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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

155 replies

louisewellsx37 · 27/01/2025 15:50

I recently moved to my husbands country and it is very common to share locations with friends family. I admit I thought this was/is strange too... but he has 5-6 of his friends and his sisters so wasn't a big deal. We have each others and its actually pretty handy knowing when he is on his way home from work (for dinner purposes), seeing if he is working late, or for him to see if im safe walking the dogs in the forest alone etc etc. so all in all kinda handy. problem is, his sister occasionally comments on his location eg recently we took a roadtrip and it was snowing, and she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

problem is, after her comments on where we are at, and winding up my husband for no good reason, i find uncomfortable. even yesterday we were due to go to dinner at a family members house but changed our mind, and she has his location so we can't even say we got held up at work etc. I just find it an invasion of privacy, but was happy to keep quiet and go along with it until she started making her comments on the places we travel too...

AIBU? she recently deleted my husbands location (GREAT!!) because he had it turned off for a few days because he was fed up with it all, and because he turned it off she deleted him (as if to say well i will delete you then, if you don't share it!) - anywho, what annoyed me more was he added her back after a few days. I asked him why when he knew that i did not want her having it, he said he doesnt see the issue, why do i care, and makes out i am starting an argument and says he can have his familys location if he wants too.

AIBU?

OP posts:
custardpyjamas · 18/02/2025 15:06

Get him a second phone to share locations on, so if you are doing something private he leaves that one at home.

AccidentalTourism · 18/02/2025 15:14

Masmavi · 29/01/2025 01:18

Your husband's family is enmeshed. Normal families in any culture don't need to know each other's location every minute of the day. His sister's reaction to him turning off his location tells you all you need to know. As a couple you should draw strict boundaries with his family. This will not change and will get much worse, especially if you have children later. Ask me how I know 🙄

This
Ask me how I know too...

louisewellsx37 · 18/02/2025 15:16

AccidentalTourism · 18/02/2025 15:14

This
Ask me how I know too...

did you succeed in setting boundaries? @AccidentalTourism @Masmavi my fiance finds it easier to make out im crazy than to inflict boundaries and call out their poor emeshed behaviour

OP posts:
AccidentalTourism · 18/02/2025 15:32

I left and never looked back.

DeathNote11 · 22/02/2025 17:57

JustAskingThisQ · 12/02/2025 08:44

What I know is that a man wants to share his life with his family he's known all his life and some person he met as a partner is trying to obstruct that.

The husband is perfectly comfortable with his relationship with his sibling. The only person who is in danger of abusing him is the OP who is trying to isolate him from his preferred relationship with his family.

You're right, many victims are perfectly comfortable in their codependency, which is what he & sister are to each other, codependents. She wants control, he feeds her, they're happy. But that is THEIR arrangement, & it now doesn't work because OP doesn't want to be a feeder & she absolutely doesn't have to be.

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