To think DP is being selfish

[kiana2015]

We've just moved home, I would like to get a couple of bits for the house, new rug, curtains etc, the bits I've picked doesn't amount to more than £200. I was about to buy and my DP insisted I wait until payday which is 2 weeks away, baring in mind he had just spend 400 on a new gaming set up and spends about 200 every 2 weeks on pints after work.
Aibu to think he's being selfish

if he's spending £800 a month on booze and gaming, and you are both paying towards the rent, you could have been paying off a mortgage.

That's his problem then.

Why on earth are you paying for everything and bailing him out while he spends what he likes on himself and booze rather than his child? He is NOT a good father.

Raise your standards. Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how she is supposed to be treated? Selfish man over herself.

What I think most dads do

They contribute to the family - putting their own needs last.
They pay their fair share,
they do their fair share of chores , their fair share of childcare.
they make sure their partner has money, down time and time for fun
They clear up after themselves, they spend time with the family, they can be relied on in an emergency to adjust their plans
They spend time with the chicken on their own and stand up for their children, support their activities

( I know you only hear about the bad ones on here but I still think most are good )

( fair share isn't the same for each family - and isn't always exactly half - some men may have long work hours or make more money or prefer cooking to cleaning, DIY to holiday planning for example )

I'd have just bought the stuff.

If you pay for everything and also lend him money, in what way are you a team?

You should have an equal amount of spending money and he needs to pay for his child. He can have a daily and weekly breakdown. If he goes over that's on him.

Oh stop being so bloody wet. You're completely enabling this, he's a big. boy, he can learn to budget like everyone else. You aren't his mummy. He gets to dictate how you spend your money so you have enough to give him after he's spunked his up the wall, is that 'very nice'?

I'm afraid you are the only one in this team, the other party isn't a part of it.

What you need to do is stop funding him when his money runs out, save as much as you can (you will need it) and whatever you do, do not under any circumstances marry this tool. He would ruin you financially and all your budgeting and saving would be for nothing. As long as you are just partner and renting everything that's yours is yours. Keep the receipt for all the stuff you buy for the house so you can prove it's yours when you inevitably leave one day. He can keep his receipts for all the beer he downs every week and try and use that to make a nice home.

Sounds like he’s a bit of teenager and needs an allowance. If he can’t stick to it then you can tell him that’s his problem.

This sounds like the catalyst for a massive rethink re fair distribution of money.

It’s not right that he uses so much money just for “fun money” ie in the pub and then relies on you for food and bail outs.

Paying for his older child is of course a given but it’s ultimately his responsibility to pay this money, not yours (ie the payments should reduce the money he has to spend on himself, not the money that you have for yourself, which seems to be the case as a result of the bailouts)

Remember, if you did leave him, he would be paying towards your joint child too!

I bet he tells you that doesn't he? "I do way more than all my friends blah blah blah"

Lets see;
He drinks every day
Spends ALL of his disposable cash on himself and his interests
Makes you feel guilty if you dont "bail" him out after he has spent all his money on himself.
Does no housework
Cooks occasionally
no childcare.
Does not contribute to the needs of your child
You are subsidising his child care payments

Does he even see his other kids? Do they stay at yours..lets me guess.. you mind them when he is out at the pub?

You don't have time to scratch yourself and he spends all his spare time gaming and in the pub. That's some team!

are you married to him and have you got joint children? Was he the same before you moved house? Edit: oh god the he's a good dad line.

And?

OP you should stop this immediately. Tell him to sell his gaming equipment if he’s desperate for cash.

I also think it sounds as though he has a problem with alcohol, if he gets so grumpy when you won’t bail him out, ie give him more money for alcohol.

Why don't you 'insist' he spends less on gaming and alcohol?

Cause I'm not controlling

You need to take responsibility your own part in this.

He is a grown man. He is bad with money. He is selfish.

You need to stop facilitating him by bailing him out.

Same amount of fun money each. If he spends it all. Tough.

And then have a long hard look at what positives he actually brings to your life.

He doesn't have a problem, he didn't drink for 2 months when DD was born and has no struggle

@kiana2015 why on earth are you giving him beer money?

If you are happy to let him control you ?

Please you are worth so much more
There are good men

Very selfish, it’s for the home which should take priority over beer. Now you know he priorities his own spending keep your own finances close.

@kiana2015 - this is what is called a natural consequence. He needs to learn to budget his money, and he will never do that if you keep on bailing him out.

He is acting like a child who knows that mummy will give him more money if he spends all his pocket money on crap.

He sounds like a manchild.

Well op isn’t bothered about his drinking she’s just bothered that she didn’t get her new bits for her home

Op you have got massive problems in this relationship- I don’t even think you understand the gravity!!!

You can't even be arsed to control your life, other than to make sure you don't make your DP grumpy.

You're right I don't care about his drinking, if he wants to go to the pub to wind down after a long day at work, then come home and play games, who am I to say he shouldn't?