My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

[sofingmisreable]

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

Whereas mothers who work absolutely love doing this 🙄🙄

the bar for fathers is fucking subterranean

It doesn't matter if he doesn't like shopping centres. We all have to do stuff we don't like but we should make the best of it and have a positive attitude, not poison the atmosphere with negativity. It flows into the kids, and flows into their kids..

Does he just hate malls? I hate malls especially on winter days in the weekend when they are busy. I get completely overwhelmed by all the chaos and just want to get out.

Kinda parties are a struggle too. Anything with loud chaotic noise. But then I'm neurodiverse so it's always going to be a struggle

He didn’t have to go shopping he chose to go and be an arse- arregghh! I need to stop reading this, the inability of people to at least read the op’s posts instead of going off on one about how real men hate shopping is insane. He chose to go.

I really don't understand the issue with going to a mall for a few hours??
DH and I do this with DS3 sometimes on weekends when the weather is shite. There are cafes and restaurants that have a kid's menu or even kids eat free options, we let the toddler roam in the mall a bit, go to the pet shop to look at the fish and hamsters, run a brief errand or two and then maybe let DS choose a toy or puzzle in the charity shop. Honestly it works out so much cheaper than a Mumsnet approved trip to a museum or NT property or other middle class shite and is frannkly often less hectic too.
Oh and the weather is horrendous at the moment round where we are. Only so much time you can spend in a damp, freezing playground. I see the puddle suit mafia have already been on this thread already.
But all of this is besides the point. Your DH needs to a) communicate his preferences and limitations like and adult and b) stop acting like a sulky twat. Being on the receiving end of this behaviour is more damaging than he realises for your and the DCs.

What a weird respons @MileyPsoriasis. It’s like you get offended by people not having the same opinion as you. On a chat forum.

Nowhere did it say OP was going there to get balloons for the party. She said this was a normal outing for them.

And your passive aggressive Have a nice Sunday to @EdithBond is just plain silly.

Simply because ND people can find busy/noisy places or children needing attention overwhelming and can react by being moody.

Why are so many people on this thread spectacularly missing the point? It’s not about the bloody shopping centre!

The OP has clearly stated that her DH is like this with EVERY activity they do, and has given other examples, such as playing in the garden, country walks, and his own child’s birthday party. And yet so many posters are falling over themselves to excuse him because ‘spending a weekend in a shopping centre is my idea of hell!’. Someone has literally just posted to say that the poor, poor man shouldn’t be forced to drag himself round a shopping centre at the weekend after going to work all week! But you know, all the women out there that also work…we should all just get on with it I suppose?

I could even understand all the ‘shopping centres are evil’ posts if the OP had only given that one example, but she hadn’t, she’s stated quite clearly that he’s always like this no matter what they do.

It’s quite bizarre that on so many threads here men can literally do no right, but this thread seems to have brought out the complete opposite side.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my second and feeling like absolute shit. We have a 20 month old in the house and my DH has been absolutely incredible. He’s taken on the lion’s share of the childcare while also working full time, to give me as much time to rest as possible. He’s taken our DD out on walks, to softplay, and yes, to our local shopping centre! It’s on our doorstep, is all indoors, contains a softplay, arcade and toy shops, and our daughter really enjoys toddling around in there. We typically have at least 1 trip a week there, sometimes more, especially in the winter. We absolutely still take her to plenty of outdoor activities too, which she loves, but I’m the middle of January, having a shopping centre on the doorstep has been fantastic when we’ve been clawing the walls and wanting to get out for a couple of hours.

Reading threads like this just really opens my eyes to how grateful I am to have a DH who not only takes an active part in family life, but actually takes on more than his fair share when I’m struggling.

OP, please ignore all the people determined to paint you as the bad guy and your husband as the poor, long suffering man who shouldn’t have to interact with his family at the weekend, and certainly not at a, shock horror, shopping centre! You and your kids deserve so much better from him than a sulking manchild.

This thread is just full of trolls wanting to stick the boot in the OP. The way they do that is pick one thing and run with it and ignore all else

It’s irrelevant though, because he isn’t doing anything about it - which is the point. ND or NT if he doesn’t like and cannot cope with what OP suggests they do he needs to find a way to engage in family life that he does like.can cope with. That’s his basic responsibility as a father and partner. Being ND may mean the way he does that is different to most people - but it’s still something he has to do. It’s not OP’s job to second guess it all and come up with the solution.

I honestly couldn’t live with someone like that. He sounds like a constant drain. I would have told him to sod off home then and you’ll have more fun without the miserable prick.

Maybe you could read OPs posts that would explain why all your suggestions are not going to happen.

Maybe I have and maybe you shouldn’t respond in a passive aggressive way just because you don’t agree with me.

I read then and stand by my post.

But you still don’t recognise that your DH is infantile or that others will be different to you? No matter how many mountains you want to climb, it doesn’t mean others do.

Perhaps if you promised him a hotdog, he may try and behave when “you take him with you to Ikea”, I imagined he was on his reins, to allow you to take him pardon me for thinking you had a mother child relationship.

No you just clearly cannot stand anyone who has a different opinion than your own………

But your response makes zero sense then! They do do other stuff, they don’t just do shopping. OP doesn’t therefore need your suggestions.

He also volunteered to go!

But the OP wasn’t asking was my day out acceptable.

You’ve just hijaked the thread to bleat on about what days out are acceptable to you! It’s not really relevant.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you have a third child in your house - your DH.
I really couldn't be doing with this.😒

Whoa hold on a minute. The OP said it was her idea. She said she really likes doing it. She wanted to go to the mall and lunch - do the few rides, gwt balloons, gwt ice cream.

This response did make me laugh.

You rarely see a response to a post that basically tells everyone who has offered advice on the thread wrong, waxed lyrical about her Disney life, agreed completely with the OP (against what most others are saying), tried to make us all feel bad if our husbands aren’t perfect (because hers is) and completely missed the point ‘spectacularly’ about the shopping mall.

Yeah a lot of husbands are great but they aren’t perfect at everything (don’t mean to burst your bubble now!. It’s just if they are perfect for you. That is the point.

Oh yes know what that's like. Mine decided we need to do more stuff as a family so off to swimming we go. Kids were excited as it's the first time we've been in ages as I can't take all three by myself. They were excited and doing usually kid playful stuff, not listening sometimes I suppose. But nothing that bad. I had 'this is why we never go swimming' 'I'm fucking done I don't care if I cause a scene'. Ignoring one child. 'I can't do this.' and it ended with 'I'm not doing this' as he storms back to the car.

Pathetic

Wow, you’re a pleasant person aren’t you?

I have absolutely no idea how you got from my post that I have told ‘everyone’ that they’re wrong, or ‘waxed lyrical about my Disney life’. I have done neither of those things, and tbh, if you knew what had happened in my so-called ‘Disney life’ in the last 6 months I really hope you’d be ashamed at making such a comment.

Also, if you bothered to actually read the thread, the vast majority of responses agree with me, so I certainly have not been telling ‘everyone’ that they’re wrong. You’ve actually stated in your comment that my post is ‘against what most others are saying’ which just proves that you absolutely haven’t read the thread, because I’d say the comments are about 80/20 agreeing with both the OP and myself. Unfortunately your reading comprehension skills have clearly been filed in the same place as your extrapolation skills, saying as you have apparently made an extreme judgement on me, my husband and my family based on the fact that my husband actually gives a shit about his pregnant wife and young daughter.

And the OP also said he wanted to go.

wish people wouldn't always say things like zoo, swimming, beach, woods - there are often reasons people can't automatically do these things although may not be the case here - money comes into it sometimes and also transport, not everyone has a car or is remotely close to beach, woods etc - given the amount of parents I see in town with children at the weekend I have to presume many families think it's a perfectly acceptable few hours out - including plenty of cheerful engaged looking men -