My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

[sofingmisreable]

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

As my mother would say, ‘ Pity about him then’. Meaning he’s sulky and ridiculous.

Tell him to plan something for the family next weekend and see what happens.

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh!

He is so selfish he doesn't see the joy in his children!

That comment was like AI scrubbed this entire thread searching for all the comments that spectacularly missed the point and mashed them together. 😂

That.

it isn’t about being out, it is about not being able to go in his place for his hobbies for his time and use his energy…

he is being selfish op. First because you need the rest. Second, because he is putting a big strain on the memories you try to make. He isn’t acting like a partner and you should literally request more of him.

good luck 🌺

My ex-H was like this. If he wasn’t having fun then no one could. He only took our children to things HE wanted to do but was never grown up enough to do something for their sake.
He bitched and moaned on a trip to Disney in Florida, (which was fully funded by my sister), stating before we even went through the gates that the kids could go on one ride and then we were going.
He hurried us away after our child’s school leaving service, when the kids always hang around after hugging and saying their goodbyes. Our poor child really wanted to stay but felt pressured to leave. We’ll never get that time back.
He basically ruined everything and constantly broke my heart with his behaviour.
So glad he’s out of our lives. Shit husband and shit father.

He sounds selfish, bored and quite possibly depressed.

My husband was exactly the same . All our holiday photos of Legoland or any kid theme day out - he looks like he is at a funeral. Other pictures also show him on his phone 🙄.

Our kids are 14 and 17 now and he really enjoys their company now. He loves how the boys wind each other up and will join in the banter. And he loves how his daughter looks after him with tea and snacks!
Hopefully your DH will appreciate them more as they grow older.
I miss how they were when they were young!

Mine was a bit like this - luckily not all the time. I put it down to his own parents not doing many things together as a family when he was young (and he was an only child so was left to get on with things). Also his mum is very cold and she didn’t create much magic Christmas time or Easter time. So, simply he didn’t have much example. Admit it was hard work

I don't have a profound or learned source for this as it came from another MN thread, but since my STBXH left me I have found it helpful to realise that there are men who actively want to be husbands and fathers, and there are men who just want a wife and children. I realised too late that I married the latter.

Absolutely, sense at last!

Sadly taking advise from most of these women like most is again very bad. What job does he do? Is it manual labour and he is exhausted by the weekend, is it office based where he is just mentally exhausted there is so much that goes through a man head with regards to protecting and looking after his family you have no idea, seriously no idea.

Speak to him and maybe he will tell you, if the kids are an embarrassment that that could have something to do with it.

The older I get, especially the way things are now the more I just want to be in the house at home chilling, maybe he is just the same.

Maybe you need to have a conversation with him about the concept of making memories. The children may be too young to notice his moods but they soon will. Ask your husband if he wants his children to have memories of his moodiness as they grow up. Ask him how he wants to be remembered as a father. After all he is choosing to be moody and uninvolved.

My dh is very similar. He even uses the term ball ache!! Some blokes are ‘hands off’ like this unfortunately. Possibly his dad was like that with him. It can get easier in some ways as they get older. Maybe ask him to suggest a weekend activity with them. Remind him that you give him time/space for his activities and would like him to make a bit more effort. If you really think he’s not going to change, think about leaving him. It is easier to do when they are younger. Try to do some things on your own with them and try to find other mums or friends who will go with you. I resorted to doing that in the end. I’d go to the local children’s farm/soft play and he’d do his thing. We used to have a nice time & he probably would have spoilt it had he been there.

No offence but get rid, my kids dad was like this whenever we went out with the kids never happy, always complained yet never made any suggestions or planned a day out and always had to ruin everything. It will get to the stage you won’t ever go out unless you go out alone with the kids and if he goes he will spoil it. Also if he really wanted to do the things he liked with the kids he would make plans to but he’s not interested in the slightest, Good luck in whatever you choose to do

Well he shouldn’t decide to join Op and be a complete misery then should he?

Stay at home and be a miserable fecker!

What about if mum is physically or mentally exhausted? What then?

So this. People who can't behave, don't get to ruin things for others.

Ask your DH what car event he would like to go to, book/organise it (dont tell the kids), and the morning of the event, take yourself off on your own somewhere.
I imagine one way or the other, there will be an adult conversion to be had about where you go from there.

Well obviously she's the Mother so she has to put up and shut up. Only he is allowed to not enjoy things and throw his toys out of the pram, she must be a grown up and put her kids first!! 🤣

I feel like I could have written this… exactly the same with us. Short of leaving him (which I’ve considered a lot) I have decided to take my kids (3 and 6) out alone and we have much more fun. Yes it’s stressful sometimes to handle both alone but it would be the same if I actually were to leave him. He spends his time at home mostly asleep whilst I parent. I suspect depression but he won’t hear any suggestion of that. So I’m sorry you’re also in a similar situation, it’s tough and isn’t as easy as just leave him!

Yeah exactly the same situ here and I’m sick of it. We have started going without him as it just puts a damper on the whole day.

My husband is definitely not like this in any way.
I feel for you and the children who will pick up on this as they grow up.

My ex was this way - he wouldn’t join in anything, left work when the kids were very young and told me he would be a house husband so I could have my career. I wish I had kicked his selfish arse out there and then.
His anxiety and pure bad moods ruined every celebration, it was if he had a default misery switch even rushing food to get away from any family chats over the dinner table.
I was so busy shouldering total responsibility that I couldn’t see which way was up.
It was utterly selfish of him and the kids suffered from living with this dynamic.
He was depressed but wouldn’t get treatment.
If you are in a similar situation take my word for it - he will get worse not better.
Get free
Good Luck