For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

[louisewellsx37]

I recently moved to my husbands country and it is very common to share locations with friends family. I admit I thought this was/is strange too... but he has 5-6 of his friends and his sisters so wasn't a big deal. We have each others and its actually pretty handy knowing when he is on his way home from work (for dinner purposes), seeing if he is working late, or for him to see if im safe walking the dogs in the forest alone etc etc. so all in all kinda handy. problem is, his sister occasionally comments on his location eg recently we took a roadtrip and it was snowing, and she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

problem is, after her comments on where we are at, and winding up my husband for no good reason, i find uncomfortable. even yesterday we were due to go to dinner at a family members house but changed our mind, and she has his location so we can't even say we got held up at work etc. I just find it an invasion of privacy, but was happy to keep quiet and go along with it until she started making her comments on the places we travel too...

AIBU? she recently deleted my husbands location (GREAT!!) because he had it turned off for a few days because he was fed up with it all, and because he turned it off she deleted him (as if to say well i will delete you then, if you don't share it!) - anywho, what annoyed me more was he added her back after a few days. I asked him why when he knew that i did not want her having it, he said he doesnt see the issue, why do i care, and makes out i am starting an argument and says he can have his familys location if he wants too.

AIBU?

He sounds immature and a bit odd with an odd intense relationship with his sister. The weed smoking (just the fact he wants to smoke it daily and jokes about it behind your back) would be enough to not want to be in a relationship with him. I'd leave them to it and bin him off. Don't have a baby with this loser.

You're being tracked by default when you're with him. Perfectly fine for any individual to allow themselves to be tracked. But it's not ok for one individual to make that choice for a couple. I wouldn't like it at all & I'd ask him to disable location services while I was with him.

You all sound equally hard work and about 15.
Her with the tracking, him with wanting to smoke weed daily and you with the OTT response to a comment she made.

I'm in two minds about this. My DH, DC and I all have location sharing and so I'm not someone who is against it in principle. So on the one hand, I think it is up to your DH who he chooses to share his location with.

But we rarely use it, and when we do it's for purely practical purposes like checking how someone's journey is going and when they are likely to arrive etc. Definitely not out of idle curiosity, which is weird and I wouldn't like at all.

On balance, given that you are also being tracked by association, YANBU to tell your DH to switch off sharing with his sister when you are together. What he chooses to do when he is out alone is up to him.

Are you sure you want to have a baby with this man? He sounds immature and enmeshed with his family, and you are far from home. What would be your rights if you wanted to return home with the baby?

I didn't even know this was a thing.

Isn't it Snapchat?

I thought only teenagers used that??

Can't he just switch it off for the ivf appointments ?I think yabu it's really weird anyone tracking somebody else, but since you're happy to do it with him then it seems more like you're jealous of his relationship with his sister.

You and DSiL sound jealous of each others relationship with your DH and he sounds easily manipulated by the both of you and somewhat puerile and disrespectful (if he's moaning to her that you're asking him to stop smoking weed - presumably prior to starting ivf?) I'd be pissed off if he was talking about like that to his DS and not sure I would consider the stress of IVF with him. His whole family will know your medical appointments - that's a lot of extra pressure.
You need to talk through expectations on both sides.

I wouldn't like this, but neither would my husband. Id be doing some thinking about how well, or otherwise you and your husband are generally before having children. He doesn't sound great blaming you for things.

Why are you planning to have children with a man whose preference would be to smoke weed daily “like a teenager” ? He only doesn’t because you “won’t let him” and clearly bitches about this to his family..? Aren’t you concerned he will be resentful and possibly not want the extra responsibilities? Is he expecting you to do the heavy lifting re childcare?

She sounds like a stalker! What a weirdo. I'm not against location sharing as it might be helpful in an emergency, but I wouldn't expect it to be checked regularly or be quizzed about where I am. That's overstepped hugely.

Your husband sounds awful. Why is he allowing his sister to disrespect you? He should have your back and shut down any comments. He certainly shouldn't be complaining about you to her. This will definitely get worse when children come along.

Are you sure he's the best choice of man to bring a baby into the world with?

I would hate it but I also wouldn't track my own husband

she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

How was your SIL the disrespectful one in this scenario? She only asked where you guys were. It was your husband who mocked you.

You seem to have an issue with your husband and his sister being close which just reveals your own insecurity.

You haven’t listed a single thing SIL did that was wrong.

It is his phone. It is his sister, who he PROACTIVELY added after she deleted him. You don’t have the right to demand who he shares his location with.

The only thing you can do is refuse to be with him so his contacts don’t know you’re there too.

You can do it with Find my iPhone. We have it on between us (with DH and older DC) and due to the nature of my husband’s job and the kids safety we find it useful.
OP, do you feel jealous of your DH relationship with his sister? We’re really laid back in my family so I could imagine my DH saying something like “She’s dragged me out shopping in the rain ffs” and we’d all find it quite funny. But I absolutely would not like my SIL who I adore to know my every movements and would insist my DH turns it off when he’s with me. Other than that, I couldn’t get worked up about it.

No it’s not, it’s to be able to locate them occasionally for a practical purpose or an emergency.

It’s very weird OP and I wouldn’t put up with it either.

this. The IVF situation may not have occurred to him

I share my location with some family on Snapchat.

I set myself in ‘ghost’ mode when I’m somewhere fun that I know some family wanted to go too as well but I couldn’t be arsed to organise everyone to go together 🤣

SIL sounds odd - I am a nosey bugger and even I wouldn't care to check where people are as a general thing.

DH and I have it but have only used it when he is out and he hasn't made contact for a while as he usually does. If he is showing as near a pub then I know all is well

he doesnt care to do IVF - the whole reason i need IVF is because he wont/cant stop smoking weed.

and you want a child with him?

Well on one hand it’s up to him how he shares things with his family…
But on the other hand, what sort of batshit crazy family have you married into?!?!? 🤣🤣🤣

I’ll leave aside the ivf discussion.

The only time I location share is when driving to meet someone when it’s far or busy enough that they need regular updates either for mealtimes or to meet me outside. So just for that journey. Other than that it’s weird to track other adults.

that was my view, but apparently im the physco wife now that has a problem with it - i find it very strange that my brother would ever ask where i am going if he saw my location move.