Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

I think you need to think about your work. A job you enjoyed more that paid better sounds like it would make a big difference to your life. I appreciate it's not that easy to make a change, but think about it. Would you like to retrain in something? What work would interest you? Is there any capacity for a side hustle/starting a business?

I'm a widow and also a dog owner.I find it really helpful to walk my dog in parks etc where I'll meet with other dog walkers.When I repeatedly do solitary walks at early morning or nighttime I find it really dismal, especially in poor weather.
It's amazing how a quick chat with another dog walker can change my day.
I'm trying hard to keep a minimum level of tidiness in the house so I'm not ashamed if I've unexpected visitors but you shouldn't get too hung up on housework.
Changing your routine in the smallest of ways really helps but remember January is dismal anyway and Spring's coming.

We've a Labrador. I've given up. Everywhere gets hoovered twice a week. The hairs get in the bathroom on the white porcelain. Dust balls in corners. It's relentless.

Thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions! There’s some really great points and ideas here which I well definitely try.

I think back to when my children lived at home. It was hectic, always taking them somewhere, having friends over after school and for sleepovers, movie nights, taking them and their friends away on weekends. But I loved it, I had a purpose and got enjoyment out of it too.

Now they’ve both moved away and have their own life’s and I don’t see them much. Maybe I’m missing that too.

I find myself always worrying about money daily and try to save £100 per month for emergencies. But there is usually something extra every month to pay for. A new tyre, washing machines breaks down, boiler service, tiles blown off roof, double glazed unit needed replacing, vets bill.

Being on your own is a financial killer!

I grew up on a council estate and my parents never worked and lived off benefits. My brother is in the same position as them. Honestly I don’t think I’m any better off financially for all the hard work I’ve put in over the years. But I’m grateful to have my own home and every day thankful for how fortunate I am compared to a lot of others.

I live in a small town with lots of low paid work and the local opportunities aren’t great. So again, thankful to be paid over minimum wage even through not a great deal more.

I think the next step is a doctors appointment, try to get back in contact with friends and do something just for me, not for others or my dogs. Something to look forward to and lift my spirits.

I would get your thyroid checked too OP.

You are delightful.

Not nasty or insensitive to ask about the dogs welfare. If you read the OPs response you would have seeen that she is looking after her dogs well so no need for your snarky comment.

It is frustrating to see spiteful comments from posters who haven’t even read the whole thread

I think you are doing fantastic. My mum was always on her own and put her animals first. Still does and she's nearly 80. Rarely has anything for herself except her pets. Low wages are a thing that many of us have been trapped with. Sometimes I can't believe the salaries people are on now.
At least you have your house it gives you more choices. So many people are living pay cheque to pay cheque but all we seem to gear about is inheritances landing in people's accounts 😄.
When your dogs get to the end of their lucky happy lives maybe you could do short term dog fostering rather than the expensive long term commitment. It is hard when the kids grow up to establish your new life. I became a gran when my youngest was 12 so haven't experienced the empty nest.
But I really admire how you are managing and your discipline. As I said earlier my life has been one chaotic whirl after another.
Keep saving and keep going. Finances are loads harder on your own. Your dogs will be quite an expense too.

You have to plan your own "enjoyment" meet new people: local church groups, walking clubs, I love travelling: I pack my bags and off I go!

Your subsequent comments in no way excuse the crass insensitivity of your first ones. There was no reason to suppose the OP was anything but a caring and conscientious dog owner from her posts so no need for you to rush in with your boot at the ready.

I give up then. Can’t reason with stupid.

Could you take in a lodger for extra money, it could be a Mon-Friday lodger or someone who worked evenings (restaurant worker) if you didn’t want them there all the time, it might also be a bit of extra company

That's an idea I've known a few who do that. Four nights a week.

The lodger would have to be a dog lover by the sound of it.

OP, I'm a bit older than you, but live alone with a dog. It can be easy for life to just become a routine round of this-then this-then this, especially during the short grey days of winter. I also have to have something to look forward to in order to have the energy to get through the days.

I don't clean. At least, I do (my adult kids are prone to dropping in without notice and I don't want them to think their mum lives in squalor), but I do one big clean through every six weeks or so and then just keep the kitchen and bathroom from descent into typhoid territory. I buy myself a nice magazine or a book I'm looking forward to reading to give myself an incentive. And I give myself little 'mini holidays at home' every so often, where I will take the dog out and then go home back to bed with a TV series or a book and a bed picnic or a box of chocolates. Dog comes in with me and we cuddle up, listen to the rain and congratulate ourselves on not having to live with anyone!

Basically it comes down to find your joy. Make yourself the centre of your world now and again, and give yourself incentives. Oh, and get your hormones checked.

Good luck OP. I'm sure things are going to improve for you!

I felt like this until I started on a new healthy eating and fitness drive. First 2 weeks was hell and I was so exhausted, achy and miserable but now into week 5 and I am feeling much more energetic. Maybe try going for a health kick?

Glad you’ve been able to take comments on board.

Of couree you probably feel lonely and the change in your kids moving out is going to make you sad, but things will balance out and you can be happy again.

This is a new chapter for you - and you get to write it to a degree!

I would skip the GP’s for now and give yourself a goal of 3 months to sleep better, eat better, pour into yourself and set some new healthy habits.

If after that you still feel exhausted / low, get a blood panel done.

I think it’s very positive to empower yourself and when you can see the results in healthy body, healthy mind without resorting to prescriptions etc, it really does give you a boost and feeling of control.

Start with vitamin d!

Good luck x

I wouldn’t skip the GP. I think it’s good to start by ruling out any other issues for tiredness such as thyroid or vitamin/iron deficiencies

Honestly, I felt flat and tired before I started HRT and it’s made such a difference.

I had full bloods done too but it was purely hormonal.

I think without kids there should be less housework and more time for exercise/socialising/hobbies so I’d definitely prioritise this and healthy eating.

My dog is a messy, stinky lab but most housework is the kids..

I feel the same. I just find life so dull. Everything is the same all the time even if you do have hobbies. Nothing exciting ever happens. I think as you get older it just becomes apparent what a disappointment it is. Being on your own doesn’t help either. I find it all a bit lonely.

Thank you, yes all so true and sadly like you said, I think due to many reasons such as financial, time restraints, these dogs will be my last. Which in a way is really sad because I’ve never not been without a dog.

Your mini holidays sound great! Just learning to be kind to yourself, I’m going to try these ideas.

Friends - vital - make sure you commit to staying socially connected on a regular basis. If there are some people you haven't seen in a long time and want to, pick up the phone! Write a "social prescription" for yourself, once a month - dinner, cinema, with a friend. Loneliness is dangerous.