To think this shouldn't be said to nursery children

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If they're crying. 'stop crying, you're fine'?

I’m with you, OP.
If they’re crying then clearly they aren’t and certainly don’t feel ‘fine’.
Their circumstances may appear ‘fine’ from an adult perspective but a bit more reassurance / empathy to help calm them down wouldn’t go amiss imo.

Completely depends.

If you've got a child sitting on the floor alone crying, and there's no attempt to work out what's wrong, just "stop crying, you're fine" then obviously that's not ok.

Alternatively, my 2 year old hit my 5 year old the other day. I told her not to hit. She burst into tears. I don't think I said word for word "stop crying, you're fine" but that was absolutely my general gist.

Was it your child it was said to?

Completely this.
Sometimes, that absolutely wouldn't be ok to say to a child but if the child is whinging and whining, or you know they're fine then absolutely ok!
I remember when I was working in an infant school with a child I didn't really know too well, she was crying and I was trying to pacifier her. One of her classmates said to me that she always cries and cries for nothing.
So it all depends!

It's fine. They need to learn resilience. I feel sorry for parents of young kids these days that they feel they can't say things like this. Unless it's something serious of course!

Yes but why was the child crying in the first place? Because they’d hurt themselves or because they’d been told off for hitting/biting a friend? If you’re not willing to say what actually happened then why bother posting, because no one can give meaningful replies.

What would you like them to say? I assume you work in the nursery and it's a colleague, maybe you could model good practice to them and take over if they are struggling?

I did say just crying because they are tired and want mummy or just generally over whelmed. They are 18 months old

And not said in a reassuring way either

I definitely get what you are saying to a certain extent. But ‘cries and cries for nothing’ isn’t normal for most kids. So clearly something is wrong somewhere for them to feel the need to do that. The cause would almost certainly not be obvious to a peer but as educators or caregivers you have to try to get to the bottom of it. I think your initial response was the right thing to.

No. Not acceptable EVER. I've never said it to my own DD and never would.

No one has ever stopped crying because they've been told to. How does anyone know they're fine? What even is 'fine' if a child is crying there is ALWAYS a reason. Be in they're hurt, feeling ignored, tired, cold, hungry, angry, frustrated. They don'tknoq the child is 'fine'. I'd judge a parent for saying this and nursery workers are paid to care for children so i'd judge them even more!

I’ve never worked in a nursery and NOT heard that, it is repeated multiple times daily, usually after a child is upset or affronted that they’ve been told off or told they can’t do sometging and they cry. I’ve never heard it said unkindly, although it’s not something I’d generally say myself I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I’d probably say, ‘no, you need to cry, why don’t you go and chill out in the book corner/go and do colouring etc etc.

As a nanny I’ve got more time to get down to their level, validate etc etc, but when I’m at my nursery temp job I’m usually responsible for eight 4/5 year olds and all the admin that goes with it so it’s a quick hug and a move on if it’s just crying over being told off or whatever.

Just comfort the child and empathise with their emotions. It helps them to process them, feel better and get on with their day. Telling them to stop will not stop them feeling upset, it will just teach them they can't be themselves around the caregiver. I never said to my kids to stop crying or that they were fine. I gave them a hug and listened. The tears stopped soon enough.

Yeah - not to mention that the staff really can't be spending this much time on one child.

Well, I would say that if someone was crying for no reason. Presumably little kids do cry out in emotion, even with a minor bump. If they carry on crying then you should jolly them along. I guess I'd phrase it more like 'oh, don't cry. You're alright. Look, Billy wants you to play in the sandpit..' or whatever. You don't want them to dwell on things. They need to be learning resilience. Unless they're genuinely seriously hurt.

Seems inappropriate in the circumstances you describe. I do tell my kids to stop crying sometimes but only if they're getting over top about some trivial issue usually to try and get me to take their side. Would never say it if the child was genuinely upset even if for a minor reason. Would expect paid childcare workers to have more sympathy than me!

I definitely get what you are saying to a certain extent. But ‘cries and cries for nothing’ isn’t normal for most kids. So clearly something is wrong somewhere for them to feel the need to do that. The cause would almost certainly not be obvious to a peer but as educators or caregivers you have to try to get to the bottom of it. I think your initial response was the right thing to.

I understand what you're saying @LouH1981 but some children do just whine and cry at school because they're used to being the centre of their parent/parents universe and don't always manage well when they have to share/take turns etc.
Honestly, we don't have the time or resources to deep dive into every child's home life and work out why they're more fragile and less resilient than others.
Sometimes, certain children just aren't resilient and cry at every little 'slight' against them

God i say this all the time to mine. Or variations of. Hes 2 in may.

Ie he is throwing a tantrum.

"chill out kid, this is a bit much" idea being im aware youre angry, you can feel angry but im not feeding the behaviour

if he falls over i always say "WOO" immediately with a non panicking face to teach him to figure out himself if he is hurt, in which case he will cry and be comforted

If hes being a whinge bag for no reason at all i tell him he's fed, watered, dry, clean, warm, and entertained, so i tell him "knock it off"

If hes genuinely upset and needing something or comfort then that's different and i know my son and how to assess that quickly.

Context is important but i dont believe in pandering so much that you can't tell a child to stop crying because they're fine.

Depends. To an under 2, no.

To a 4 year old preschooler having an irritating whingey day? I'd be absolutely fine with that tbh.

I’m pretty sure every person on this thread, as a young child, will have been told to stop crying.

these days things are getting a bit deep I think!

my mother will have definitely said to me and I’m absolutely fine x

Haha sorry I meant I’d say ‘you DON’T need to cry’

Although children can and do cry over a multitude of things throughout the day, especially the 2/3 year olds. I’d rather build a bit of resilience where I can for the minor things.

Depends, doesn't it?
Performance crying for sympathy/attention: Stop it, you're fine.
Crying because they want Mummy: encourage them to calm down, distract them.

I saw an absolute pro of a woman with a screaming toddler once, howling because Mummy had left. Comfort had entirely failed to work. She came over to take charge and was kind, firm, and clear: 'Come here, George, you are going to draw a picture, look at all these pencils, which colour do you want to start with?' George shut up instantly. She'd made him feel secure and distracted him from Mummy's absence.

If you wouldn't say it to an adult, you shouldn't say it to a child.

I would not say this and would not send my child to a nursery that thinks this is okay.

In what context?
Arm hanging off - no.

Upset because they dropped a banana - yes.