Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

I am older than you and I don't feel like this at all. I do lots of fun and free things.
I still have DC at home but I certainly don't clean and do laundry and admin daily. Or pay bills ( have you looked at direct debit).
You need to make some new friends. How about a book club or walking club? They are free.

Could you reach out to your old friends and see if any of them would like to do something that doesn’t cost much money with you?
Do you like the cinema, it can be good for escaping from your regular life for a few hours.
Joining a gym with a sauna etc is a good suggestion?
Do you see your adult DC, if so could you do some fun cheap stuff with them?

I would really think about going to the GP to commence HRT, although not the answer it will help drive you and give you the desire to try harder with friendships / hobbies

HRT has been a lifesaver for me.

My dogs create quite a lot of mess and shedding of hair. I love them so much but have decided they when they eventually pass away, I won’t have anymore. One of them also has medical issues and it’s been incredibly hard work.

I think a GP appointment is a good idea, it could be peri menopause, low iron or you are depressed.

Do you think you might be depressed OP? Is it worth speaking to your GP?

Blimey! Dogs are fine left all day and there is more than one for company plus they sleep loads The OP probably does more dog walking than most.
Anyway.,,,back to the point in hand 🙄

Well done OP, I’m so pleased you are looking after them so well.

Have you had a health check recently? You could be low in Vit D and or iron/ferritin especially if you are peri / meno. That would cause fatigue. Might be an idea to get some bloods done first and go from there?

No, they are not ok being left all day. Thankfully the OP is a conscientious dog owner. I hope you don’t leave dogs alone all day

You could be me. I was contemplating emailing the GP to ask for a prescription for antidepressants (fairly sure they will write me one without a consultation as they were keen to do that instead of increasing my HRT - thank goodness for private menopause clinics). I take some encouragement from a PP that this may be just a phase and it will pass as right now my best years are behind me and I've nothing to look forward to.

I'd suggest that as the first thing to check.

Also, OP, do you always feel like this or might part of it be January?

Yes, I was wondering this. An antidepressant could really help you with motivation to make some positive changes to your life.

Thank you, I’m going to call my doctors tomorrow and try to get an appointment for some kind of health check.

One upside of not having a high wage is being able to switch jobs and maintain your salary level!

What do you do for work, and could you do something more enjoyable?

I think this attitude their happiness is my priority and I would rather go without myself is a red flag in terms of mental health - both you and the dogs could be happy. I think you might benefit from asking the GP for advice.

I'd take a leaf out of Peggy Lee's book. I'm in my mid 70s and can, occasionally get overwhelmed with those things you're feeling.

But as Peggy said " is that all there is? If that's all there is my friend, then let's keeping dancing, bring on the booze, if that's all there is"

And again in the song Cabaret, the singer sings about life being here so enjoy it, don't ponder.

Joy in life can be found any where you look. Your dogs, they can bring so much joy. Every morning I smile, because our dog waits for me to get up, because the dog knows it will get a small treat from me.

You might not enjoy your work, but there is joy in knowing it keeps a roof over your head and food in your belly.

For me, a good book or a good football game can take me out of myself for a while.

And I sound like fucking Polyanna here, but small things really can make your day.

the doggos must bring some joy; or are they just another chore? I am on my own also and my DCs are quite challenging. What brings me happiness is: a) my dog and cats b) good tv series. c) yoga (i’m not good but I am improving); d) making the effort to rekindle friendships and go places e) going to festivals etc. sometimes the daily drudge gets us down, I agree re HRt and also maybe it is worth a job switch if possible . We need to keep learning and stimulated I think.

I love your reply, thank you. You’re right, the small things in life can bring you so much joy.

Maybe a change of career or job? Definitely find a hobby too. If you’re doing so much cleaning yourself, and walking the dog in the evening might be good for your mental and physical health, so do you need a cleaner and a dog walker? You could save that money for you instead, save for a holiday.

How about the weekends. Could you plan some little treats for yourself.

Laughing is good so you could try watching some comedies in the evening.
Do you like to read?

Also, do something risky that wakes up your adrenaline, like book a paragliding session or white water rafting, or a really high zip wire. See if you can tap up one of those old friends to join you.
Sounds like you need a boost!

Seeing the GP sounds like a great idea as does investigating HRT. I take Gina which is a low dose of oestrogen. I was similarly exhausted and have definitely started feeling better. I keep meaning to look into other HRT options but I'm doing okay on it plus about a million vitamins and supplements.

If you don't friends you see on a regular basis at the moment, I definitely echo the advice to take up a hobby. You don't have to go looking for a best friend, but it's nice to have those regular social interactions. Could you do something with your dogs? Agility, flyball, scentwork, gundog training? I've made friends with a lovely group of people through my dog. I hear you on the fur shedding! It is never ending.

A robot vacuum is very helpful to combat some of the hair (I have two very moulty Labs!). Doesn’t work for muddy paw prints etc., but definitely better than nothing. I’m really about about the medical issues though. That is so hard.