hi and thx for listening. Sorry for long post.,I really need balanced advise here..
been with my partner a few years now. We are both in our mid and late 50’s. We are v happy and we both have reasonably decent jobs. We are getting married in the summer. We have both been single parents for long periods of time, Up until now, we have maintained separate homes and see each other most weekends and go on family trips together. We all generally get on.
my kids are 13 and 30. 30 yo lives on his own and has done since a few years after uni. So I live alone with my young teenage daughter.
his kids are 29, 25 & 17. All live at home. I must add they are lovely kids and they do adore me and vv.
all kids get on…
partner and I are about to buy a house. He wants to get a 5-6 bed to accommodate all kids. I’m not so sure. I’m happy to live with him and our teenagers but that’s it. Besides, the strive to get a larger house will be a stretch on finances which I think will affect me too,
Am I being unreasonable?. Am I being selfish?.
the truth is I do not want to live with his adult kids. I feel it might strain the relationship, I want to be the woman of my house. his eldest is a female and is currently the madam of their household and is used to doing things her way, for example I will certainly feel uncomfortable to tell her to do dishes if she leaves them in the sink etc
both older kids are working. The oldest one has a professional job. No 2 finished his masters 2 years ago and is still seeking a grad job but is working non the less.
i have expressed my concerns to DH. He wants them to live with us but says that if they don't want to, its fine. He is financially responsible for them and as far as I know and he pays all the bills. He feels that I should not have any worries. After all, it is his house and if they don’t like his decisions, they should be free to fend for themselves. He feels that if they are under his roof, then they have to play by his rules ie he does not see them as adults if they still live with him.
It’s so complicated that I might just keep the relationship as is. I don’t want to cause any rifts. Plus he comes from a culture where kids never leave home unless they decide to themselves or get married.
any advise please? Thank you