For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

[louisewellsx37]

I recently moved to my husbands country and it is very common to share locations with friends family. I admit I thought this was/is strange too... but he has 5-6 of his friends and his sisters so wasn't a big deal. We have each others and its actually pretty handy knowing when he is on his way home from work (for dinner purposes), seeing if he is working late, or for him to see if im safe walking the dogs in the forest alone etc etc. so all in all kinda handy. problem is, his sister occasionally comments on his location eg recently we took a roadtrip and it was snowing, and she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

problem is, after her comments on where we are at, and winding up my husband for no good reason, i find uncomfortable. even yesterday we were due to go to dinner at a family members house but changed our mind, and she has his location so we can't even say we got held up at work etc. I just find it an invasion of privacy, but was happy to keep quiet and go along with it until she started making her comments on the places we travel too...

AIBU? she recently deleted my husbands location (GREAT!!) because he had it turned off for a few days because he was fed up with it all, and because he turned it off she deleted him (as if to say well i will delete you then, if you don't share it!) - anywho, what annoyed me more was he added her back after a few days. I asked him why when he knew that i did not want her having it, he said he doesnt see the issue, why do i care, and makes out i am starting an argument and says he can have his familys location if he wants too.

AIBU?

But more effective risk management is available.

with no children you are more free to make your own choices including leaving, even to the extent of moving countries. Once you have another human being that you are responsiblefor, things get a lot more difficult including legally depending on the laws in your country of residence. I Mean THINK for goodness sake.

How does it suddenly get BETTER with children, answer that! Go read literally any of the thousands of posts here about trying to parent when the husband takes the in laws side. They’ll be in all your business, not just your hospital appointments. What happens when he shares his location that he’s at the hospital and you’re giving birth? Then his mum and sister show up and they take over as your birthing partners while he takes a walk to smoke weed and calm down from all the stress of you giving birth.. and if you try and say no, but he insists..

Raising the child you then rely on his mum/sister because he isn’t helping much at all. He convinces you it’s only fair SIS have access to your location 24/7 as really, she is like another parent to your DC.

Then you decide actually, you really want to move back home to your own country and for your child to have ties there and with your family. But he says no, his family are there and need to be involved. You can’t just leave, he has parental rights. You feel totally trapped for at least 18 years. But what then? 18 years later your child only knows DH’s country as home and doesn’t want to leave with you. So either you stay there forever or create a bigger distance with your child.

There are a million scenarios, these are just the first ones I plucked. Have a long hard think.

This 100%

1000%

How does it get worse when you have a child and tie yourself forever to a man overseas, who is nicer when he's smoking weed than when he's straight, and his carcrash of a zero boundaries family situation, and didn't want the baby in the first place?

For a start off that's you going nowhere for the next 18 years as you won't be able to leave the country without his permission. I can't think of much that's more depressing than resorting to IVF with a partner that can't be arsed to even pretend to want the child you're jumping through hoops to create.

Think about it.

I'm guessing it's an app like live 360 where if you have notifications turned on for one person they're turned on for everyone. Personally I don't need a notification every time my partner leaves somewhere or an hourly update but I have it turned on for the kids so it's turned on for him too.

As ever with this sort of thread, the initial issue in the op is not the real issue in the relationship. Op my advice would be “don’t have a baby with this man”.

How on earth are you thinking this is a good situation to bring a child into?

I hate location sharing. DH asked me to install it when I went on a weekend abroad alone and it was so annoying. I deleted it as soon as I got back.

I'd delete it from my phone. DH can keep it if he wants to but I'd be asking him to disable it for hospital appointments.

I use location sharing with my family. We do not look to see where each other is going. We may only look to see are they nearly home etc if for a reason. The sister sounds controlling and weird. Also now you are together you are both the only people that need to know location and then children when you have them. What is the purpose of other people knowing his location? None I imagine. It’s just intrusive.

@louisewellsx37 there are some lovely normal men in the world who don’t smoke weed and have healthy relationships with family.
Get out now before you’re tied down with a baby.

Insist he switches it off if you are going to doctors apts or anything else you would prefer to remain private since she can’t respect your privacy as a couple.

edit. Just saw the weed update

This. You would be mad to have a child with him.

Yes this is weird, my DH shares our amazon prime with his mum and sometimes she’ll ring up and say “why have you ordered this?” It’s none of her business and it really pisses me off but my DH won’t take her off it.

Having kids makes so many more family obligations . I live in DHs country. We have a family birthday celebration every 10 minutes it seems, with mandatory attendance. Having a kids makes you 10 times more emmeshed and tied down to obligations . some people love this. Others…. Not so much

Tell him he’ll have to leave his phone at home on those days!

Who told you that? Pretty sure you can still have kids when you smoke weed … plenty do!

Bit you will be tied to him and his family forever … and they will know it

Im sorry your DH and his sister sound awful. You are having a baby for all the wrong reasons and it’s downright irresponsible to bring a baby into this dysfunctional set up. Don’t have a baby to fix your problems

It's obviously his choice but when his choice affects you then there needs to be a common ground.

With the IVF, you need to tell him, you don't want your sister in law knowing you are attending the hospital so he either turns his location off or he leaves his phone at home so she thinks that's where he is.

What country is this?? Seems strange a whole coutry does this. It must be his family/friends, not a country thing...

I'd hate this

Having children puts pressure on a relationship. Going through IVF puts huge pressure on - it is TOUGH.
Don’t do this with an addict, please.

The messed up family enmeshment is a whole side story, really.

Op she’s his family and they’re close- I’d hate my husband telling me what I can do and say to my sister. She’s also kind of your family too now, especially if you have a child, she’s going to be their Aunty, life is going to be one giant battle if you think about everything this much

When you put it like that, its hard to disagree, and yes it comes across as control if op wants him to stop sharing ... the flip side of it is.. the sister is over stepping and acting obsessed over her grown brothers location , he has a wife and the sister and ops husband are also having little convos at ops expense, yes no doubt they see it as not a big deal.. what's the harm? What did we say that was that bad.. its not a big deal but reasonable ppl don't behave in this way. I'm sorry but it's immature and off putting

It's up to him surely. It's his family, not strangers or a random woman. In a way you sound quite controlling and generally at risk of creating a weird vibe with his family like you're trying to isolate him from those close relationships. Maybe you need to try harder.