Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

I think winter is hard, hopefully as the weather improves you’ll feel a little better. Think about a D3 supplement and maybe B12, see the dr for some reassurance. Routine and boredom makes me tired and if I don’t give myself a shake now and again I can get very ground down. I know money is tight but even a weekend away could give you a lift and give you time to think about making small changes.

on a practical level, get a robot hoover. It will save you so much time, especially with dogs. Maybe you don’t need the house to be as clean, do less even just for a couple of days. I hope you feel better soon.

HRT - try it, you can stop if it does not help
Get Vit D
B12 and folate
Ferritin
Iron checked

If it's just you, surely there's no laundry every night? Do you need to clean and hoover daily? You should have at least 3 nights a week with nothing but rest or films or a hobby...
But maybe the issue isn't getting rest, but funding enjoyment? How is your social life?

Kindly, I think we as adults forget that we have to create moments of happiness in our own lives. Find things to be excited about, create plans to look forward too. There was a great response to a post here on Mumsnet years ago that I have never forgotten, where the person said everyone should have short term, medium term and long term things to look forward to.

Short term could be doing the daily Wordle, knowing you are cooking your favourite meal for yourself for dinner tonight, or having fresh sheets on the bed that day. Medium term could be looking forward to dinner or watching a movie/play/band with friends on Saturday night or Sunday Brunch etc. Or looking forward to working in the garden, or reading a book you just bought. Long term is the holiday you have planned, or long weekend away or people coming to stay or even the next season of your fav tv show coming soon.

it can feel overwhelming to start (eg - “I can’t book tickets with friends to the play I like as I have no friends to invite”) but start small. Try and think of little things that bring you joy, and do more of them. Decorate for Christmas/Easter. Valentine’s Day coming up - make it a real treat for YOU and save to get take away. Find an audio book you like to listen to when walking the dogs or when cleaning the house. Keep your favourite snacks on hand only for a bad day. Allow yourself dessert once a week. Plan for it, pick your favourite ones and that night is a treat for you.

It sounds silly, but make a list of potential friends. Old ones you just drifted away from in covid - pick one, and text, noting time has flown but you’d love to reconnect and do they have time to call or have coffee. Next week, text another. Be realistic that some people will have moved on, or now might be a bad time for some, but some might welcome contact again. Look to make friends in other ways - anyone at work? Ever wanted to try yoga or something? Pick a course to do, even if you don’t think you’ll like it. You’ll meet people and have more interesting stories to tell! Cooking courses can be fun.

With what you say about work, I’d also be proactive about making sure you are setting aside enough to pay off your mortgage and into a pension and can circle a retirement date. Even if it is years away, you know WHY you are working, and when you can stop, and if it seems along time, it might be motivating to get another job that interests you more and pays more, which would cut down the time you need to work….

You honestly do have more control over your joy than you think. Unfortunately it requires effort to get some traction, but once you have ‘the bones’ in place - friends to text, a yoga/painting/cooking class every week, long weekends to look forward to, I think you’ll find you might still have the odd bad day, or bad moment, but these odd occasions won’t make you think you have a bad life.

You deffo clean too much. Once a week is enough. Also, having dogs is a job in itself!

Spend more time on yourself. Like, have a bath and watch a film instead of cleaning. Pay someone to walk your dogs. Find a job you actually like or go part time.

Cos who are you? Another judgemental snout.

I was feeling like this and had some bloods done. They found a few things like low iron so I've had meds and feeling much better. Worth a check up.

Do you meet up with friends? Go on holiday? I joined a walking group 18 months ago and it’s been amazing for socialising. We meet 2-3 times a week, lovely country walks, pub, it’s lovely. So glad I joined. My kids are grown up though youngest (17) still at home. I do like my job, so that helps but you need some pleasures in life too.

Yes totally missing the point of the thread and utterly insensitive. This thread is about the OP and her feelings.

Yes, already the nasty comments!! Very insensitive

This may not be helpful OP but I admire your discipline. I am a total scatterbrain/procrastinator and would love to have more control so I admire you for that.
Have you looked at courses that you may fancy doing for pleasure or better job prospects. Realistically you have a good 20 years of work ahead +as do I and I often think should I retrain.
Definitely go to the GP too. But don't be hard on yourself you sound like you have everything ticking over and that sounds perfect to someone who has lived for years in chaos.

This is your perfect time to retrain. What field do you work in/what do you do? You deserve by this age to be earning a good wage and have more than enough to live on. I'm 39 and I've spent the last couple of years prioritising myself in terms of progression and ultimately want to earn over £100k. This has been through a couple of qualifications I've done alongside work (I've been fortunate they've paid for these no strings attached) and this has eased the family budget no end as I've had a couple of promotions.
I'm only up to £60k at the moment but want to hit my goal. I keep family time sacred and don't over work (I work to live not the opposite!)
But I definitely want to make life easier long term so I'm trying to put the ground work in now.

If you only earn just over minimum wage I'd maybe focus on what you can do to change that so you can afford the odd weekend away or other fun stuff that gives your life purpose or meaning.

Reading that back I promise that this post was not meant to contain so much info about me - I was just trying to say I identify partly with what you've written and I've felt similar and have tried to use my wage to change that! Hope that makes sense.

I suggest seeing a sympathetic gp. You sound low in mood and it is impossible to motivate yourself to do activities when you are depressed (I know)

Just to add its not normal to be excessively 'exhausted' everyday due to work so I'm glad you're getting checked out at the GP. Definitely take lots of supplements regardless of the results - they help prop us up day to day! Particularly probiotics and iron.

I must admit, whenever I see a post on Mumsnet where the OP is saying that they feel tired, stressed or overwhelmed by tasks and ‘walk the dogs’ is listed, I do wonder if there’s something that is being overlooked.

I do understand that people love them but they are a huge tie these days (the increased expectations around ‘good’ dog care have only added to the stress) and come with their own long list of chores.

One family I know is partly from the US and manage their dog in quite an old-style way. He gets a good walk in the morning and at other times, spends a lot of time out in the big ‘yard’, knows exactly where he is in the hierarchy and doesn’t go on the furniture. Despite being a large breed he is now a really sensible adult dog.

The OP would probably feel far better, freer and more relaxed in this key stage of life if she could leave the house when she wanted, for as long as she wanted, pop away for a weekend and had more money to spend.

Perhaps ‘Borrow my Doggy’ could be the answer in the meantime?

You're only in your 40s! Let your house and go abroad for a year, train to be an English teacher or a yoga teacher. Train to be a school teacher if you have a degree and go work in a nice international school for a bit. If you don't have a degree go to uni as a mature student. Or do an access, then go.

Maybe none of that works for you but it's worth thinking about why not. (Aside from dogs, which I get, believe me. But there might be ways around it.) Don't let life pass you by.

Start adding joy in small, easy free or cheap ways. Put on calming or uplifting music you really love while doing jobs around the house. Brew fresh coffee or a favourite tea in z favourite mug.

Listen to fascinating podcasts ( not depressing crime ones) when you walk the dogs. Contact all friends from the old whatsapp groups and ask to catch up over a dog walk some time, or for coffee or a drink at weekends.

Make sure you have healthy, easy to cook food you love at least once a day. Have a couple of different scents of shower gel snd bath oils on the go, so you can choose and take pleasure from a relaxing bath.

Have a goal of doing new things at weekends to meet new people or catching up with an old friend. Money may be tight but you deserve to spend £15-20 minimum a week on yourself. That covers a dance or yoga class, or a cinema trip, a bottle of wine at home with s friend etc.

BTW a friend who spent a fortune on dog medication at the vet found the same medication online and asked the vet for the prescription instead of the meds. Suddenly the vet found they could get it cheaper... Don't be fleeced.

Good idea. Agree ferritin and vitamin D are frequent culprits for tiredness. And our winters are brutal for vit D.

I feel like this, the daily drudge of life (I'm also perimenopausal). When you're on your own I think it can be quite tough, a bath isn't going to solve it, not doing the housework won't either (you have to do it eventually). You can't put off life admin as it is just you. You cook the same things because it's quick and easy and cooking for one isn't much fun.

I've started tennis lessons again, I love tennis and had lessons just before covid. I forgot how happy being on a court makes me feel, the sound of the ball being hit by a racket, being happy when I hit it, then being twice as happy when it goes over the net!

I've started putting the radio on when I'm working , and it helps make it not quite so boring (I like my job too).

I'm also looking forward to the 6 Nations rugby starting this weekend.

But January have been a real drudge and living pay day to pay day is tough.

Get a cleaner if you can afford one - life is too short to spend your evenings cleaning!
turn your walks into a run - podcast / music on!
get to a yoga / fitness class in the evening.

Thank you @3LemonsAndLime - lovely post which I think I needed to read today

Just a question. How is it cruel if the dogs have company with each other and have the run of a downstairs. Have food and water, and are walked daily?

I wish I could hibernate like a bear in January, February and wake up in March. I have a son like this. It's dark again this morning

The RSPCA have enough to do without sticking their noses into well fed and looked after dogs. Some people are frankly ridiculous.

And so you are in a completely different stage of life! Which is why you feel different!