Nearly 50 and feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed with life, is this all there is?

[Summerhopesanddreams]

I’m approaching 50 and have worked full time all my life. My children are grown up and have left home but I feel like life never gets any easier.

A typical day is get up early for work, feed the dogs, do a few small jobs around the house, get ready and travel to work.

Spend a full day at work in job that I neither like or dislike, it’s just a job but I need to work financially. Part time isn’t an option, I’m on my own with no entitlement to any benefits as income just above minimum wage.

Travel home, take the dogs for a walk, feed the dogs, hoover up, cleaning, put a wash on and more jobs around the house and garden, life admin such as answering emails, paying bills, online shopping.

Go to bed exhausted and start again the next day.

There is no enjoyment in life and I regularly wonder if things will ever get any better. Is this a common theme these days, anyone else feel the same?

Cleaning and house and garden jobs every day? That’s totally unnecessary, also dogs don’t need walking 3 times a day, twice is perfectly fine.
Miss out the night time walk, and cut down the cleaning days and that will give you some time to relax, maybe join a group, start a new hobby etc

Yes I was just thinking whether there's a way to walk the dogs in company so you combine it with socialising. Dog walkers club at the weekends?

Also, if your job is meh, look for something with a few days wfh instead for part of the week. Will save you some of your dog walking and sitting costs and you can get some of the life admin done and out of the way in your former commuting time, lunch break etc.

The dogs are extra work. But how much housework for one person. Sounds a bit like your choices make life harder like having dogs. I agree with having things to look forward to. Meals out with friends new hobby, holidays. Life can be a grind so you need to have things you enjoy.

I feel the same, life is so hum drum

Quite a small thing but surprisingly it does help to list three things you are grateful for at the end of each day. It doesn’t have to be big things either.

I went through a phase where I felt my life was joyless so I started planning one outing a month well in advance. One month a theatre ticket, next month cinema, one month I planned a day hike with a picnic. One month I did an afternoon in JL with tea in the cafe. Having something to look forward to really cheered me up.

I’m 51 and my kids are still at home (older teens) and I felt quite lonely, I put quite a bit of effort last year into trying to make some new friends which has helped.

I used to until I started allocating some 'down time' to me.

As a dog owner myself, I appreciate a daily hoover is advisable but does it really need to be done every single day? Nah! Award yourself one work night a week (or even two!) where you exercise the dogs and the rest of the evening is yours and chore free to spend however you like. Life can become dull and boring when all we seem to do is work in some capacity or other. A dog-owning friend of mine has a sign in her kitchen:
'My house was clean and tidy last week, my apologies if you missed it.' 😁

I love them undoubtedly but these will be my last dogs. One has medical issues which can be worrying and costly. A lot of my time is taken with their care and making sure they have the best life possible (they’re rescue dogs).

Op could you see if there's a local dog walking group on meet ups and maybe join them at weekends? Or some sort of walking group?

Gosh, if all I needed to do every day was get myself up, take care of a pet and go to work, my life would be so chill and relaxed and I would have so much time for replenishing, happy things. I am 50 but my children are pre teen. I'd exercise. I'd go out and do hobbies. I'd meditate. I think working a NMW job would be hard, granted, especially if you're on your feet or working with the public, but I'm still surprised you don't feel loads more relaxed and happy compared to when your children were young and you were busier.

It very likely is the menopause. That's usually what it is for me.

Could you be anymore patronising 🤔

Is there a local dog agility group you could do instead of a walk one evening?

You sound wonderful ,👩‍🚀💛

Is there any possibility for you to train for promotion or a different job? Things might be easier with some more fun money.

Gosh you’re only nearly 50 - that’s hardly old! My husband is 47 and he’s just made a massive career move as he was very unhappy with his previous job

my mum changed jobs at 58

it’s not too late to change things! If you’re unhappy with your job that’s a large part of your week that your spending somewhere you don’t even like which is going to just mean your weekends are filled with the dread of Monday looming

you definitely need to find a hobby or something to do at the weekends - what do you enjoy?

what do you do with your annual leave normally??

if your kids are grown up then you can do off peak holidays and find some really good deals if you wanted to travel a bit

Blimey! Dogs are fine left all day

Oh my god no they aren't that's such an upsetting comment.

People who work full -time shouldn't have dogs unless they get a dog walker during the day which thankfully OP has.

What's the point of a pet just to leave them on their own

I do feel that after the menopause life can feel flat. Not depressing as such just flat. It is hard to feel motivated. De you belong to a book club or similar. It’s a way of meeting other women and something to do in the evening. I do sympathise.

Don’t you enjoy your dogs ??

Dog walking (in any weather !) us the best part of the day ! It’s not a chore, it’s wonderful 🐕🐕

January is the hardest month. Everyone feels a bit down right now because we're all skint, ill and freezing. January is drawing to a close.

You don't understand because you haven't been through it.
When your kids are actual kids, the busyness and the routines fill life. By necessity you are out and about lots, interacting with people. Home is a busy place full of people and noise and life.

And then they go. And all the noise and busyness goes and you are left thinking " what the hell do I do now?"
Sometimes people ( who haven't been through it!) Say " you'll get your life back" but the life I had before children was a completely different life. I was in my 20s and had all the advantages of youth and everything to look forward to. If I was to get that life back....then bring it on. But actually you get given a completely new life, which is much emptier and quieter with much less to look forward to and you have to build something with it. It is really fucking hard!

@ElvenPowers Gosh, if all I needed to do every day was get myself up, take care of a pet and go to work, my life would be so chill and relaxed and I would have so much time for replenishing, happy things. I am 50 but my children are pre teen. I'd exercise. I'd go out and do hobbies. I'd meditate. I think working a NMW job would be hard, granted, especially if you're on your feet or working with the public, but I'm still surprised you don't feel loads more relaxed and happy compared to when your children were young and you were busier.
It very likely is the menopause. That's usually what it is for me.

Gosh! You've obviously thought long and hard about this

Maybe doesn't want to leave her dogs after leaving them all day?

True.
But the snowdrops are out and the bluebell bulbs are peeking through so spring won't be long.

Gosh, if all I needed to do every day was get myself up, take care of a pet and go to work, my life would be so chill and relaxed and I would have so much time for replenishing, happy things. I am 50 but my children are pre teen. I'd exercise. I'd go out and do hobbies. I'd meditate. I think working a NMW job would be hard, granted, especially if you're on your feet or working with the public, but I'm still surprised you don't feel loads more relaxed and happy compared to when your children were young and you were busier.
It very likely is the menopause. That's usually what it is for me.

You are really not getting it.