For asking my husband to stop sharing his live location with his sister?

[louisewellsx37]

I recently moved to my husbands country and it is very common to share locations with friends family. I admit I thought this was/is strange too... but he has 5-6 of his friends and his sisters so wasn't a big deal. We have each others and its actually pretty handy knowing when he is on his way home from work (for dinner purposes), seeing if he is working late, or for him to see if im safe walking the dogs in the forest alone etc etc. so all in all kinda handy. problem is, his sister occasionally comments on his location eg recently we took a roadtrip and it was snowing, and she decides to text him "where the hell are you going in the snow?" and i saw his reply weeks later kind of mocking me saying "she has decided to go on a roadtrip", she being me, and her saying "haha good luck".... I find this utterly disrespectful but that is in the past and has been spoken about (to both of them). This sister often crosses boundaries and admits she hourly checks everyones locations.

problem is, after her comments on where we are at, and winding up my husband for no good reason, i find uncomfortable. even yesterday we were due to go to dinner at a family members house but changed our mind, and she has his location so we can't even say we got held up at work etc. I just find it an invasion of privacy, but was happy to keep quiet and go along with it until she started making her comments on the places we travel too...

AIBU? she recently deleted my husbands location (GREAT!!) because he had it turned off for a few days because he was fed up with it all, and because he turned it off she deleted him (as if to say well i will delete you then, if you don't share it!) - anywho, what annoyed me more was he added her back after a few days. I asked him why when he knew that i did not want her having it, he said he doesnt see the issue, why do i care, and makes out i am starting an argument and says he can have his familys location if he wants too.

AIBU?

OP have you got ANY reason to stay?

And you think him sharing his location is your biggest tissue?

I’m sorry but if he can’t give up weed in order to conceive the child how do you think he’s going to parent?? He doesn’t seem to want this child. I’m actually dumbfounded at going through IVF because he can’t stop using drugs… Really think about that. What the fuck are you doing?

I share my location with my siblings and parents. I do sometimes look at it but it's more from missing them and just thinking oh I'll check where they are now. I like to see the little dots on the map and it makes me feel connected to them somehow.
Sometimes if they're somewhere interesting and I'll message them.

I think the location tracking is fairly innocuous and I don't find it weird. From what you've said though you don't have a great relationship and his sibling is picking up on it. Your problem is with him not her.

Well, once you’ve had the IVF baby that your husband can’t be arsed with you’ll be trapped in his country with a waste of space husband and his relatives that know your every move.

What was the point of marrying him ?

I think it's up to your husband.

I share my location with my siblings and would be annoyed if my husband said he didn't want me to.

I'm not personally a fan of all the tracking - my parents and siblings use it between each other but DH and I only share our locations temporarily for specific reasons.

But tracking is the norm in your DH's family, you're fine with it with everyone else, and the rest of your posts suggest that you just dislike this sister (though honestly it seems like you're using her as a scapegoat for some relationship issues of your own) and this is targeted at her to an unreasonable degree. The specific examples you gave shouldn't have gotten your back up the way they did. So YABU. If you want to ask your DH to turn off tracking or leave his phone at home during your IVF appointments that's fine, but asking him to turn off tracking just for his sister all the time is not reasonable.

I mean this changes the whole focus of the discussion.

I had voted YABU because it is between him and his sister. I mean, I wouldn't share my location with a stalker, but if my dh wanted to share his location with his sister, I'd think that was between the two of them.
I was going to say, why not sit down with your dh and talk about how you want to keep the IVF and the hospital appointments between just the two of you, and therefore see if he would remove the 'permission to stalk' but, now I just have to join others in asking why on earth you would want to create a baby with an addict ?

Yeah man you have bigger problems than the location sharing 🫤

in this country it’s honestly seen as medicine. He mocks me for having an issue with it. He’s like oohhh weed the devil weeeed. Hes honestly a nicer person on it so. I have put limits in to just do weekends. But at this point, you’re right if he can’t give up weed for a baby he obviously doesn’t want one.

Your husband's family is enmeshed. Normal families in any culture don't need to know each other's location every minute of the day. His sister's reaction to him turning off his location tells you all you need to know. As a couple you should draw strict boundaries with his family. This will not change and will get much worse, especially if you have children later. Ask me how I know 🙄

How does it get worse with children. I actually thought that would give me more family and allow myself to distance myself more eg always be busy, kid parties, kid appointments etc.

also you’re right, her deleting him because he removed his location for a while is punishment for removing his location. It’s sick.

It sounds like you're having a baby to fix your life.

That's not a good reason to bring an innocent life into the world.

What country are you living in? I couldn’t cope with anyone tracking my movements on a daily basis yet many on Mumsnet consider this completely normal and coming out with nonsense about knowing what time to put the dinner on. Tracking someone’s movements is both intrusive and completely abnormal.

Yeah nah, the child will be their relative and you just it's mother. You'll find they'll be even more involved and enmeshed and you more trapped.

I was coming here to say this! Maybe you should review the whole tracking system... I understand you want to feel safer out for walks alone, but surely it's a turn on when needed thing rather than sharing location all the time!?

You don't have any right whatsoever to try and tell your husband who he can share his location with. The more you use words like "normal" to him, the more you will seem like the hypercontrolling person. If you don't like this man and his weed habit and his close family, leave him alone.

He's a nicer person when he's on weed? So he's not nice when he's sober? If you don't even get on unless he's stoned why on earth would you want to have a child with this loser? FGS find someone better, an equal partner, someone who cares for you and supports you as much as you care for them. This current relationship is all one sided. He wont give up weed because he doesn't really want a baby with you. And please don't use an elastoplast baby to paper over the cracks in your relationship.

She sounds nuts but in my family we see each others location - some 10 people (think mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts and friends) in various countries via FindFriends on Apple devices but no one abuses it like your SIL. I'm also aware teenagers already see each other's location by default on their snapchats (my 16yo daughter showed me).

This is so weird. Of course he should turn it off if you don't want to be tracked all the time by your in laws. It's invasive and completely unnecessary, and that's before the bizarre hourly checking and commenting on where you're going or where you've been.

The sister needs to get a life. Imagine thinking you're fun and chilled, but you track your brother's movements every hour of the day. 🤦‍♀️

Of course she does. She has the right to a private life with her partner. If he accompanied her to the breast clinic, should his sister automatically know about it, while it's happening?

It's not controlling to dislike your partner taking drugs illegally, either, by the way. If he needs cannabis, he should get a prescription.

It's not controlling to dislike it. It's controlling to know he does and badger him to change.

It's not the point of sharing your location at all. Most people only use it for safety reasons if someone's late to meet you or to help find each other if you've got plans. It's there in the background if you ever need it, not there for you to track their every movement.

I don't know why the quote didn't load...

That was supposed to be in reply to @Ablondiebutagoody

If something happened to me, I’d want people to know exactly where I was.

I'd stop meddling with his relationship with his sister. Up to him how they interact. Trying to dictate things like switching off locations feels terribly controlling.
I feel there's more underlying this. Maybe you should explore your feelings about his family relationships. While it's pretty mean of her to imply he'd be better off single (if that's an accurate interpretation), I wonder if you've contributed to some tension in the in-law relationships. For example, cancelling dinner at the last minute and wanting to fabricate an excuse is plain rude. If that's part of a pattern then I can see why your in-laws might get pissed off.