Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

Yes, I agree. It can be hard to cope with the day to day needs of animals when depressed so hopefully the OP will get some help from her GP

Awe lovely, not far behind you age wise and can relate. Losing your girls group must be hard. Not having time or energy or money a triple whammy. Have you thought about volunteering? Appreciate time/energy/money might preclude it but found the best way to suppress overthinking and feeling life has lost colour or meaning is to give back. You’d meet a host of lovely new people, learn new skills and make a difference.
Menopause also no fun. Takes a lot of women to the edge of themselves. To answer your Q: is this it? Yes and it’s short, we aren’t coming this way again so carpe diem. Really hoping we can all (somehow… do talk s* sometimes but mean well) manifest you a wee bit colour and purpose back into your day. If you’ve not seen it watch After Life. It’ll make you laugh (and cry) and it’s a touching reminder to cherish the moment and that in the ordinary there is also the extraordinary.

Ask for your bloods to be done. You could be low in B12, iron, folic acid. Any of these can result in low energy and low mood.

It's crazy that people are acting as if there's something wrong with you because a third of your life is being wasted on your job and the rest of your awake time is being wasted due to exhaustion from your job. It is surely normal to feel this way...it does not necessitate a trip to the GP. The only way out is to find an alternative way to live.

It depends on a number of factors though doesn't it?

Like whether you are walking in a nice park or on the beach or simply walking around a housing estate because you have to drive to a scenic spot.

And whether you live with other people and your daily dog walk is your way to get some time to yourself and listen to a podcast in peace. It won't be the same if the OP lives on her own all the time.

And she said she adores her dogs but she is spending money she doesn't have on them and worrying about their health. And there isn't anybody else to help her.

And finally she is tired and walking her dogs when she feels exhausted isn't quite the same thing either.

It really baffles me why people can't put themselves in other people's shoes before replying.

You could be here for another 50 years. It sounds like you have very little enjoyment.

Are you a creative person?

Do all these jobs around the house have to be done there and then or are you the sort of person who can’t just sit and read a book or watch TV?

Peri or menopause. I felt like this until I realised. HRT. Life changer. Lower standards and take up hobbies

This - in spades

Do you really believe everything you are told? Would you please explain to me how dogs were left alone for decades without any ill effects and yet now they can't possibly be left alone for over four hours? What do you think is going to happen to them? Why are dogs in other countries able to be left but not in the UK? I have no further wish to derail the OP's thread either, but honestly after being on MN for a few years I am so pleased I don't live in the namby pamby UK. Btw I have had three dogs, all were loved and cared for and perfectly happy - even though we sometimes left them all day while we worked or went away for a day.

That's sad. Sorry for your loss IP.

A nice sociable hobby once a week could lead to some new friendships?

Yes loads of people cI know including myself Is it possible the dark cold winter is getting you down and making everything worse? It is doing so for me. Soon it will go lighter and warmer, can you shave some time off all the chores to fit in sime you time a walk in park, visit nearest seaside anything that is different ?

Definitely. I agree.

@Summerhopesanddreams I had a five year old at your age, 3 dogs, two cats and around 100 geese, duck, hens and guinea fowl. Also worked.

You really need to see your GP for some tests. You're not right.

As for the social life post COVID yep things did fall apart. However, our WhatsApp group has limped along remotely. This Friday seven of us are having lunch together first time in years. It's been torturous at times organisation wise.

So get something going.

Addition to my previous post. You love your dogs I'm sure but is it the looking after the dogs just one step too many making you exhausted?

I don’t know what age/breed your dogs are but they’re obviously very important to you. I felt very much like you do, until I started doing dog agility. It’s been brilliant for my mental health, and you meet so many people through it, who are all dog crazy so the RIGHT kind of people 😉. It also seems to be something that ‘ladies of a certain age’ do, I’m mid forties and one of the younger ones!

What's changed that you were fine with this life before and now you're not? As you could have found a different job you preferred and with less of a commute, but you didn't.

I think you need friends, OP. Can you find something dog centered like a walking group?

I am also nearly fifty and feel much the same as you OP. Life feels so flat, monotonous and quite lonely sometimes. I have younger tween age children who give me purpose and keep me busy but often feel bored of the work and chores routine.
my job is ok in terms of pay and great in flexibility but that makes me feel trapped sometimes. I have friends but not always easy to make plans to see them
i have a list of things I want to do/ places to go but don’t seem to have the energy or freedom to do them.
ive taken lots of inspiration and positivity from this threads though and feels like I need to start on the hrt that’s sitting in my cupboard!
all the best op

Talking about your dog reminded me.
When I worked I had a cat.
He weighed 33lbs.
Once when I got home from a stressful day at the office, I walked in to my entire flat having been TP’d. Everywhere.
I thought my friends had pranked me.
It was the cat.
He always entertained himself.

I find life really miserable ATM. The boring monotony. Even having something to look forward to doesn't help the daily drudge.

I'm fighting everyone, always. hospitals, GP's, nurses etc. all of them just don't do their job properly. Medical conditions that I'm fighting, phoning yet again to find someone still hadn't sent the blood test request form to my GP. No accountability is even taken by nhs for such incompetence. These are basic things they should be doing.

Imagine in my job if I did 11 steps of say payroll, but forgot to send it to the bank. So no step 12, no one got paid?

Fighting others incompetence is wearing and drags you down.

Will read with interest.

Op, I have 2 great friendship groups, we messenge daily and plan to meet up mid-week, and go out at weekends. Eg went to London recently to see nutcracker. But all 3 of us are wrung out by all the fighting we have to do and chasing and sorting bits. (One friend has dd really struggling MH, the other fights ex-Dh financially).

I was waiting for an annual 2nd osteoporosis day clinic iv infusion, which has been delayed because my vit d was so low. Made sense! No wonder I was so run down! But I'd requested vit d 3 times from Gp and been refused.

Sometimes it feels as if I'm fighting constantly, harder than I should have to, ti get what I should've been given easily, if others were doing their jobs properly.

This is a great thread with some brilliant posters and will probably help countless people.
OP I get it. Although I frame the monotony as contentment and security. I read a lot which helps me understand the human condition. Lives of quiet desperation. I count my blessings!
Read about Happiness and how we can try and achieve it. It has to be worked on in these times where we have so much time to contemplate our lives. No wonder humans invented all the religions - to give ourselves a sense of purpose and attempt to ascribe some meaning to our lives.
And yes. Vitamin D.

I could not live without meaningful work. It’s essential to me. That doesn’t mean it has to be what I do now (resuscitating people), I asked got meaning from being a receptionist. But I need it.

I am the same age as you and the tiredness you describe is a shock. After having a life of energy, children and busyness it’s a hard adjustment. I am very active but I am having to cut back on everything. No doubt you want to go out and live a fulfilling life, you just don’t have the petrol in the tank to do it!

Message your old friends and suggest a drink, you have nothing to lose. Tell them you miss their company. If you can make some friends this will give you a natural boost, things to look forward to. Try to meet at the weekends when you have more energy.

Perhaps organise a small party and invite your adult children. Start getting to know your neighbours and community. Join a book club once a month, that will be doable.

In the evenings you are probably going to be too tired to go out realistically, maybe the summer will make it easier, what if you could do just one caring and lovely thing for yourself each night.
A bubbly bath. A delicious dinner such as fish and chips. A glass of something lovely on a Friday. A face mask etc. Save up for a massage or a pedicure. Human touch is very important if you live alone.

If you are not being cared for by you, then you will start to feel very neglected and miserable, like a dog with no treats or walks day in and day out. You deserve better op,

I do feel the same as you. I’m exhausted a lot - drained is the word. You are not alone. Can you downsize? Move elsewhere? I would be looking at big changes if need be too.