SIL getting upset over something I said to my DOG

[Poitoi]

I recently spent a day with SIL, brother and their wedding planner. I am best woman and have quite a lot of responsibilities. It was intense but productive - we actually had a laugh.

Anyway, we went to my parents’ house after the day of planning. Here SIL heard me fussing over my dog who I hadn’t seen at all that day. At some point I said something along the lines of “Oh I missed you. A day without you is a day wasted in my book” to my dog. Obviously over the top and non-serious, I was just being silly with my dog.

Brother has since told me that SIL was really offended by this comment and is hurt. I just find that ridiculous. I told SIL on the way to my parents I had had a lovely time. I think dog people will see I was just being ott. My dog was being all snuggly and excited to see me so I just played into it.

AIBU?

How about in front of another child. That would be a better example. Seems like you're not going to acknowledge you came across as rude.

I wondered that too … OP sounds very immature.

I talk completely nonsense to my dog, but I can see why your sil might have interpreted it as "Well that was a waste of time".

You needed to have said to her, as soon as you realised she misunderstood, "oh no, sorry, I always say that to him... I had a great day today!"

Exactly. That is what I imagine a self aware person would do in the same situation.

I have a dog. I talk to her like a human but I would be aware that saying stuff to her doesn’t somehow cancel out perceived rudeness by your human company.

Would you say to your dog in front of a larger friend who may want to lose weight (or not) Oh look at you Fido aren't you piling on the weight. I think we need to reduce your food, you greedy guts you”.

Exactly this ^

It’s rather crass to say you’ve had a wasted day, whilst in earshot of the person you've just spent that day with. It really doesn’t sound convincing as a dog greeting either (& I say that as a dog owner).

It’s passive aggressive in the same way a parent would say “mummy can’t play right now because she’s the only one who ever makes dinner” - the comment is actually aimed at the other parent. That’s how your comment has come across and it’s silly if you can’t see that.

Do you struggle to empathise and take other’s opinions on board?

OP i really think you can’t or won’t try to understand or acknowledge why you could have come across as rude. Do you generally have a poor understanding of social graces?

I think she knows exactly what she did , she just won’t admit it .

OP says she had no idea her SiL was in earshot. So her SiL overheard a private moment between OP and her dog, and got her knickers all twisted over it.

No, that’s not what she said . She said she didn’t even know who was in earshot. Therefore, she knew there maybe a possibility that someone was.. She should have said it when she KNEW no one was in earshot . Big difference.

I can't believe people are splitting hairs over this. She spoke to her dog, her comment was aimed at her dog, and she was not intending anyone else to hear it.
This is someone who loves their dog, and it seems like a great many people on here just want to shit on OP for that. Her SiL sounds sensitive and a nightmare.

well if people state something as a fact which isn’t a fact then hairs do need to be split . And I think the op is the insensitive one in this situation. Fact is SIL did hear it, because op didnt give a toss about the awareness of her surroundings.

If that's the case then certainly there's no reason not to apologize. It costs nothing to say, "(brother) told me you overheard what I said to (dog). I just wanted to let you know that I was having a silly conversation with my dog and I had a really great time today."

Regardless of whether you believe the sister-in-law's feelings are valid, they are her feelings. If you can resolve this situation that easily then why wouldn't you?

I agree with you there. SiL overheard and got hurt, so OP should give a simple apology. More along the lines of being sorry the comment was overheard, rather than the content.
But some of the vitriol aimed at OP about this is ridiculous.

Yes I won’t argue with this.

I wouldn’t say it either but I understand the sentiment behind it.

You know that. She doesn't.

I'm glad you're going to apologise, but please do it properly, rather than justifying what you said, as you have constantly throughout this thread.

Just apologise and say soz it hadn’t dawned on you how that might had sounded and that’s just a phrase you always say

That.

I understand that you didn't even think about the effect on your sister-in-law because you were concentrating on your dog.

This, to me, is why "dog people" (and it's not all dog people by any means) can be weird and a bit creepy and selfish. IT'S A DOG! It can't understand what you say to it. You didn't have to say something potentially rude and hurtful and unpleasant in front of your sister-in-law, but you chose to with the excuse that "you were only talking to the dog."

It's not really about the dog. Or about how over sensitive your sister-in-law is or isn't. It's about your own casual cruelty to a person because you were prioritising taking to A DOG. It's madness

These things are not close to being equivalent. Saying something is "the most beautiful" doesn't imply everyone else is ugly. At all.

The equivalent would be if you said to a baby "you are the only beautiful thing in this world and everything else is ugly" in front of someone. I bet you would, too.

Do you say this every time you come back and see your dog (which in itself is strange) or was it a one-off remark?

Either way it seems like an odd thing to say. I can understand if you’d spent the entire day fruitlessly and come back and said to your dog, well that was a waste of a day, but to say every day not spent with you is wasted is odd even if you're by yourself.

Yes, she wants people to justify her passive aggression.

I am emotionally secure enough not to internalise situations which have nothing to do with me.
Yet another passive aggressive dig at her SIL.