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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

155 replies

louisewellsx37 · 27/01/2025 15:50

I recently moved to my husbands country and it is very common to share locations with friends family. I admit I thought this was/is strange too... but he has 5-6 of his friends and his sisters so wasn't a big deal. We have each others and its actually pretty handy knowing when he is on his way home from work (for dinner purposes), seeing if he is working late, or for him to see if im safe walking the dogs in the forest alone etc etc. so all in all kinda handy. problem is, his sister occasionally comments on his location eg recently we took a roadtrip and it was snowing, and she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

problem is, after her comments on where we are at, and winding up my husband for no good reason, i find uncomfortable. even yesterday we were due to go to dinner at a family members house but changed our mind, and she has his location so we can't even say we got held up at work etc. I just find it an invasion of privacy, but was happy to keep quiet and go along with it until she started making her comments on the places we travel too...

AIBU? she recently deleted my husbands location (GREAT!!) because he had it turned off for a few days because he was fed up with it all, and because he turned it off she deleted him (as if to say well i will delete you then, if you don't share it!) - anywho, what annoyed me more was he added her back after a few days. I asked him why when he knew that i did not want her having it, he said he doesnt see the issue, why do i care, and makes out i am starting an argument and says he can have his familys location if he wants too.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MellowCritic · 31/01/2025 09:34

stayathomer · 31/01/2025 09:29

Op she’s his family and they’re close- I’d hate my husband telling me what I can do and say to my sister. She’s also kind of your family too now, especially if you have a child, she’s going to be their Aunty, life is going to be one giant battle if you think about everything this much

Why does it fall to op to be the one who puts her feelings aside ? Why shouldn't the sil back off? I'm genuinely asking you, I'm not trying to be rude but I don't understand why you can't see the sil behaviour isn't reasonable and op has the right to be happy in her environment, if the sil is constantly checking their location and making comments, that's not on and it's not healthy to suggest to the op that' she's the one who's overthinking it. The family can be close, they can share location, but why does it have to be taken this far ? Sometimes it's the ppl with poor behaviour that need to stop not the person who has had enough.

JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 09:36

MellowCritic · 31/01/2025 09:29

When you put it like that, its hard to disagree, and yes it comes across as control if op wants him to stop sharing ... the flip side of it is.. the sister is over stepping and acting obsessed over her grown brothers location , he has a wife and the sister and ops husband are also having little convos at ops expense, yes no doubt they see it as not a big deal.. what's the harm? What did we say that was that bad.. its not a big deal but reasonable ppl don't behave in this way. I'm sorry but it's immature and off putting

Edited
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It's only obsessive if he thinks it is. My friend thinks it's obsessive that I text back and forth my partner a few times a day while he works. We both want and expect these messages so to us it isn't at all. The only true measure of it being obsessive is if it stops her doing the things she needs to be doing. It doesn't sound like sister is leading a dysfunctional life as such so we can't say that.

GiveMeSpanakopita · 31/01/2025 09:37

I never share my location with anyone and the only members of my family I digitally track are my dogs!

Like so much info sharing on social media it's usually unnecessary and just leads to unnecessary grief and aggro.

lazyarse123 · 31/01/2025 09:40

I'd be more worried about having a baby with someone who can't function without weed. But the location thing would also put me off.

Christmassoxs · 31/01/2025 09:40

I would be rethinking the whole relationship tbh, I wouldn't be having a baby with this man that's for certain. Sil sounds a bit stalker-ish tbh. The whole tracking set up is weird to my thinking.
You 'won't let' him on certain and he shows a degree of disrespect to you, with his nosy sis being the third wheel in the marriage.
Have a dc and it will only get worse imo.

MellowCritic · 31/01/2025 09:44

JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 09:36

It's only obsessive if he thinks it is. My friend thinks it's obsessive that I text back and forth my partner a few times a day while he works. We both want and expect these messages so to us it isn't at all. The only true measure of it being obsessive is if it stops her doing the things she needs to be doing. It doesn't sound like sister is leading a dysfunctional life as such so we can't say that.

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Again hard to disagree with you but lol...that's your partner. We are talking about siblings, its not the same if op isn't happy about the comments and the constant questions.. I've think you have over cooked this with the its only an issue if the sister is leading a dysfunctional life but that's your opinion and you're entitled to that. Me on the other hand , I don't think they need to turn location off. I don't think they can't be close and they can speak over text when ever they like but I don't agree with checking their location constantly and making comments. Grow up and don't interfere in absolutely everything they are doing. Know some boundaries for crying out loud..

XiCi · 31/01/2025 09:46
  1. Your reaction to the location sharing is massively over the top. I can't imagine that it would bother most people at all. In any case it's up to your DP and sister if they want to do that
  2. Absolutely crazy to go ahead with IVF with a partner that has told you he does not want to do it
JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 09:48

MellowCritic · 31/01/2025 09:44

Again hard to disagree with you but lol...that's your partner. We are talking about siblings, its not the same if op isn't happy about the comments and the constant questions.. I've think you have over cooked this with the its only an issue if the sister is leading a dysfunctional life but that's your opinion and you're entitled to that. Me on the other hand , I don't think they need to turn location off. I don't think they can't be close and they can speak over text when ever they like but I don't agree with checking their location constantly and making comments. Grow up and don't interfere in absolutely everything they are doing. Know some boundaries for crying out loud..

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I guess I think it isn't your right to tell your partner how to lead their life and handle their familial relationships. If the way someone is with their family is a deal breaker for you, let it break you up. You don't get to impose your values on someone else by declaring that it's obsessive or whatever.

It's healthy to know where you end and where your partner begins. If the sister was tracking the OP, that would be different. She's tracking a whole other individual: her brother/OP's partner.

Scirocco · 31/01/2025 09:58

In relation to IVF - criteria may be different where you are, I don't know, but active use of cannabis and smoking (any form) can be exclusion criteria. It's not unusual for couples to be told their treatment cannot start or will be put on hold (or even that they can't progress on to a waiting list) until they've demonstrated that they're both abstinent (and this is checked). Your DH's cannabis use could prevent IVF treatment going ahead until he quits, even if it's legal to use it where you are.

spacepies · 31/01/2025 10:01

Its up to him op you sound like your becoming controlling.
He was like this before you met you know all this but still went with him.

WoolySnail · 31/01/2025 10:03

I'd be getting out of this shit show pronto

Negroany · 31/01/2025 10:13

louisewellsx37 · 27/01/2025 16:08

well clearly not, that's why i feel uncomfortable about her constantly monitoring my husbands location, and most of the time i am with him so mine too. we want to start IVF soon, is she going to know each time we are at the hospital? I don't feel comfortable with it at all...

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Tell him to leave his phone at home for those visits.

DevilledEgg · 31/01/2025 10:14

Unless you live somewhere really dangerous the location sharing is ridiculous in any situation except for if you're going wilderness hiking.
If people ain't getting mugged at knifepoint or carjacked or kidnapped it's a wholly unnecessary practice.

beAsensible1 · 31/01/2025 10:17

I think this is a personal choice. And up to your husband unfortunately.

just tell the truth to family if you want to flake on something.

I can see why it’s annoying and I wouldn’t do it. But if my DP does or doesn’t isn’t really
my concern, because he’s an adult.

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 31/01/2025 10:18

User67556 · 28/01/2025 08:23

He sounds immature and a bit odd with an odd intense relationship with his sister. The weed smoking (just the fact he wants to smoke it daily and jokes about it behind your back) would be enough to not want to be in a relationship with him. I'd leave them to it and bin him off. Don't have a baby with this loser.

This. Honestly you are hoping his behaviour will improve when he has a kid with you? He's already a busted flush OP.

beAsensible1 · 31/01/2025 10:21

louisewellsx37 · 29/01/2025 01:32

How does it get worse with children. I actually thought that would give me more family and allow myself to distance myself more eg always be busy, kid parties, kid appointments etc.

also you’re right, her deleting him because he removed his location for a while is punishment for removing his location. It’s sick.

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Can you not be busy and have distance by creating a life/job and making friends.

are you having a baby so you have something to do? With a man who isn’t interested in ivf?

why does the weed mean you need ivf?

DevilledEgg · 31/01/2025 10:24

beAsensible1 · 31/01/2025 10:17

I think this is a personal choice. And up to your husband unfortunately.

just tell the truth to family if you want to flake on something.

I can see why it’s annoying and I wouldn’t do it. But if my DP does or doesn’t isn’t really
my concern, because he’s an adult.

It is her concern though when it's impacting her. I'd be furious if I had a personal appointment and the wider family knew because of dh location sharing. Or if I had pushy parents that don't take no for an answer and I said I was working so can't go for tea with them. But suddenly they know I'm not cause we've gone to the beach instead and the locations on. Like, privacy is allowed. Fair enough to put it on for safety when youre in a vulnerable situation, but all day every day is excessive.

If it was a husband tracking a wife there would be uproar

Yalta · 31/01/2025 10:25

Could you give his phone to a friendly uber driver to drive around with for the day

Tell her you thought she would enjoy the entertainment then suggest she should get a life and stop being so nosy looking at people’s locations all the time

Or leave his phone at home then pay her a visit

People have to realise that find my iPhone only tells you where the iPhone is and not the person

beAsensible1 · 31/01/2025 10:36

DevilledEgg · 31/01/2025 10:24

It is her concern though when it's impacting her. I'd be furious if I had a personal appointment and the wider family knew because of dh location sharing. Or if I had pushy parents that don't take no for an answer and I said I was working so can't go for tea with them. But suddenly they know I'm not cause we've gone to the beach instead and the locations on. Like, privacy is allowed. Fair enough to put it on for safety when youre in a vulnerable situation, but all day every day is excessive.

If it was a husband tracking a wife there would be uproar

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Yes but he has chosen to put it back on. So he’s not bothered.

all OP can do I say for of etc can he turn it off. But he’s always done it, so it’s not new information.

JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 10:40

I think if it were a husband saying that his wife's siblings shouldn't be tracking her with her consent, he'd be destroyed here

Polkadotbabushka · 31/01/2025 10:41

It’s great for safety reasons but not to stalk someone like she is! It’s weird!!

Lotsofsnacks · 31/01/2025 10:46

Your relationship doesn’t sound great after reading the updates!

Yalta · 31/01/2025 10:51

Polkadotbabushka · 31/01/2025 10:41

It’s great for safety reasons but not to stalk someone like she is! It’s weird!!

Maybe start calling her your dh’s stalker

Ceecee2422 · 31/01/2025 10:58

I think he is probably right and you’re letting it effect you too much, I would just let them get on with it, brothers and sisters are always going to have that type of banter together, he probably didn’t really mean to blame you but just forgot himself……just make sure the banter isn’t at your expense and he knows that and then leave them to it…….

Original poster
louisewellsx37 · 31/01/2025 15:30

CosyLemur · 31/01/2025 08:03

I'm guessing it's an app like live 360 where if you have notifications turned on for one person they're turned on for everyone. Personally I don't need a notification every time my partner leaves somewhere or an hourly update but I have it turned on for the kids so it's turned on for him too.

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no - i dont think its notifications i generally think she just looks to see where everyone is hourly

OP posts: