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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

481 replies

sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:04

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

OP posts:
Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 20:42

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 17:25

But you still don’t recognise that your DH is infantile or that others will be different to you? No matter how many mountains you want to climb, it doesn’t mean others do.

Perhaps if you promised him a hotdog, he may try and behave when “you take him with you to Ikea”, I imagined he was on his reins, to allow you to take him pardon me for thinking you had a mother child relationship.

Show quote history

Sounds like you need reins………

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 20:51

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 20:42

Sounds like you need reins………

Show quote history

Really, why do you say that?

You seem so over invested in this thread, and going off on a mad tangent! So odd really.

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 20:56

This reply has been deleted

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Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh dear!l

But….. no one asked your opinion on where OP should take her children on days out.

Your man child may not be able to cope with IKEA, because he wants to tame a hawk, but most adult men can deal with both.

As for catty, take a long hard look at how you’ve spoken to OP and insinuated she’s wrong because her miserable OH, can’t behave like an adult.

Oh bless him, he’s like your man child and doesn’t want to shop…..so you’ll stick up for him. Despite the either saying he’s always miserable on days out and OP stating they do varied activities.

Oh the poor menz and their nasty DWs dragging them round the shops. When they’re trying very hard to escape.

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 21:12

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:08

Oh dear!l

But….. no one asked your opinion on where OP should take her children on days out.

Your man child may not be able to cope with IKEA, because he wants to tame a hawk, but most adult men can deal with both.

As for catty, take a long hard look at how you’ve spoken to OP and insinuated she’s wrong because her miserable OH, can’t behave like an adult.

Oh bless him, he’s like your man child and doesn’t want to shop…..so you’ll stick up for him. Despite the either saying he’s always miserable on days out and OP stating they do varied activities.

Oh the poor menz and their nasty DWs dragging them round the shops. When they’re trying very hard to escape.

Show quote history

Like I said you resort to insults………no one has insinuated she is wrong, I have stated we do not know his side of the story……….no one also asked your opinion but you are freely giving it………

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:18

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 21:12

Like I said you resort to insults………no one has insinuated she is wrong, I have stated we do not know his side of the story……….no one also asked your opinion but you are freely giving it………

Show quote history

Resort to insults….. whilst you call me “a typical catty woman” both insulting, misogynistic and disrespectful on a mainly female forum.

But of course that’s just fine?

No, we don’t know his side of the story, which will probably be the same as every other AIBU post, we only know one side.

So, why ever engage in any threads? If you’re not going to believe the poster?

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 21:23

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:18

Resort to insults….. whilst you call me “a typical catty woman” both insulting, misogynistic and disrespectful on a mainly female forum.

But of course that’s just fine?

No, we don’t know his side of the story, which will probably be the same as every other AIBU post, we only know one side.

So, why ever engage in any threads? If you’re not going to believe the poster?

Show quote history

And you know it’s mainly female because? Well I suggest you don’t refer to people’s partners needing reins if you cannot handle the statements that follow, you’re generally making completely sweeping statements about males in general, the background of this site and whether the OP is believable or not, all irrelevant………I gave my own opinion which you are intent on pulling apart with insults…….but then you believe your own opinion to be highly regarded……..so you stick with that and stop insulting others………

Sushu · 26/01/2025 21:30

I’m sure those going on and on about boring shopping centres are either purposefully ignoring the OP or haven’t bothered to read, so are just angling for a fight. It was an example! OP has said he acts like a misery guts even when they skip through fields of daffodils, go to the zoo, watch a movie, visit a wholesome National Trust property with sandwiches and Prosecco and so on and so forth.

Brief summary - She planned a trip to go shopping and grab some lunch. He wants to join in and ruined it.

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:42

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 21:23

And you know it’s mainly female because? Well I suggest you don’t refer to people’s partners needing reins if you cannot handle the statements that follow, you’re generally making completely sweeping statements about males in general, the background of this site and whether the OP is believable or not, all irrelevant………I gave my own opinion which you are intent on pulling apart with insults…….but then you believe your own opinion to be highly regarded……..so you stick with that and stop insulting others………

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🤣🤣🤣🤣 I know it’s mainly female because……. 🤔!

Stop excusing the menz and inferring it’s OPs fault because her DH wanted to tag along, to something she’d decided to do, even though he wasn’t asked.

Because you know all men don’t like shopping, because yours try’s to shortcut IKEA!

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:43

Sushu · 26/01/2025 21:30

I’m sure those going on and on about boring shopping centres are either purposefully ignoring the OP or haven’t bothered to read, so are just angling for a fight. It was an example! OP has said he acts like a misery guts even when they skip through fields of daffodils, go to the zoo, watch a movie, visit a wholesome National Trust property with sandwiches and Prosecco and so on and so forth.

Brief summary - She planned a trip to go shopping and grab some lunch. He wants to join in and ruined it.

Exactly! I’d go with angling for a fight, then whinging when they get one!

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 21:59

Nonaynevernomore · 26/01/2025 21:42

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I know it’s mainly female because……. 🤔!

Stop excusing the menz and inferring it’s OPs fault because her DH wanted to tag along, to something she’d decided to do, even though he wasn’t asked.

Because you know all men don’t like shopping, because yours try’s to shortcut IKEA!

Show quote history

Menz? Alrighty then……….

StrawberryTheCat · 26/01/2025 23:58

Blue278 · 26/01/2025 08:16

Did he also start eating his own food immediately while you were sorting out the DC and wrangling them? Mine used to do that and it drove me mad. So selfish.

Mine is like that with basically absolutely everything. I'm a stay at home mum, and he seems to forget that he has equal responsibility when he's not at work. It's infuriating that he just has a complete lack of awareness of what looking after the children actually entails. Mine are 3 and 6 and he's NEVER taken them both anywhere one his own. He won't even take them to visit his own mother if I don't come too!

Imisschampagne · 27/01/2025 05:25

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 26/01/2025 18:23

This response did make me laugh.

You rarely see a response to a post that basically tells everyone who has offered advice on the thread wrong, waxed lyrical about her Disney life, agreed completely with the OP (against what most others are saying), tried to make us all feel bad if our husbands aren’t perfect (because hers is) and completely missed the point ‘spectacularly’ about the shopping mall.

Yeah a lot of husbands are great but they aren’t perfect at everything (don’t mean to burst your bubble now!. It’s just if they are perfect for you. That is the point.

Show quote history

I think you completely missed the point of this post. I’m not reading something about a „Disney life“. Just a post about a woman reassuring another woman that it is perfectly fine to raise the bar from the lowest level of the ground for men to a standard that women have been held to for the whole time.

Not sure about your environment but the husbands and fathers I know (30-40 years of age) are in general very hands on and involved with their children. As they should be. It’s not the 1950s when men couldn’t be bothered to bring their kids to bed by themselves, plan their own excursions with them, handle them alone in the evenings and do their fair share of the household. They’re not supposed to help with their own children. That’s what babysitters are for. They are supposed to pull their equal weight in a relationship and be a fully functional parent.

If this sounds „Disney“ to you that’s very, very sad.

Imisschampagne · 27/01/2025 05:27

StrawberryTheCat · 26/01/2025 23:58

Mine is like that with basically absolutely everything. I'm a stay at home mum, and he seems to forget that he has equal responsibility when he's not at work. It's infuriating that he just has a complete lack of awareness of what looking after the children actually entails. Mine are 3 and 6 and he's NEVER taken them both anywhere one his own. He won't even take them to visit his own mother if I don't come too!

Show quote history

That’s really sad. Was he this way when it was only one kid too?

Clarefromwork · 27/01/2025 07:44

Wow, I can’t believe that some posters are blaming this on you going to a shopping centre.

I don’t think I have seen so many posters miss the real issue in a post before

Trust me OP - it’s him, not you (or the shopping centre)

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 27/01/2025 07:52

Imisschampagne · 27/01/2025 05:25

I think you completely missed the point of this post. I’m not reading something about a „Disney life“. Just a post about a woman reassuring another woman that it is perfectly fine to raise the bar from the lowest level of the ground for men to a standard that women have been held to for the whole time.

Not sure about your environment but the husbands and fathers I know (30-40 years of age) are in general very hands on and involved with their children. As they should be. It’s not the 1950s when men couldn’t be bothered to bring their kids to bed by themselves, plan their own excursions with them, handle them alone in the evenings and do their fair share of the household. They’re not supposed to help with their own children. That’s what babysitters are for. They are supposed to pull their equal weight in a relationship and be a fully functional parent.

If this sounds „Disney“ to you that’s very, very sad.

Show quote history

You completely missed the point too. It isn’t sad - my husband is amazing. It was the time of the post that was Disney. Geez.

Imisschampagne · 27/01/2025 08:31

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 27/01/2025 07:52

You completely missed the point too. It isn’t sad - my husband is amazing. It was the time of the post that was Disney. Geez.

Show quote history

Then you should reread your post and improve on your writing or reading comprehension skills :). Because the point you tried to bringing across „the timing of the post is Disney“ does not match you writing how the poster was off and I directly quote „waxed lyrical about her Disney life“.

So you do imply she leads or at least describes a Disney life in which her husband helps her.

Again, sounds frustrating if basic parental roles being equally shouldered by both sets of parents sound „Disney“. And if your husband is amazing - then you’re part of the Disney life. Enjoy it! 😉

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 27/01/2025 09:46

Imisschampagne · 27/01/2025 08:31

Then you should reread your post and improve on your writing or reading comprehension skills :). Because the point you tried to bringing across „the timing of the post is Disney“ does not match you writing how the poster was off and I directly quote „waxed lyrical about her Disney life“.

So you do imply she leads or at least describes a Disney life in which her husband helps her.

Again, sounds frustrating if basic parental roles being equally shouldered by both sets of parents sound „Disney“. And if your husband is amazing - then you’re part of the Disney life. Enjoy it! 😉

Show quote history

Improve on reading and writing skills? Everything past that isn’t worth reading from someone so rude. Starting with an insult and being rude doesn’t help you point at all (which I won’t read).

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 27/01/2025 17:40

Send them out with him for a day out without you.

LouDeLou · 27/01/2025 17:43

This just makes me sad, my husband loved any little thing we did with the kids, in fact he did more than me like take them to the park and scoop them and their cousins up for a Saturday swim :(

HallieM93 · 27/01/2025 17:46

sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:04

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

Yep, had one and got rid, guess what - he doesn’t see his child anymore as it’s too much hassle. It’s usually the first telling sign someone dislikes and resents being a parent! Sorry to tell you but he’ll likely have enough one day and not bother

Nurse08 · 27/01/2025 17:49

How much other support does he give? Housework, laundry, shopping for groceries?
A relationship needs to be a partnership. Give and take, not take and take.
Are you getting anything from a person who comes over as a third child?

Rebellion86 · 27/01/2025 17:52

My ex used to be like this. When it was just our eldest, no matter where we went or what we did he had the same attitude. He would literally say in front of our son 'and you wonder why I don't want to do anything with yous'. One time my son picked up a stick and carried it round the forest park we were in. Ex huffed and puffed because he wouldn't let go of the stick and said he wished he'd stayed at home.
Eldest is now 9 and ex can't understand why he never wants to go to his house or see him

MustWeDoThis · 27/01/2025 17:57

sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 10:44

I find that men are fundamentally much more selfish and self-centred in day-to-day life than women. They are so good at prioritising themselves

Totally true !

If you live with an abusive man, or a pig of a partner whom has no love or respect for you; then this is true.

Otherwise, a lot of partners do not act like this, because it's not normal and/or appropriate behaviour.

Mrsgreen100 · 27/01/2025 18:07

Tbh , I can think of anywhere worse than any from of shopping centre etc
maybe try something outdoors, in nature, the woods , or big park , take snacks
summer picnics etc
swimming ?
beach walks ( if you’re near )
my idea of hell is a soft play centre or similar
maybe just he’s not into the kids shopping etc vibe
ask him what he would like to do ?
if he still checks out
stop going anywhere with him