Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

out of interest, is there pleasure in your weekends? Or when you take annual leave?
I think enjoyment in life doesn’t just happen, you need to carve out time to make it happen. What would give you joy? Can you set aside eg 1 evening a week to doing something specific for you? I appreciate the dogs still need a walk, but life admin and chores can be put aside for a day.

How's your menopause going?

I felt like you before I started HRT?

Your working day sounds pretty usual, although I don't seem to have so much daily admin etc.

Do you follow anything fun on your days off?

Meet friends, do hobbies etc?

Can you find a job you enjoy more? I'm full time, but I love what I do, so it never feels like a chore.

I'm 54 BTW, but don't feel as dragged down as you seem to be.

Sounds like a LOT of cleaning and housework. Why don’t you go out some evenings and do a yoga class or pottery or weaving or whatever?

What do you do for fun at the weekend ?
its sounds like the daily grind is gettin you down - but it won’t change unless you put the effort in to change it .

You have to do little things to create joy for yourself. Treat yourself to a nice bath, a decent lunch one day a week, meeting up with a friend, a different walk, ice cream and a box set, trying a new evening class.... small steps til changing things up becomes a habit

Life in winter can be pretty mundane, but do you have friends to meet up with now and again?
Maybe go out for food or to the cinema? I'm 50 and try to do a couple of things a week to get out of the routine you describe.
Maybe you need a little health check if you feel exhausted?
Is there anything local you could join in with or do class wise in the evening.
I think we do have to make our own small pleasures as it can be a bit treadmill like otherwise

Do you plan out arrangements with friends in advance to have something to look forward to?
Do you have a regular hobby evening (e.g. rock choir)?
Are you planning any holidays?
A good, fun life takes effort and planning

what do you like doing? What’s stopping you doing fun stuff in the evenings?
i’m also approaching 50 but my children are 12 and 14. I’m on my own and make sure I am out two evenings a week. Sometimes theatre, recital etc, and I sing in a choir and go to tennis (i am rubbish!)

i am very limited due to the children and if I didn’t have to worry about them I would be out and about more.

i walk my dog at 6-7am (sometimes a bit earlier) as it frees time up later in the day. It took me a while to get used to it but I love it now.

basically, its down to you! Go find some fun lovely

Your life isn’t something handed to you at a raffle or found at the bottom of a cereal box… the life you’re living is the one you are choosing to live!!

You are in a house with no kids. Why is there so much housework? What on earth are you finding to do every day?

Yes, surely one person living solo, even with pets, can’t generate that much mess, laundry, or bill paying, online shopping and emails?

What do you do for fun, OP?

I understand. What are you doing that you enjoy, what can you do that you enjoy? Can you think of anything?

There are so many things I’d like to do on a weekend but genuinely feel exhausted.

I also have to be careful of finances, there’s never really anything left and live pay day to pay day.

Maybe it is menopause related and I’ve just become stuck in a rut of drudgery.

Missing the point of the thread, but who is looking after your dogs when you are commuting and working all day? I hope they aren’t left on their own all day as that is a crap life for them too and they have no control over it.

You seem to do a lot of cleaning and dog walking. Neither is compulsory. Or rather it is not compulsory to have dogs. And daily life admin?
Why don't you do an evening class?

Join a gym with a sauna or spa lots of offers on atm, it will help you unwind and relax and sleep better, change up your routine , clean twice a week and quick tidy whilst dinner is cooking who's gonna notice ? Make more time for you baths , walks tv , gym don't have to cost a lot x

I have a pet sitter and dog walker daily. Hence another reason money is tight but their happiness is my priority and I would rather go without myself.

How do you travel to work? Can you use the time to listen to something that will give you pleasure? Books, podcasts, music, radio... an endless choice and it can be a bit of happiness in something otherwise mundane.

Ps agree with those saying that home things sound pretty onerous. Dog walking is quite time consuming but if just you I would have thought 3-4 hours for all admin/ housework per week. It’s me and my teenager and I do a lot of washing but that is mostly his tbh.

What do you do at the weekend and do you have any friends?

I remember 50 to 55 being my worst age, but after that things started picking up and early 60s onwards have been brilliant, probably the best time of my life apart from late teens/ 20s.

I think perhaps it's a combination of menopause/empty nest/ career or job going nowhere and a long time till retirement, plus aches and pains beginning to creep up. But hold on in there OP, things do get a lot better.

Thank you for all the pointers. The friends is actually an interesting one. I used to have a couple of good friendship groups but covid kind of finished them off.

We would go out weekly to a local pub or restaurant and I really miss those times. A few of them have new partners in the last few years who have become their priority and two have sadly died.

But I miss the fun and laughter, the chatting on the WhatsApp group.

Nearly 50 too and my children are (apparently) grown up. I don't feel like this. There must be something that brings joy in. Do the dogs? What else can? Do you need to see a GP? Make sure there's no treatable reason you're so exhausted for starters.

You sound like you love animals;could you volunteer at an animal sanctuary one weekend day each week even if it's only a few hours?it would get you out of the drudgery of work/housework and socialising whilst not spending money and it would be rewarding.

You’re totally right and I need to get better at this so I have things to look forward to.