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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL have booked our holiday

373 replies

zara8775 · 27/01/2025 09:47

So, I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive here, but this has really annoyed me. My husband and I went on a lovely holiday last year with our two kids – first proper break since having them – to a small, quiet resort in Greece. We loved it so much we’ve already booked to go again this summer. We’d mentioned this to his parents in passing, as you do, but didn’t go into loads of detail.

Fast forward to last weekend, MIL calls to say they’ve also booked a trip… to the exact same resort. Same dates, same hotel. Apparently, they thought it sounded lovely, so they decided to “tag along.” I honestly don’t know how to feel.

It’s not like we dislike them or anything, but part of what we loved about this place was how peaceful it was – no obligations, no one else to consider. Now I feel like our relaxing family holiday is turning into a big extended-family trip we didn’t ask for. DH thinks it’s “nice” they want to come and says it’ll be “fine,” but I’m fuming. I just feel like they’ve trampled over our plans and didn’t even ask us first.

AIBU to think they should’ve at least checked with us before booking? Or am I overreacting? I need to know if I’m being petty before I make this into A Thing…

OP posts:
Weonlyhavealoanofit · 28/01/2025 17:50

I think I would ask the outlaws how they knew about your holiday dates. I wouldn’t bother asking your husband because if he persists in denying that he briefed them….he really needs to ask his parents for the winning lottery numbers…they must be psychic.

fingerbobz · 28/01/2025 17:52

Are they on the same flights?

Odd how they would know exactly which hotel to book and exactly which dates

Julimia · 28/01/2025 17:54

You are not being petty , they are extremely rude, selfish and thoughtless, with no respect for your precious family unit. Not much you can do now except put down some serious ground rules for this holiday well before you go. MIL here.

LouiseK93 · 28/01/2025 18:01

YNBU. There's a reason she booked it without running it by you first, so you couldn't protest.

TheTavern · 28/01/2025 18:05

My in-laws did that except they didn’t even tell us they had booked. By day two I worked out a strategy. Basically I was deliberately vague about what we were doing, told them we would meet them for lunch and made sure to be a bit late, when they said they wanted to meet us in the morning I booked a kids indoor play centre for 10 for 2 hours which they hated. FIL had to go for a lie down after we got back to the hotel! Got them to babysit one night which surprisingly they didn’t want to do. They only wanted to be around for the happy fun bits.
so my advice is start planning now!

Kitchensinktoday · 28/01/2025 18:15

LouiseK93 · 28/01/2025 18:01

YNBU. There's a reason she booked it without running it by you first, so you couldn't protest.

This

Ariana12 · 28/01/2025 18:16

I don't know how things normally work with your PILs but you might want to cut them some slack here.Your DH will almost certainly have responded positively to them and they might even think he'd run it past you. In your shoes I'd start with him and what message he gave them. If it does turn out to be partly his fault, then maybe for the sake of longterm peace you could find ways of holding the PILs a bit at arm's length on holiday, but also let them have some time with you and your children.

Oldtigernidster · 28/01/2025 18:23

I’d be bloody lived!

Sennelier1 · 28/01/2025 18:24

YA BU, but never ever again mention your travel plans to your in-laws.

godmum56 · 28/01/2025 18:24

Ariana12 · 28/01/2025 18:16

I don't know how things normally work with your PILs but you might want to cut them some slack here.Your DH will almost certainly have responded positively to them and they might even think he'd run it past you. In your shoes I'd start with him and what message he gave them. If it does turn out to be partly his fault, then maybe for the sake of longterm peace you could find ways of holding the PILs a bit at arm's length on holiday, but also let them have some time with you and your children.

all of this plus tearing your husband a new one.

Lostinbrum · 28/01/2025 18:24

We love going on holiday with in laws cos it means we get to do more relaxing and have the odd night on our own out to dinner. But we all get on very well so it's nice not a hardship

Sickdissapointed · 28/01/2025 19:00

IggyAce · 27/01/2025 09:51

YANBU it would have been nice for them to run it past you, my idea of hell is an extended family holiday.
I’d probably set expectations now and state you are disappointed that they didn’t think to check and that you will only be available for a group activity/meal once or twice during the holiday and that you expected them to do their own thing the rest of the time.

I had this kind of interference from my Mil.
All I can offer is advice. Stop this now before it escalates. My marriage crumbled eventually. At the end it was like being in a marriage with my DH and Mil.
Booking this without prior discussion is bang out of order. You need to say so now.

Judecb · 28/01/2025 19:03

They absolutely should have checked with you first, but this could end up working out for you if they are happy to babysit/ look after their grandchildren on a few occasions. I would definitely set some boundaries though and make sure they understand that you won't be spending every minute with them!

Mmr224 · 28/01/2025 19:42

@zara8775 good luck with getting it sorted, I wish you a stress free holiday.

Buffs · 28/01/2025 19:44

YANBU. this is not the holiday you wanted. Moreover, unless you have unlimited funds and free time, a holiday is precious. Your in-laws need to respect this.

Sometimesright · 28/01/2025 19:53

zara8775 · 27/01/2025 11:49

You’re absolutely right, and honestly, reading your reply has given me a bit of a wake-up call. I think I have been too accepting because I didn’t want to rock the boat, but the more I think about it, the angrier I feel. This isn’t the holiday we planned, and I shouldn’t just roll over and let it happen because it’s easier in the short term.

I don’t want to set the precedent that this is okay, because you’re right – if I do, what’s stopping them from doing it again? I need to sit DH down and tell him straight that this isn’t on, and it’s not the holiday I agreed to. If he’s so sure it’s “not a big deal,” then he can help decide whether we cancel or change the dates. Either way, I’m not just going to let this slide – it’s not fair, and it’s not what I want for our holiday. Thanks for giving me the push I needed!

Show quote history

Could you maybe change your dates so you overlap for a night or two? That way they get to spend time with you and you get your alone time .

sellotapestucktomyarse · 28/01/2025 20:20

I know how you feel OP. I’ve had the same thing happen to me recently. I had told my parents we were going away to celebrate a big birthday and arranged for them to look after our animals so they knew our dates. About a month or so ago they ‘surprised’ us and told us they had booked to join us. We were livid. Don’t assume your DH knew because mine was none the wiser. We’ve accepted it is happening but my DP’s will be told it doesn’t happen again. It’s rude

Elhu · 28/01/2025 20:23

Yes it was weird of them not to ask but hey, you'll probably all have a nice time. And they'll be able to stay with the kids while you n hub have some peace.
Look at the positives. No point upsetting everyone. Life's too short.
But next year, make it clear before you tell them anything, that you just want to go on your own! Unless it turns out to be the best holiday ever.

Livelovebehappy · 28/01/2025 20:36

I’m guessing they feel they get on with you so well, that it wouldn’t be an issue. It’s come from a good place, and not a malicious attempt to spoil your holiday. Just probably a bit thoughtless. Maybe just suck it up this time, and for next years holiday, be a bit more vague on dates and destinations.

Gcsunnyside23 · 28/01/2025 20:55

Id have to at the very least set out boundaries for the holiday. I'd want to change out if sheer rage I hadn't been asked but I'm reality I'd not want to massively rock the boat although I would be ok to tell them upfront we want a solo holiday if the asked to come

123teenagerfood · 28/01/2025 21:00

My mother did this to me on my first holiday with my then boyfriend, she thought it would be fun. I changed the dates, at quite an expense and didn't tell her until it was too late for her to change her booking. She was fuming to say the least! Regardless of how well you all get on, it's an imposition and the dynamics of the whole holiday will change.

Airspice · 28/01/2025 21:04

I’d be furious, even if I liked my PIL! I mean, WHO does this?? I’d never encroach on someone else’s holiday like that. It also does sound a bit suss on DH’s part, how did they know the exact dates/resort etc?

Gemmawemma9 · 28/01/2025 21:07

I’d go absolutely mad. They didn’t ask you first because they KNEW what the answer would be. They’ve badly overstepped the boundaries.
if they’d have asked, there might have been a compromise, such as overlapping by a few days or a different hotel. If I were you I’d cancel completely. Serve them right.

asrl78 · 28/01/2025 22:29

I'm late to this discussion but I cannot fathom why anyone would think it is a good idea to invite themselves to a family relative's holiday without any prior discussion first. It smacks of massive entitlement. Are they elderly people who think existing for a couple of decades longer than others entitles them to have everything their own way, and to hell with the consequences to anyone else?

I am not married but I'd love to see someone pull that one on me. Of course you'd be welcome to join me in the Scottish highlands. On day 1, we'll be hiking the South Glen Shiel ridge, it's about 15 miles and a few thousand feet of cumulative ascent, and because it is linear we'll have to park up and cycle eight miles along a primary main road to get to the start, but that will be a good warm up. It will take 10-11 hours so we'll be on our way around 6:30 am, don't be late. 😆

Flossflower · 28/01/2025 22:38

@asrl78
Good luck with the ridge and hope you get good weather for it. I did the first 4 munros from the east about 10 years ago but we had to come down hen we were surrounded by mist.