For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

[louisewellsx37]

I recently moved to my husbands country and it is very common to share locations with friends family. I admit I thought this was/is strange too... but he has 5-6 of his friends and his sisters so wasn't a big deal. We have each others and its actually pretty handy knowing when he is on his way home from work (for dinner purposes), seeing if he is working late, or for him to see if im safe walking the dogs in the forest alone etc etc. so all in all kinda handy. problem is, his sister occasionally comments on his location eg recently we took a roadtrip and it was snowing, and she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

problem is, after her comments on where we are at, and winding up my husband for no good reason, i find uncomfortable. even yesterday we were due to go to dinner at a family members house but changed our mind, and she has his location so we can't even say we got held up at work etc. I just find it an invasion of privacy, but was happy to keep quiet and go along with it until she started making her comments on the places we travel too...

AIBU? she recently deleted my husbands location (GREAT!!) because he had it turned off for a few days because he was fed up with it all, and because he turned it off she deleted him (as if to say well i will delete you then, if you don't share it!) - anywho, what annoyed me more was he added her back after a few days. I asked him why when he knew that i did not want her having it, he said he doesnt see the issue, why do i care, and makes out i am starting an argument and says he can have his familys location if he wants too.

AIBU?

It sounds like your husband wants to share his location with his sister or he wouldn’t have added her back? I’d just leave them to it? Just make sure he doesn’t tell white lies to relatives he’s supposed to be going to dinner with!

This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

WTF? Has the woman literally nothing else to do?

well clearly not, that's why i feel uncomfortable about her constantly monitoring my husbands location, and most of the time i am with him so mine too. we want to start IVF soon, is she going to know each time we are at the hospital? I don't feel comfortable with it at all...

It's surely up to him.

Surely this is an issue between the two of them? If you want to lie to the family that's not a reason for him to not share his location of that's what he wants to do.

I think it's weird, and it might be up to him but by default she then knows your location a lot of the time too. I wouldn't ever share my location with anyone, it's really intrusive to me. Even more so with people who aren't even part of your household.

I don't share my location with anyone and wouldn't expect anyone to share theirs with me. It's totally weird.

But I don't really understand your objection. You were OK with it but now you aren't.....?

Surely it's up to his husband who he shares his location with. I don't think you can tell him not to do it if he wants to.

Sharing your location doesn’t keep you safe if you are walking your dogs alone in the woods.

I hate all the location sharing. My husband shares his with me when he goes trail running. So I suppose if he had an incident I could guide the rescue services there? I don't even have my teens and teens location share. Having said that, you can't control someone else's choices. But I would say I'll go by myself to the hospital if I didn't want his family to know (I don't mind because they are very nice, I'd feel differently if they annoyed me!)

I think that is the line he doesn’t cross. It is not her business when you go for confidential appointments. Ask him to turn off his location, it’s really invasive.

@Ablondiebutagoody hi - yes i was fine with it and didn't really expect anyone to be keeping tabs on it, but once I realised she checks regulary (daily) and then comments on where we are going/what we are doing, it then led me to feel uncomfortable ..

Well yeah, keeping track of what people are doing is the whole point of tracking them

Your reaction to going out in the snow example was so monumentally over the top. Maybe she was just wishing him luck going out walking/driving in snow?? You spoke to both of them about this? My god you sound hard work.

I don't think you can start a relationship with someone and begin insisting on them installing 'boundaries' (an incredibly cringe term overused by people) on their pre-existing relationships. His sister was there before you and she'll be there after you too.

@Ablondiebutagoody right, and you wouldnt mind your husbands sister/brother tracking him? and subsequesntly most of your movements if you are with him?

Most of us aren't threatened by our partner's relationship with their sibling. We don't feel in competition with them. I'd worry if it was his ex in most cases, not his sister.

Do you feel as if you should be the most important woman in his life?

@OCDmama it wasn't just about that, it was about her texting my husband on seperate occasions because i wont let him smoke weed daily, saying youll be free soon (free from me to smoke weed and be a teenager again)

“Utterly disrespectful”. Really? Sounds like fairly innocuous ribbing from a sibling who hasn’t built a firm relationship with you yet. Keep going with this kind of rigid resentment and you never will. As I get older I am firmly of the stance of not looking for trouble”. I find my life goes much more smoothly.

"Won't let him"

Eeeshhh

Well it’s entirely up to him.

Wanting him to delete so you can lie to his family isn’t really a good enough reason…

Your SIL doesn’t like you much by the sound of it, or maybe just likes teasing your husband about you. Maybe you’re upset about that.
But you can’t tell your husband not to share his location, that’s his choice.
Changing your mind about going to dinner with someone who’s expecting you, with no notice, is really rude , BTW! The problem is not her tracking you.

She’s constantly pulling at threads in your relationship because they’re there for all to see - you husband is giving out as good as she’s giving and so he’s also part of the problem. Frankly it doesn’t sound like it’s a match made in heaven for either of you and there’s a fundamental issue with his relationship with his sister that’s not going to change just because you dislike her? Plus all this drama between you and his family isn’t going to suddenly disappear if you have a baby together.

I'd advise the man not to have any children with someone who feels she says what she "let's" him do.

I’m with you OP. Not sure there is much you can do to stop it, but I’d be putting my foot down on the medical appointments. Or he doesn’t come.

also, your husbands dialogue with his sister, referring to you as “she”, was disrespectful. That’s clearly the dynamic they have. She’s the fun one. You’re the stick in the mud that stops him having fun and drags him off on silly road trips.

I would certainly say we are not telling her about ivf which means you can’t come to the hospital since she will see the location and ask, and that means I probably don’t want to do ivf if I can’t have your support.