Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

Any ball and chain?
I find when mature women drop this, their mood gradually improves.
Doesn't matter if menopause is present.
😊

As I said op I feel the same in some ways. Can you and the dogs hire a camper van for the weekend and have a trip together? Or a dog friendly hotel?
Friends to plan things with should be a priority. They are a source of emotional replenishment!

Plan your own sleepovers, movie nights, cinema visits, bbqs basically everything you did for your dc now needs to be done for YOU. It is your turn.

This month use your savings as a happy fund, have a good think how you can use that money just for one or two months to bring happiness to your life - not the house, the dogs or anything else. Just for you. It might be giant fluffy towels for the baths you are going to start having, a night in a hotel in February or some plants for your house and flowers to brighten your day.

Buy some 🌼 daffodils today - they are a £1 and instantly cheer up the kitchen. Put them in every room! You deserve it op!

I think the lodger idea could be a good one?

Also following venues/places/events that you like on social media, especially local events. You can hear about what’s happening and plan ahead so that you have the money set aside and dog-care arranged.

Get rid of the dogs and there is hours of your life back…

No, don’t do that OP. No one will ever love you as much as your dogs ❤️

She has said a few times that she loves her dogs so how would that make her happier?

Did you mean to say you were 39 or is it a typo and you are 49? Because if you are only 39 you are still a youngster. Do not underestimate how different you will feel in 10 years' time. About lots of things. I think it's quite normal after 30 years of working to have just had enough of it and usually at 49 a lot have women have already been through the stage of looking to switch careers or upskill themselves. Many at 49 are evaluating their financial situations and taking a much closer look at their financial path to retirement.

Hormonal changes are a total bitch for women at 49. I didn't understand at all when I was 39 when older women would be open to talking about perimenopause and menopause and how difficult they found the change. I thought they were exaggerating or, I'm embarrassed to admit this now, even being a bit of a wet lettuce. I just thought they were moaners or should just pull themselves together or something. Well, I was TOTALLY naiive.

I'm 38 and feel the same.

The idea of pottery or weaving my evenings away makes me want to contact Dignitas.

There's just nothing to do at weekend or evening where I live. It's either go out for a meal and spend £80 you didn't need to or go to the gym. Is that it? Is that supposed to be the highlight of peoples lives?

It's depressing.

I'm off back under my misery rock now.

I had an idea the other day, OP, to bring a bit of interest and joy to my life which doesn't cost too much or take too much effort. And that is to go through a list of the "100 films to see before you die" using whatever source you want - BFI, Empire or even just IMDB. DH hasn't got a very wide repertoire in the type of films he likes to watch - he'd watch gangster or crime thrillers every time and actually we both tend to watch box sets rather than movies these dayss. I wouldn't say we are natural film buffs. I usually just end up flicking through channels watching shite every night rather than making a conscious choice to look for something of quality. Going through a list will make me try stuff I wouldn't have normally chosen, eg some anime films. We have netflix, sky and amazon video subscriptions so lots of things will be included on those. If they're not I'll wait until they appear.

This came about because I realised there are some films which EVERYBODY seems to have seen, which I never have, and if ever i mention it to someone they can't believe I've never seen it. eg Toy Story, the Terminator etc etc.

There's just nothing to do at weekend or evening where I live. It's either go out for a meal and spend £80 you didn't need to or go to the gym. Is that it? Is that supposed to be the highlight of peoples lives?

Do you have any local friends, if not could you get some?

I had an idea the other day, OP, to bring a bit of interest and joy to my life which doesn't cost too much or take too much effort. And that is to go through a list of the "100 films to see before you die" using whatever source you want - BFI, Empire or even just IMDB.

I am currently working my way through the last 20 years foreign film Oscar winners, I’m loving it. This week I feel like I’ve travelled to Denmark, Spain, Chilie etc etc.. Before that I Googled best films about poverty and watched loads of those from all over the world. It’s my little thing that I look forward to, it doesn’t cost much, I often subscribe to an app for a month and then cancel it.

The thing is lots of posters have made brilliant suggestions but it can be hard to start doing any of them when you get in a rut like this. OP I really hope you can find a way to bring a little joy and fun into your life.

That sounds a bit patronising. What should she do rent a local friend? She's saying she has nothing to do locally not that she has no friends.

Many many diogs are left while people go to work - most I assume work close by so don't add in a 2 hour commute on top of an 6/8 hour day. Yes I have left my dog and he sleeps and we know this as we have a doggy cam. The OP has more than one so they are in their pack and have company. Not sure what the outrage is about tbh.

The dogs are the love of her life! How would removing the one source of unconditional love make op happier?! I take it you don’t have dogs.

That sounds a bit patronising. What should she do rent a local friend? She's saying she has nothing to do locally not that she has no friends.

Not at all patronising.

If she has friends then she could have them over for games nights, movie evenings, meet for walks and a chat, all things that don’t cost £80 and can be fun.

I don’t know of anyone has suggested it but have you had your iron levels checked recently? Mine got very low due to heavy periods and I was absolutely exhausted all the time. Iron tablets sorted it out, the difference was amazing.

My dogs do fuck all when I'm in the house. They love their walks but also love laying on the sofas. I sometimes wish I could trade places when I'm off to work.

I agree. I ended up having a blood transfusion at your age OP because I was so low.

What a lovely post, thank you, it’s appreciated.

I will never get rid of my dogs, they will be with me until the end of their lives. They’re my family and I love them dearly. I have never, and will never be the kind of person that thinks pets are disposable.

Great idea, thank you, something I can do at home but would be enjoyable. I’d like to re watch some films I remember from the past. Some of the classics such as Dirty Dancing, Grease 1 & 2, Stand By Me, Ghost Busters, Sister Act.

The truth is we give our everything to our children, our husbands, our work, our animals and after decades of giving we forget what our needs are, we lose touch with what our own happiness even looks like, we take pleasure in other people’s fulfilment and then wonder why our own cup runs dry and our energy evaporates.

We need to come first at some point.

When I realised I prioritised even the bins over my own well being I realised I had to change something - actually lots of things.

I couldn’t even think of what made me happy and joyful when asked, I couldn’t name a single long term or short term idea I would personally love to do. I felt like I was having a rebirth of sorts when I started to make time for myself even if at the beginning I didn’t know what to even do with it!

I will send some 🌼 your way, and hope you can find ways to create the happiness you create for others just for you. We hopefully have a long life left, we have plenty of time to master this next stage.

49 was the age women felt the least life satisfaction! I think there is something in that - it’s a U shape and we are at the bottom right now. Not exactly surprising to us!

When I started with the question of "what's the meaning of life?" It led me on a spiritual journey of faith and I eventually found God and although my life is quite boring and stressful God grounds me as this life isn't all there is.

So, you don’t want craft, you don’t want meals out, and you don’t want the gym….what do you want?

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/measuringnationalwellbeing/atwhatageispersonalwellbeingthehighest

Look at the graph