a team, tell me when you want to start. Until then no i dont have any extra money to give you.

and yes you do let him go through the rest of the month with no money!! He’s got you worked out doesn’t he…

You have to start saying no to this horrible, selfish, juvenile twat.

Buy your home stuff. When he runs out of money, he can fuck off.

What he’s spent on himself, before making you spend your money on him, is disgusting.

OP seems to think it's OK for him to be controlling but not her.

Oh dear.....not for long....
Very soon there will be more to Money than Life.
This won't end well @kiana2015
Stop bailing him, you're enabling him, not good.

Personally I wouldn't tolerate this situation, he needs to grow up.
You have a jointly owned home and you are wanting to spend just £200 on a few nice things for your new home. To be honest I would just buy these things anyway - he can stew over bailing himself out this month.

£200 on pints a fortnight? That's like 25+ beers??

Yes! He is!

What's the situation with money, do you earn your own money? If you do then do what you want aslong as you can pay the bills at the end of the month.

If not then wait another 2 weeks.

This is spot on, he needs to help towards the food bill and you need to stop bailing him out and he needs to stick to a budget.

And what's with all the drink sounds like a right pisshead, but he's not all to blame, you chose him!

If you cannot see he is using you and acting as a kept man then you deserve him.

work out all joint spending liabilities. That money goes into a joint account with a bit more for abnormals. That pays for household food and ALL your joint DC costs.

own spending comes out of sole accounts. That includes his own DC / x payments.

do you not realise your are effectively paying for his DC by overpaying on the household? He is a user and a chancer and he should not be controlling what you spend YOUR money on. Stop baling him out- he can get an overdraft or stay within his means.

But he will drag you down.

@kiana2015 there is more to life than money but life without it can be miserably hard.

I think your DP is having the best of both incomes. Fine for him to spend £400 on his gaming set up but he didn’t factor in his excessive spend and reduce his own consumption of beer because he knows you’ll bail him out.

Meaning he thinks it’s fine for you to go without nice things because his needs trump yours. You need to push back. £200 a week on beer is selfish when you are going without.

I hear you OP. I was about to buy new curtains for the bedroom (old ones look shabby) and DP upon hearing this said it would have been nice to have been asked (!) and then declared the fabric "wouldn't have been his first choice" despite the fact I wasn't asking him to contribute at all! I'm then left feeling like I can't go ahead 🫤

Well, stop then. £100 a week on after work drinks pfft. Not a chance I'd be subbing him.

Send him back to his mummy.

But you’re not a team! How many people have to say that before you cop on?!

Why do you even need his permission?!

So he also has a problem with alcohol which you are happy to
"enable" ?

Don't you mean that he sends some of your money to his Ex?

Definitely.

If he's out of fun money he has to either learn to budget or stay home skint? Stop bailing him out and start reqiure him to be an adult.

That is the definition of settling - surely it’s only going to get worse?

If you want to keep bailing him out and spending nothing on the things you want while he spends an excessive amount on pints - up to £400 MONTH - then go ahead - nothing will change.