Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

@GreenTeaLikesMe I don't bloody know do i 😂

This 👏👏👏
I almost replied to the poster who callously suggested you get rid of your dogs but I deleted it because it made me see red. I have one dog and five dogs in the past who passed away due to old age. A couple were rescues and the others I brought up from being puppies. There is no way I would part with a dog of mine, I even take my dog on holiday with me to the coast! I always tell people that dogs are a big commitment in terms of time and money but the love, loyalty, companionship and laughs they give in return make up for all the time and money many, many times over.

OP, I think it's great that you've engaged so proactively with the thread (not easy to do when you're feeling down....) and I think your attitude re the dogs is the right one: take good care of the dogs while they are alive but not replace them with more dogs after they pass away.

I dunno, the dog thing can go both ways. I've seen people whose social lives have really opened up as a result of having a dog, because it has brought them into contact with so many other dog owners and is a readymade conversation starter. I've also seen situations where dog ownership has become quite isolating, because the time, care, money required to look after the dog has meant less money for other activities and the constant pressure to never leave the dog for too long creates a lot of issues. I think it really depends on your local area and whether you and other local dog-owners enjoy dog-centered social activities or not, but it sounds like it's not working for you, so the "no more dogs after this" plan is probably a wise one.

I think finding something social to do with the dogs is a good idea, but I'd also try to find some non-dog-related ways to have a social life and meet new people, because otherwise you could be back to square one once your dogs pass away and you are no longer a dog owner!

I lost a few friends over COVID, because the pandemic sent a few people quite peculiar (several people I know either became judgmental germaphobes who seemed to want lockdowns to go on for ever and ever, OR loony vaccine-skeptics who thought the virus was some sort of conspiracy, and then started getting into a lot of other far-right politics). You are not alone if you find that your social life took a bit of a nose dive since 2020. I made a conscious effort to join some clubs and groups and build things up again, and you know what, it worked! You can do this.

@GreenTeaLikesMe

a really wise supportive post 😊

@Yogaatsunrise your post really resonated me and made me feel quite emotional.

I'm 48 and have been off sick from work this past week totally burnt out and with anxiety levels off the scale from worrying about everything and everyone. Supporting older unwell parents, children at uni working as a nurse and being in perimenopause do not make a happy combination.

Throw in the ridiculous cost of living and a lack of funds to be able to plan a holiday and have something to look forward to and it all feels overwhelming.

Not sure where you live but I live in the US. Every rescue I have volunteered with and every vet I know would agree with the RSPCA. Dogs can get bored and lonely and develop anxiety if left alone for hours and hours, especially indoors.

You leave your poor dog alone for hours what else is for him to do but sleep? If he's sleeping all the time he is probably depressed.

You are caring for others 247 around the clock, paid and unpaid. It’s not surprising your own body is saying enough.

We can’t run a car without petrol.

I am teaching myself to delegate, the first question I ask myself now is who else can do this? Why am I the default. It’s taken 50 years to consider that very valid question.

We are now downsizing. It will be a squeeze when the dc return from uni, but I can’t continue our current hours, I have realised 75 hours a week is unsustainable over fifty, the pressure is unsustainable. There is no time for anything that makes life worth living.

This time of year is tough at the best of times, things will ease as the spring arrives. I wonder often if our bodies are starved of nutrients after giving birth and never fully recover.

I hope you can find a way to make some of that caring about you as you recover - I am so sorry it’s so hard at the moment 💐💐

Agree with other posters, head to the doctor as you shouldn’t be so exhausted at your age, you’re still young! Also you don’t have to be limited to jobs in your area, with so many jobs you can wfh there are opportunities all over the country, depending on your skill set. I think your life sounds lovely (apart from your exhaustion!) but that’s because I’d love a dog and can’t have one in my home!

Are you introvert or extrovert? Do you replenish your batteries by seeking out alone time - or do you look for company?

I’m the latter and for me the answer to feeling like this is to connect with other people, people who make me laugh mostly, who I can be a bit silly with, but also talk freely about life, the universe and everything. To me, you sound a bit lonely and lacking easy company since your children moved away. Maybe it’s time to cultivate neglected friendships, or even make some new ones?

I think what OP is feeling is totally normal . You get caught in a cycle of drudgery that you don't think you can escape from . I can relate .
As a fellow live along dog owner the biggest change I made was incorporating my dogs into my social life . Every Monday morning now I go for breakfast in a local garden centre that allows dogs . I then joined a local dog walking group and we go out every wed and Sunday . Often followed by coffee in again a dog loving cafe .
If I'm not doing anything else that week it gives me structure . It's even better in the summer when four of us meet daily at the beach at 7am to dog walk and chat before the day begins.
Small changes OP can make a huge difference . Don't hoover the carpet every day use that time to take a hot bath / shower , have coffee and a magazine in a quiet corner . Take yourself to the cinema once a week . I really think you'll feel more energised when you do things for you .

Exercise will give you more energy

Yeah probably 🙄
Why don't you start a thread on the ethics of leaving dogs alone rather than go completely off topic and detail a thread. Get back to Reddit

Exactly.

Dogs in general sleep a lot and it doesn't mean they are depressed. Apparently wolves in the wild sleep a lot.

Also, cats sleep a lot.

I'm sure all these animals are not depressed.

Would you not line to meet someone OP ?
I don’t mean you need a man to feel happy but you mentioned 2 of your friends have new partners ..

Oooh that's a good idea! Although wasn't the "best films about poverty" a little depressing? 😬

Time for a change maybe? Are your parents still around, if so make memories and treasure them!

I'm almost mid 50s, have a DC at primary school, work between 25 and 60 hours a week, moved house (which I don't like), fatter, older, uglier etc!

I get overwhelmed often, very often. I try to appreciate the meaningful and little things in life, because most of it is indeed just grind, stress and conveyer belt of neverending responsibilities to never keep on top of! Xx

I take my dog in dog friendly cafes , have a cup of tea and people chat because of the dog . Have u considered counselling? If its person centred you will be allowed to chat without judgement. Sometimes it is the space to make decisions that’s helpful. Wishing u well.

Could you try ‘Borrow My Doggy’? A kind of aunty/uncle for your dogs that won’t charge you anything as far as I can tell (they can’t have/prefer not to have full time dogs of their own)

Step by step op 🌺

find something inexpensive you like doing home. If you really like it then maybe there is a community liking it if not near you online?

You need to connect with another human being and do something fun! Find the something, the people will follow.

Good luck 👌🏼

Maybe you're doing too much (or menopausal) and that why you're exhausted. I have children and feel like this but if yours have left home surely there can't be that much housework and admin to do?

HRT ? If your not on it , ask your GP
Try the Balance App for further info on it.

I’m on hrt patches , I don’t find them great ..
Can someone recommended something better please …

I switched to gel when my usual brand of patches became unavailable and my GP thought the replacement brand (much bigger and didn’t stick well) had limited absorption.

If someone’s coming round to walk your dogs every day, surely you only need to give them a quick 5-10 minute walk before and after work? And if it’s just you, leave the housework for one day at the weekend - you don’t need to spend hours every day on it. I’d be pretty fed up if I spent that much time cleaning! Invite a friend over or at least put your feet up and watch something on telly rather than vacuuming. Could you maybe wfh sometimes to reduce down your transport annd dog sitting costs and have some more downtime?