To think this shouldn't be said to nursery children

[Stich2]

If they're crying. 'stop crying, you're fine'?

This thread is actually scary.
I come from a country where its still acceptable to give a child a smack on their bottoms. I thought Britain is a bit more advanced in childrearing then what I read on this thread about how its ok to handle a crying child.

its not ok to decide for someone else how they feel or to dismiss their feelings. especially inappropriate with a small child who is just starting to grasp their emotions and being told they are to stop them

I am not saying to say this that statement I am just telling you that's what I was told and it never done me any harm and no I would say that to my child. But if there was a child who was whiney and didn't like the answer no then I'm sorry they would be asked to stop crying.

Sadly, careers in childcare, especially nursery provision are undervalued and underpaid, this means you often get a mix of staff who are variously qualified and/or generally suitable.

It is about time we started promoting childcare roles as a viable and well paid career, attracting those that are well qualified and suitable.

Bloody ridiculous and there’s too much of this namby-pambying

and that nambey pambying as you put it may prevent having teenagers and adults who are unable to express their emotions and instead become angry or anxious

no need to make a fuss, just allow a child to have feelings

Depends on context - child has cut their knee, they have have been comforted, had it cleaned and dressed if needed - absolutely fine.
Child has just cut their knee, it's bleeding still- not fine.

They shouldn't be there then!

If you want nurseries to only employ people who are never going to be curt or irritable, then there won't be any nurseries left.

There comes a point where the adult doesn’t have to keep providing comfort, but telling a child not to have their feeling is wrong. They get to be sad or angry sometimes even if it isn’t logical. So do adults.

the key is to model that sometimes, we have to take a moment to get our emotions under control. Other people aren’t responsible for fixing them.

After a reasonable amount of attention, it would be better for an adult to say that it’s ok to be upset, but there is nothing that can be done to change things, so when you are ready, you can join us doing the next activity. Let the child be in charge of how long they decide to wallow instead of invalidating their feelings.

What so even child abusers! You used the word "Anyone" before you accuse me of twisting things!

littleluncheon · Today 14:14
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Your expectations for nursery care are too high.
It's stressful and boring being in a room of crying toddlers all day.
Nursery staff will be curt and irritable on occasion

Really? If someone finds being in a roomful of toddlers all day “stressful and boring”, I’d suggest it’s not the job for them.

Thank you, thats nicely explained.

So people seem on here seem to be so triggered by the OP. And the fact they someone dares to suggest that telling a child to stop crying isnt appropriate. People, you were dismissed one way or another as children, thats why its so triggering to you. Otherwise you would have been able to have compassion with a crying child.

I can understand why a teacher may say it but it’s not an ideal reaction imho. It is never a good move to invalidate anyone’s feelings especially a young child who is obviously not ‘fine’. It’s a form of gaslighting.
I would be to acknowledge the child’s feelings and then provide reassurance such ‘ I know you are sad mummy is not here, shall we go and do . . . ‘ empathy and distraction would be my tools of choice in this situation.

I was not thinking about harm to the adult, though I’m not sure that if they were unable to feel with a young child that that would cause them harm? Or are you saying that an adult not being able to feel with a child is automatically harming the child? Not sure how you’d be able to tell. It’s not obvious a child would necessarily know whether an adult could feel with them, or that that a one of incident wouldn’t be easily adjusted to. How are you defining harm?

But also, I didn’t say you don’t feel with the child in distress when you tell them they’re fine. Pointing out that they are fine, that they are safe, not hurt, with people who take care of them, etc. doesn’t mean you can’t feel for them being tired and overwhelmed, etc.

As a parent I'm curt and irritable sometimes, it's only highly usual nursery would be too.

It depends on the context but I don't think it's a bad thing to say. My 2 year old deliberately put paint on his hair, cried when I tried to get it off and then threw a tantrum when I wouldn't allow him more paint to put on his hair. There was absolutely no me trying to validate his feelings on this and I told him to stop crying he was fine. I'm pretty sure he's not going to be traumatised by this.

There are SO many situations where you wouldn't say to an adult what you would to a child so this is silly to say.

Would you tell an adult to blow on their food its hot? Or go to sleep now? Or dont eat that snail? (actually happened to me and my son)

Context and intent matter. My son has no father or male influence in his life. I feel it is important i play nurturer and toughen upper equally as much as i can. Cuddles and love. Rough and tumble. Building resilience but allowing feelings to be expressed.

Or dont eat that snail?

really, you've seen adults picking up snails and popping them in their mouths?

and of course if I served really hot food or drinks I would tell the adult that its hot so mind themselves

Same 😂

I remember as a youngster those kids that did the fake cry to get attention and got told this, it was painful to listen to and I was thankful their mum got them to stop the awful noise - its a bit different fro a 2 year old at nursery genuinely crying

😂😂😂😂😂

I work in a nursery and this very much depends on the context and tone. I work with older children from 2yrs 8 months so it's different, but we do tell children to stop crying. Emotional regulation is a very important element of social development and being permitted to cry, scream, or whine whenever you feel the urge is not good for a child because it shows they are not learning to regulate. We also have to balance the needs of the other children, a loud sound or consistent moany sound in a confined space can be really stressful not just for the adults but the other children, some of whom may have auditory sensory processing issues and it wouldn't be fair on anyone. If a child misses Mummy and needs a little snuggle they get one, if they hurt themselves they cry for a moment and are comforted but these events only last a minute or so. A child crying persistently without cause has to learn this is not acceptable behaviour.

What struck me when I began this job (after raising my own) is how immediately the majority of children can stop. They are often much more in control than we give them credit for. Most children will stop if given an incentive, like 'stop crying please and you can come help me open this box' or 'if you can stop crying please we'll go for a little walk'. All that said the staff should not be snappy and rude but everyone has their limits. If someone is consistently like this I would be concerned.

I don't see why not. I say it to my 3 year old. It's usually when he's gone on and on about something he wants, like the tv to be on, and is just crying to get what he wants though. I wouldn't say it if he was hurt.

I agree @Stich2 they shouldn’t say it. Especially not in a brusque impatient tone.

What an interesting way to completely miss my point, spectacularly.

There is a huge difference between "blow first honey it's hot" adult to child, and "mind this drink is hot miss" adult to adult.

You didnt manage to find a way to twist my reference to telling an adult to go to sleep now. (at a time of your choosing for their own good)

And ok if you want to fanny about re the snail comment let's change my example from that to- when was the last time you told off an adult for reaching for a knife say, or panicked and hollered when they attempted to cross the road without you?

I don't know why im even bothering to explain all this when it's extremely clear what my point was. Crack on love

Might want Daddy. Such a exist comment.